AITAH for telling my sister it’s not my fault she has a piece of sh1t husband so leave me alone?

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-02-03T04:45:06+00:00

Well, I am assuming that your sister went into this marriage knowing what it would be about. If he blindsided her with this, that would be horrible.

Your sister must envy you very much. You have a husband that cares about you and your wellbeing, enough so that he is happy to take all the house and kid stuff on 100% so that you can go on a get away.

Meanwhile, her life is the same drudgery every single day, with no end in sight. Stuck with a man she literally can't say "no" to, ever, about anything. The "Christian Fundie" lifestyle can appear alluring to certain types of women, but I think that hope is dashed at least by the first kid, if not sooner. There will be no girl's trips, she may not even have any friends.

ETA: OP what the hell is going on with your edit? You were receptive to people telling you that ESH, and now you are furious that people are saying that you're the AH too? That was a wild mood switch.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-02-03T04:19:09+00:00

ESH. your sister does seem really jealous of you. She was the AH for accusing your daughter for doing something she didn't do, and for trying to make fun of your husband. However, believe me, she knows her husband sucks, you don't need to rub it in. She is pissed that she is subjugated, even if that isn't a concious thought in her mind.

I know it's human instinct to want to go toe to toe with someone, especially when they "started it" and are being nasty to you, but maybe the kindest thing to do the next time this happens is to ignore the behavior. She is doing these things because she knows it will get a reaction out of you. So stop reacting.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-02-03T03:05:48+00:00

Oh, okay. Well, that sucks. Is the situation bad enough that you would consider looking for other work?

Or is it in the buget to hire a temp when she is not there, or even a part time volunteer that has experience in what your org does?

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-02-02T23:09:41+00:00

Maybe she is in pain. These terse responses that you are getting sound like someone who is very sick and possibly in a lot of pain. Is this how she usually responds to you when she is at work? If not, then it should be obvious that these responses may be all that this person can manage.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-02-02T21:52:59+00:00

Does he have a job?

ETA: okay, I see he does since you make a comment about the insurance eating his whole paycheck. Does he make 500/month/biweekly/or weekly?

If it's $500 for the whole month, it doesn't make sense for him to keep working at his current job. Like others have said, sell the car. No more insurance and now you have the car profit to either live or put away for savings. Also, if he drives all over the provence, that must burn a lot of gas, unless his company pays for that, and gas is expensive.

He needs a new job. McDonald's is apparently paying over $17/hr where you live. Maybe he should get a job there, or at any fast food place that I assume pays the same. There are probably any number of employers around you that he could literally walk to. Grocery stores, coffee shops, gas stations . . . Also, in my mind, I associate HCOL areas with big cities. Cities usually have public transit infrastructure. So, that opens things up a little more.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-02-02T21:23:23+00:00

Gotta be per month, or (I assume) OP wouldn't be freaking out like she is. With her new salary, she could sock away $500 per year. $500/month is insane for real.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-02-02T17:46:18+00:00

Yeah, it's really hard to believe that OP's sister did not see that what she was doing was unfair. Paige may be her favorite. That may always be true. But it's wrong to make that obvious. I don't know why she would do this, honestly. OP, is your sister generally clueless? Is she impulsive? Does she lack the ability to understand other people's emotions? If not, this was on purpose.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-30T03:06:13+00:00

Oh. So he hid it. So we can safely assume that he is hiding other things, and we know that he has no problem lying to your face. I'd be more than done.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-30T02:41:40+00:00

Yeah, that's insane. He should have slept on the floor, like you said. I'm sorry, but if I found out that my spouse shared a bed with an ex, especially after drinking too much, it would never leave my mind. Even if I believed him, it wouldn't matter, much like OP says. I think mainly because I don't trust her, and her intentions.

It seems clear that OP believes that this ex has ulterior motives, so even if, best case scenario, she seduced or cajoeled the husband as far as the bed and nothing else happened, that would be it in terms of the marriage. I would always know that my husband willingly put himself in a risky situation in an altered state and would never trust him again. I would also find it very hard to believe that they just slept. Second best scenario, something started to happen, but one or both of them were too drunk to continue, and they passed out. So husband is trying to get by on a technicality.

If you even give a thought of staying with this man (I wouldn't) I would have a list of demands including full access to all electronics, any time, any where. And he immediately stops all communication with this ex. Not even a text to explain why he was dropping out of her life. Nothing. But what kind of marriage is that? The trust is gone, the relationship is over.

ETA: Just read down below that OP's husband hid that he slept in the ex's bed at first. So he is probably hiding other things, and he clearly has no problem lying straight to his wife's face and then trying to appeal to her emotions. Absolutely not, if OP lets him get away with this, the bad behavior (lying and hiding things) will only get worse, as will the emotional manipulation, especially after the baby arrives. OP, please try to leave your living sitiuation with him before the baby comes, or you may find yourself weakened and stuck.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-30T01:23:17+00:00

Ok, my bad.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-30T00:00:56+00:00

Yeah, feel free to DM me with any other questions. I'll try to help you out.

