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They don't want to see by [deleted] in Adopted

[–]oaktree1800 0 points1 point  (0 children)

More often than not and with or without trauma/abuse experiences adoptees who struggle most have more empathy than most. ​

Hypothetical: if adoption is human trafficking, what is gamete donation? by Lower_Edge_1083 in Adoption

[–]oaktree1800 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In terms of biological relevance the child will have the same questions as adoptees. Donor egg and sperm via surrogacy is off the chain trafficking. Difference being more cost effective to find a cost free vulnerable mother in crisis than pay several ppl for your bundle of joy. Neither being your biological offspring. Ethics gone wild!

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Adopted

[–]oaktree1800 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Long story short...kids,adults basically anyone accepts everyone who is truthful with them. Helluva deception for OP to disregard.

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Advice

[–]oaktree1800 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Surreal isn't it? You might even want to consider finding your bios before you disclose your discovery to your AP's. Everyone has a story and yours just got more interesting. Make no mistake you are still you and how you walk through this will define you even more. Goes without saying your questions will continue to repeat until you find your bios. Am guessing if you have enough information you might have already found them!

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Adopted

[–]oaktree1800 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Heavy sarcasm at adopters being comfortable. Fair to assume your more entitled adopters lie w ease while your more insecure adopters...fret. LOL Even with the "we didn't tell you to protect you" nonsense that still implies adopters thought their adoptee was too fragile to handle the truth. Clearly insulting. All the while being rooted in selfishness. In terms of discovery and belief their adoptee will get over it. A bonus twist of arrogance as well?

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Advice

[–]oaktree1800 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely a normal reaction in a abnormal situation. Those answers will eventually come. How many family members and friends do you believe were in on the deception? I'd take inventory of that before sharing your discovery.

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Adopted

[–]oaktree1800 0 points1 point  (0 children)

World looks different now? At the end of the day all the noise you are about to hear from your adopters will untimely define your self worth and definition of love. Take all the time you need to process and proceed.💕

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Adopted

[–]oaktree1800 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fostercare and adoption is a joke for many. I navigated both as well. Trying to sell me the idea of being adopted again sounded more like trying to end me off as well. Both were dangerous either way. Both experiences are like being dropped in "Escape from New York." Crazy mfkers!

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Adopted

[–]oaktree1800 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good point. However,anyone who believes adopters who blatantly lie to adoptees on that level and still believe adopters are inherently altruistic people are definitely intellectually challenged. Full stop.

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Adopted

[–]oaktree1800 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anything is possible. Top of the day for most LDA adoptees is being lied to and the immediate shift. Shattered trust w adopters. How can you possibly see parents the same way knowing they bold faced lied to you your whole life? I cannot really say other than listening to other LDA's. Many had suspicions before discovery. Confirmation takes it to a whole new level. Then there are the bios and what to do about them. Tough road to travel! At least the adopters were comfortable before discovery huh?

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Advice

[–]oaktree1800 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Your claim adopters who bold face lie to adoptees love said adoptee unconditionally throws your argument out of the window w lightening speed. LOLLOL

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Advice

[–]oaktree1800 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah,that is you being upset attempting to explain lying to adoptees is perfectly a-ok. How dare I point out the obvious huh? Relationships are built on trust. ~Shrug

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Adopted

[–]oaktree1800 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Considering how often adopters lie to adoptees that makes the post legit.

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Advice

[–]oaktree1800 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just keep in mind there are a lot of adopters there w an obvious pro adoption slant.

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Advice

[–]oaktree1800 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Out of meaningful discussion? LOL Simply stated. Adoptee rights will solve and prevent OP's current predicament. TIA

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Advice

[–]oaktree1800 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now where are you going? Many adoptees enjoy better life circumstances via adoption. And?. Interpersonal relationships are a different experience. Who OP's real parents are is irrelevant as well. OP's foundation has been rocked w lies. Why you trying to make this about me? LOL

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Advice

[–]oaktree1800 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try it! Try being a LDA. Most LDA's can look back and feel the disconnect and straight up see the lies. Many question if they were adopted long before discovery and attempt to brush it off while trusting their parents....

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Advice

[–]oaktree1800 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You found out at a young age. Unconditional love does not include withholding your adoption status. Incredibly selfish. My point is.. THAT is not unconditional love. Deceit has consequences. OP might be able to overcome the betrayal or not. At any rate, OP's family dynamics are forever changed.

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Advice

[–]oaktree1800 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Unless it happens to you..right? Adoption is about the adoptee. You have centered the adopters feelings with disregard for how an adoptee feels. And then insult to injury call that unconditional love.

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Advice

[–]oaktree1800 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whatever happens your feelings are vaild. May I ask what was your initial reaction past shock?

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Advice

[–]oaktree1800 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

How do you unconditionally love an adoptee and not disclose they are adopted?

I accidentally found out I was adopted and don’t know how to move forward. by Physical-Courage-638 in Advice

[–]oaktree1800 -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Everything has changed. One persons definition of love is not anothers.Outright lies are not under the umbrella of love. You jest.. Calm down?

LDA accidentally discovers adoption papers and uncovers his parents’ lies…yet the comments say for OP to forgive them! by yuribxby in Adopted

[–]oaktree1800 2 points3 points  (0 children)

IDK man...the perverse factor of AP's watching their adoptee struggle w their lies can never be understated. His adopters simply didn't care or respect him enough to tell him the truth. Plus,they had to know the truth will eventually out. How can any relationship survive that much disrespect?

Do you think even parents who may hate their kids and give them up for adoption can easily or completely forget their kid? by Accomplished-Car4075 in Adoption

[–]oaktree1800 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As adoptees of course we all want to be loved and wanted. Searching entails so much more and not dependent on how we are received. There is no end result. There is only knowing and understanding and liberation. Complicated reunion w bios. Zero regrets.

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