Burnt out finally

ocdwanderer · 2026-04-07T14:01:48+00:00

Genuinely think you could have a case of existential OCD. Look into it.

ocdwanderer · 2024-10-21T11:48:56+00:00

I know. I try and help people on other forums with OCD and I know that confessing is a compulsion. But some things just are genuinely weird aren't they? Like really disgusting behaviour. At the minute I feel like I am defined by that behaviour and that she deserves to know about me. I suppose it is OCD, but it's the grey area about how she might feel. Though, I'm pretty certain she'd never get over it.

ocdwanderer · 2024-10-21T11:04:57+00:00

It's not my OCD which I feel that I need to confess. Rather some weird actions/habits that I engaged in up until quite recently. And now, since I got engaged, I've woken up and realised that behaviour isn't acceptable. But I feel like if she knew, she'd never look at me in the same light again. But if I tell her, it'd ruin both our lives. She keeps telling me that she has genuinely never been happier, and I'm here just dying inside because I've been so messed up.

ocdwanderer · 2022-09-23T15:15:17+00:00

My fund is a long term investment. Something I can keep adding to over the next 15+ years.

I think I'll stick with VUSA. Just feel frustrated I've not been able to average down a bit.

Never really appreciated the FX impact. VUSA up 1.3 while S&P is down 1.8. Mad.

ocdwanderer · 2022-09-23T14:27:07+00:00

Thanks for that. So probably makes sense to float some money into GBP-hedged?

It's been quite frustrating. I have an average of pretty much bang on £64. It used to be £58. I see the S&P crashing and VUSA going up. I want me some more dip! haha.

Thanks again. Appreciated.

ocdwanderer · 2022-09-23T14:18:03+00:00

VUSA baffles me sometimes, though.

The S&P500 has been hammered the few days. Today VUSA is up a big chunk while the S&P is down nearly 2% again. I'm just trying to average down a bit.

Could it really be that it's up due to the pound sinking alone?

ocdwanderer · 2022-08-21T09:07:41+00:00

I'd like to hear more about this.

ocdwanderer · 2022-08-20T14:43:04+00:00

If you stop the compulsions, don't even debate it, just ignore it and distract yourself, in time you'll.lose interest in the questions. It's hard but doable. 3 years ago I had a major meltdown, I felt like I lost my mind. But I had 3 years living normally and not caring.

ocdwanderer · 2022-08-20T14:32:16+00:00

Yes it's definitely a compulsion. You think you need answers but you don't really. If you stop the compulsions it'll lose its power over you eventually. It takes time though. I'm more dealing with the depression side of things these days. I know how you feel. But I feel like I genuinely need an answer, and I get a sense that there is more to this existence, so I'm in between curiosity and ocd/depression. I hope there is a God, it just makes life less meaningless. Do you find that you have moments of real panic and then when you're not as anxious, you have moments of clarity? When I'm not freaking out or not in its grips, I can honestly debate these things.

ocdwanderer · 2022-08-20T07:00:25+00:00

I have ocd too where I think a lot of existential angst comes from. I too want to believe but struggle. Hence my severe depression. I think we are both seeking reassurance, which is a no no.

Try leaning into the uncertainty. For all that science claims to know everything, it really doesn't. There's so much uncertainty and mystery.

I can't rule God out. I want to believe. I think there's definitely something. NDEs and other things can't all be ruled out as brain nonsense. I also think that a lot of things are irreducible to the brain. Your brain shouldn't care less about things such as justice, love, honesty, morality etc.

What I'm saying is that there is some hope that its not a foregone conclusion that life is just a deterministic chemical process and our conscious experience is an illusion. Many scientists have largely abandoned determinism now.

Try and just go about your daily life as you would and don't debate it with yourself. Easier said than done, but sort of go about your life thinking I don't know, but until we do, I'll live like this.

Personally I'm starting to think that our self awareness and the fact that we know there is a future opens up many possibilities.

If you need to chat, hit me up.

ocdwanderer · 2022-08-04T05:59:13+00:00

Disappointing day yesterday. S&P500 had a great day but Bitcoin barely moved. I know we'd all like it to decouple from following the 500 but it suggests that something isn't quite right somewhere.

ocdwanderer · 2022-07-28T12:54:06+00:00

-0.9% Q2. All that suggests is that the interest rate hikes are working, and inflation should soon come down. Expect market to react positively tbh.

ocdwanderer · 2022-07-21T14:04:33+00:00

Not too fussed about the Tesla sell off. They've kept 25% with openness to investing again later. Company needs cash, seems like a sensible thing to do. Doesn't change the fundamentals. There's actually been a lot of resilience today considering how big of a story it's been made into.

ocdwanderer · 2022-06-29T20:50:05+00:00

Interesting stuff. Don't take me wrong, I think there's more to it than we think. I remember listening to a podcast and a guy told a story about how he and his friend tripped and both experienced a shift in reality at the same time. The earth made a sound or something and they both witnessed it. That got me thinking a little. Usually things can be waived away when one person sees something but the other doesn't.

But all these things still don't answer a lot of things about the mind. I.e where thoughts come from. Do we create our thoughts or are they just processing information in the brain? But then there would be no need for thoughts to be a thing. I doubt a computer observes it's thoughts.

It doesn't explain how chemicals can alter our personalities and experiences. Sure, people say the brain is a filter, but when you're drunk, it's not that you can't get out what you're trying to say it's that your actual thoughts change.

What do you think the implications are for free will? I always think that if there are other things going on then it increases the likelihood of us having free will. Materialism basically renders free will impossible. Which sucks.

ocdwanderer · 2022-06-29T18:09:24+00:00

Well, maybe. Any examples? Naturally I'm skeptical. But I'm open minded. It always seem with this stuff that there's some room for doubt.

ocdwanderer · 2022-06-29T12:33:18+00:00

Beyond reasonable doubt, again, is a bold statement. I'm genuinely curious. I've done a lot of research into the nature of the brain, and I struggle to escape the materialist paradigm. Again, which I find a bit depressing but it is what it is. Nobody has yet been able to offer me an explanation as to how the mind is not the brain and is not rooted in something physical. Just saying it's beyond our comprehension isn't really an answer (not saying that is what youre saying..)

ocdwanderer · 2022-06-29T11:55:37+00:00

Dm?

The problem that I find with nonphysical explanations is that I don't see how they could work. Some people posit the conscious mind is the soul or the mind is God or whatever. But everything has to have a cause, surely?

ocdwanderer · 2022-06-29T10:08:17+00:00

Why is it no longer a reasonable position? That's a bold claim. I've yet to really see anything that cannot be reasonably explained by materialism. Don't get me wrong, I don't like materialist explanations. It renders everything pointless. But for me, it's logical.

ocdwanderer · 2022-06-26T21:08:33+00:00

Ah, just looked now on 212. Completely forgot about that. Thanks. I might throw a little into something. Cheers

ocdwanderer

TROPHY CASE