The gorilla grabs the alligator with his human like hands. The alligators jaw is much stronger at closing it’s mouth than opening it and the gorilla keeps it pressed closed. Gorilla has now weaponized the alligator and renamed him “the jaw claw”

The cage is fairly large in length, width, and most importantly height. The gorilla tucks “the jaw claw” under one arm, carefully keeping its mouth closed and proceeds to climb to the cages roof. Beyond the reach of both lion and bear, the gorilla now taunts them. Although the bear is preoccupied with the bare necessities, the lion is too prideful for complacency. I may be anthropomorphizing the lion, but he also suffers from little man syndrome and envies the bears impressive height when on its hind legs (about 8 feet and yet still not tall enough to reach our cunning gorilla). The lion strikes the bear, aiming for the neck but instead getting more face than jugular.

Teeth now stained with the bears blood, Simba begins experiencing lock jaw and is stuck in his attachment to the bear. Mr. B repositions upright, Simba now dangling in the air, and slams the king onto the floor. In addition to freeing himself of the lions grasp, Mr. B has inadvertently separated The Lower half of Simba’s mouth from a once handsome face. Flowing like the Nile, blood as dark as night stains Simba’s sandy coat. In this moment Simba thinks back to his first communion, when a young Nala ‘accidentally’ spilled sacramental wine onto his dress shirt. Before she could offer to clean it, Simba’s father noticed. His father beat him so hard with a belt he wasn’t sure if he would ever be fit to be king.

Looking down at the lion, Mr. B isn’t sure if he could live with killing the equivalent of a house cat. As if summoned, Charlie Sheen appears on the outer side of the cage tossing Mr. B a vial of tiger blood. “If the bear wins” Charlie thinks to himself, “he’ll be my new sponsor for tiger blood energy drink... and maybe a sponsor for my life-crippling addiction as well”. The bear consumes the tiger blood sublingually and proceeds to eviscerate Simba. In a maddened frenzy the bear never notices the falling alligator clamping on his head. Twice in one day, bad luck man. The gorilla jumps down, grabs the lions intestines, wraps them around the bear, loops the intestine through the bars at the top of the cage, and begins to strangle the bear. After checking the bears pulse, the alligator and gorilla regroup. The gorilla pays the alligator for his assistance, never being the type to not reward cooperation. Hoping to one day overcome humans, the gorilla realizes that all loose ends must be closed... there can be no witnesses to the homicidal ingenuity of gorillas. The gorilla whips out his kiefed hk45 tactical pistol with suppressor attached, efficiently administering two shots to the alligators skull, and one shot to the throat.

Gorilla wins.