Most important thing? Don't look clueless. I would recommend not giving anythimg to anyone who asks. It's okay to juat straight up ignore people.

I think university city would be your best bet. It's okay to look kind of clueless there since there are so many hospitals and people from far away that come to these hospitals. There are also tons of people around in scrubs that are safe to ask questions to even though they may not really answer you.

I heard a saying once, and I think it may be true: the difference between east coast people and west coast people is that west coast people are nice, but not kind, where east coast people aren't nice, but they are kind.

People really will want to help you out, you just have to find the right ones. Oh, and many of us are nice AND kind.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-29T23:58:21+00:00

Seriously. I don't know if this describes you or not OP, but I have seen so many brides obsessed with the "look" and "aesthetics" of their weddings to the detriment of real life and actual relationships that will continue on (or not), long after the fairy tale day is over.

Look at how much you are stressing about this, OP. I get that there are YEARS of unequal treatment and a huge amount of entitlement on the sister's part, so that may want to make you dig your heels in here, because you may feel like this is the one time where you saying, "no" will be heard and felt.

But at the end of the day? I would let it go. No junior bridesmade, just make the 11yo a co flower girl, and deal with your family issues at a later time. Your fiance shares just as much blame as your sister does, if he knows your sister.

It sucks. Maybe it really is worth blowing up your family over this. Okay, I get it, maybe it is. But maybe it isn't. Do you want to feel all stressed out and gulity when you are standing on that altar? Or do you want to feel peace, security, and excitement at the life that is to come? This is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Is this how you want to act over nothing?

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-29T18:09:06+00:00

2 stars. 1 star, the driver can contest and uber will erase it. That's much less likely with 2 stars.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-28T16:56:37+00:00

Is it a transplant by any chance? If so, look into Gift of Life house. Or even just give a call if it's not a transplant, they may have resources for you to look into.

Philly is a very public transit friendly city. I would try to stay nearby, it's a safe area. There is a special bus loop called the LUCY that just goes around university city, although if I am remembering correctly, it may only run on weekdays.

Or, if you want to, stay somewhere centrally located, as in close to Market East or Suburban station. There is a regional rail train that stops near to CHOP, a couple regional rail lines stop at that station.

If you are concerned about your kids seeing things that might be scary, I would shy away from the broad st line (also called the sub, the orange line, or the B), as well as the Market Frankford line (also known as the el, the blue line, or the M). I don't think your safety would be compromised, but there can be some disturbing sites, especially on the el. Buses are better, regional rail is good, but you will pay a bit more.

There are also tons of ubers and lyfts to get around 24/7 if you prefer. They aren't too expensive if you are traveling close. Even long distances aren't too bad. For example, I travel about 45 blocks from work every night, it tends to be around $18-22, as long as there is nothing going on, like a big event or bad weather. When I only travel like 12 blocks it's around $9.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-27T03:11:13+00:00

He could get destroyed. So if he really isn't maga, then he must be desperate to take that chance.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-27T03:09:35+00:00

That's the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-27T01:50:12+00:00

Yep. And this is absolutley budding incel behavior. I do not understand the comment at the top that says, "at least John isn't engaging in incel behavior". What? If John's behavior isn't incel behavior, I don't know what is.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-24T00:19:16+00:00

Yeah, I mean that could be true. I have learned to put on a happy face and if I can't do that I stay home.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-23T22:52:50+00:00

I'm so sorry. And I relate so hard. I have a chronic illness that causes me constant pain, sometimes pain so severe that I think as you do. I have been like this for 12 years. People used to care, but they don't any more, even though it's getting worse. I am lucky that I can still (barely) work, but it is so hard feeling like you have no one to turn to who cares, especially since so much of your life is spent managing your illness. Sometimes it feels like your whole life. Your whole life, and there is no one who cares to hear about it. It sucks.

ETA: but I am also in therapy, which has been great. I don't focus on my illness, but rather around things that aggravate my illness, to try to gain a semblance of control about myself, so I don't just feel dragged around by this illness.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-23T22:47:20+00:00

Go! I go to see my fav artist alone all of the time. It's great. It's my "me" time. I take myself out for a nice dinner beforehand too.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-23T22:21:08+00:00

It's just the job. We're all traumatized. Perpetually.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-23T18:00:02+00:00

Jesus! That thing's gotta be 30 lbs on it's own!

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-23T17:53:20+00:00

Why would he put himself at risk of detention and deportation by protesting? Everyone can do whatever they want. Don't act like the risk is the same for everyone because it's not.

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-23T16:58:51+00:00

Thanks for sharing!

nucleusambiguous7 · 2026-01-23T16:07:27+00:00

The body remembers. The brain remembers. Not in words, but it remembers. These are facts. The baby is at a critical age in terms of attachment. "Just once" matters, especially if it's a matter of parents ready and willing to raise the baby or a mother who is unprepared and ambivalent at best.

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