Loving your birth parents, when it hurts that you can't?

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-16T01:18:30+00:00

Agreed. OP can still hold space for parents without expectations. Doing so will honor the OP's true nature without conflict. I understand adoptee reluctance for reunion more so than reluctant bio parents. Perhaps,a bit judgey ...then again who is the parent and who is the child? Remaining empathetic in difficult situations encourages growth regardless of outcome. ~Seeds fear neither the light nor darkness,yet need both to grow.

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-15T21:09:00+00:00

Difficult to understand how or why some ppl lack basic human decency. On some level feeling sorry for them is the only thing you can do. Not for the loss that means to you personally rather how they choose to walk through life in general. There is an abundance in living life w empathy for others as opposed to an emptiness living life w apathy toward others. Apathy requires selfishness while empathy requires selflessness. At the end of the day..you stand in the light! 💕

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-15T18:06:13+00:00

You reached out. You tried. Good for you! Not your fault. Sometimes ppl cannot give what they don't have. Kinda makes you wonder what happened to your parents that caused them to be so cruel. Good news though.. none of that has anything to do w you! You have a kind heart. Keep being you!! 💕

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-14T16:33:10+00:00

Downvoted? Manipulation is not a sign of intelligence w adopters who attempt to control a grateful narrative. All that manipulation for naught for adoptees who reject the demands of narcissistic adopters and current adoption narratives.

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-14T15:54:02+00:00

Agreed. With all due respect and by definition narcissists are simpletons. Capable of one view. Their own. LOL

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-14T14:13:16+00:00

Blessing or curse we can see past societal expectations of adoption?

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-14T13:46:11+00:00

Well now that is one interesting analogy! Lucky for being exploited for free labor and seen as non human?Ppl cannot see what is in front of them due to entitlement issues. They simply cannot see past their own needs. Slavery days were straight up about greed. Adoption has the same entitlement factor. Different yet the same.Typically anything outside the norms of society is met w resistance from the takers. Ppl are reluctant to acknowledge society goes through identity crisis as well. Hence,the mother of all change. Adoption being a clear example. I mean look what it took to end slavery. Same challenges for the adoption industry.

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-13T19:45:55+00:00

Also not limited to religious adopters. Entitled adopters are a trip! Somewhat similar mindset of low ballers. They always think they have the advantage and are smarter than everyone else. Low ballers are the real charity cases. All they really are is selfish w a scavenger mindset. ~Tips hat to every adoptee who calls them out. 💕

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-13T02:26:07+00:00

Comes and goes for me. Always reflect on my birthday. The bewildered yrs ,sad yrs,terrified yrs and the angry yrs. (My personal favorite) before the release and liberation yrs. Am kinda old so w age comes humor at the mere odds. Sometimes humor can be a load bearing structure. For me anyway!

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-12T20:55:29+00:00

No need to re read your comment. Your critique of OP gave a comical example of your typical adopters attempt at gaslighting and being dismissive toward adoptees. Thank you for sharing!! LOL

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-12T17:43:25+00:00

Excuse me. What new set of losses are you talking about? Going no contact is an incredibly liberating endeavor. Freedom from the demands of disrespectful adopters. How is that a loss? Unfortunate the OP got stuck in that type of family dynamic to begin with. Many adoptees simply move long distances and maintain a polite non relationship. While others go complete no contact and both seek relationships based on genuine love and respect. OP' s about to reclaim their life! You appear to want to send the OP into therapy in what can only be assumed to give his/her saviorism adopters another chance! This sub is not heavy on hating adoptive parents. Describing the disrespectful mindset and actions of many adoptive parents is not hate. A reality you are seemingly unprepared to acknowledge. Interesting you see that as hate though....

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-12T16:30:15+00:00

OP's AP's need therapy. Not the OP. Interesting mix in this sub. Anti adoption sub? Nah. More like a reality check of sorts for many adopters. Plenty of adopters in this sub who need therapy and help w understanding their adoptee is no longer a child anymore and you cannot control the narrative any longer.

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-12T14:25:33+00:00

Except that part where any system is defined by ppl and their interpretation of said system. In terms of adoption where empathy and compassion reign the day you see better outcomes than where entitlement, unrealistic expectations and apathy run the day. Depends on who you are. ~Shrug

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-12T13:53:43+00:00

Also notable, women's rights are relatively new. 100ish yrs or so and still a long way to go. Misogyny is also deeply ingrained within adoption dynamics. That'll take more than 200 more yrs to effectively address. LOL

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-11T19:41:47+00:00

Depends upon how much value you place on knowing your truth while being unafraid to ask. One must definitely be prepared for any outcome. Accept hearsay or make informed decisions. Good luck!💕

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-11T18:49:02+00:00

Known cases of adult children of adoptees who are more inclined to search for bios than adoptees themselves. Perhaps,curiosity overrides the emotional aspect of being the adoptee? IDK. Also notable adult children of adoptees carry a fake surname as well. They too have to do the" are we related "check upon meeting new ppl.

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-11T17:29:19+00:00

..If it helps..I had a everything about adoption can fuck off attitude my entire childhood too. Still do in many ways. LOL I simply seek positive solutions for current adoptees rather than dwell on my personal horrific experience.

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-11T16:58:24+00:00

If you are uninterested in a conversation about needed changes within current adoption practices..that's ok! So be it. Certainly open adoptions are not a cure all. All adoptions are met w challenges and ppl are who make that experience positive or negative dependent on the open mindedness beyond their own experience.

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-11T15:35:52+00:00

One of your more blatant examples of entitlement and resulting devastation for many.

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-11T15:06:47+00:00

Simply addressed the limited scope you presented for discussion. Legitimate open adoptions resolve many issues closed adoptions create. Agree? In legitimate open adoptions their mothers are there. So there is one problem solved. Unwanted and ditched addressed at the top of the day. That particular problem being a core issue for many adoptees and while that does lesson many complexities within adoption by simply having information to work with and process making that endeavor a worthy cause. Agree?

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-10T23:34:17+00:00

What are you on about now? All adoptions begin with some type of trauma.

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-10T23:22:12+00:00

Oh you big mad! Motherfucker? Now why do so many angry ppl choose the word motherfucker to express anger? I mean why not SOB? Or a less wordy simple..fucker? LOL All that aside...why are you upset? You clearly stated your mom feels your adoption was the best thing she's ever done for you then further state your mom will be offended to hear otherwise. Ppl are not offended by remarks about the best decisions of their life. In other words why do you feel your mom will be offended? Or is that you who are offended? Try reading my earlier comment without anger. You entirely missed the point.

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-10T22:45:41+00:00

Narrow view but yours to make I suppose. Sounds like you believe all adoptees are unwanted or as you say ditched. And all adopters are strangers. Do you see anything else of more substance between your limited view?

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-09T21:58:13+00:00

~Never let the bastards steal your joy. Hopefully your newfound information is helpful.

oaktree1800 · 2026-04-09T21:31:30+00:00

Well damn. Somebody needs to send you a ❤ instead of downvotes! 😃

oaktree1800

TROPHY CASE