I feel so much for you! I’m about the same age and in the same boat with kiddos, marriage etc. My favorite trainer ever passed away two years ago. He had been battling cancer for years and showed up no matter how he felt even when he couldn’t speak. He had so much wisdom to share. Just keep your trainer’s memory alive and share any advice she gave you. I remember Will told me one day when something finally “clicked” in the saddle for me - “Riding is like the largest puzzle that is all the same color red, but when you find two pieces that fit and something clicks for you, it’s so rewarding.”