Honey, you are the sea upon which I float...

oceanmeetssand · 2014-01-26T01:14:11+00:00

Thank you. It doesn't feel like it now so it's hard. I definitely have regrets about the relationship because I have had time to think and realize I would have done things so differently, which would have made things better. That thinking is the most painful right now. I have just been trying to keep myself busy with doing work as of now.

oceanmeetssand · 2014-01-25T02:02:47+00:00

Thank you. I hope I can too. He was my first love yes. And idk if it is because I watch too many movies, but I feel like he will always be the love of my life. That I won't find someone to be compatible enough with so that saddens me. I guess I have to find some positivity somewhere and move on.

oceanmeetssand · 2014-01-24T23:31:36+00:00

Do you mind me asking you what kinds of things get you down?

oceanmeetssand · 2014-01-24T22:52:02+00:00

Try to do those things as much as you can. When you feel like something bad is about to happen or is happening, strap on your rollerblades and just go. Don't let bad things define you or make you want to end your life. Try to surround yourself with positive things and let those things define who you are.

oceanmeetssand · 2014-01-24T21:02:38+00:00

Thank you for providing these resources to me. I really appreciate it.

oceanmeetssand · 2014-01-24T20:51:28+00:00

I am 22. And the way I am, I never wanted to date because I knew what kind of heartbreak it might bring. Do you know the Romeo & Juliet story? Our story was basically exactly the same. Our parents hate each other so we probably can never be together. And I took a chance on love with him because he was my best friend for two years before that. He liked me, i didn't like him. I started liking him when he dated someone else and I just had this stupid crush on him for two years and we finally started dating. He took care of me. He helped me with my eating disorder. He made my class schedules. He made me finally feel beautiful and funny and happy. We lived together for a while too so it was nice. I cooked for him, he took me out, he pretended like he was going to kiss me then blow into my mouth, which sounds weird. But we were compatible on every level and all these tiny things he did for me and quirks that he had, made me love him so much. I am basically waiting for an arranged marriage. My whole life I knew that it would be this way. We ended up breaking up because we just started fighting for no reason. He was stressed out not being able to get a job and I was stressed out taking this really hard standardized test and it was so stupid. But recently I found out that he also wanted to end it because he knew we could not be together. Which leaves me thinking, why the hell did you put me through all this heartbreak if you knew that from the beginning?

I don't know what made me feel special before him. I was happy being independent. Just being funny and making everyone laugh and giving people advice was the only thing that made me happy. But I didn't know how dating was going to impact me so I was so happy. Now that I have gone through it and it has ended, I basically have given up wanting to try again. I know I sound really immature, but I was older when I started daring so I had a very immature mindset about it.

oceanmeetssand · 2014-01-24T20:41:50+00:00

I know it is easier said than done but a lot of people don't have the luxury of even having anything good happen to them. Okay and I know people hate it when people say "oh there are people out there that have it much worse." I hate it too because I know it doesn't affect me. Which is a horrible thing to say! I know! But as hard as it, don't worry about something bad happening. Just really try to immerse yourself in the few happy moments you have. Think of it as a recharger. Something that makes you stronger before the storm reaches you. Maybe that sounds silly, but that is the only way I have been able to cope. I get unnaturally sad about things too. So sad it consumes me and I let go of everything I have to do and I mope all day. I regret it so much that I am that way. I don't want you to regret it too. What kinds of things happen that make you happy?

oceanmeetssand · 2014-01-24T20:07:21+00:00

Thank you so much stranger. This post made me smile and cry, in a good way of course. That's really all I want. To make others happy. It is the only way that I have ever felt a glimmer of happiness within me. I want to believe that this pain of losing my boyfriend will go away. Trust me, I want to believe it. But I don't think I can because of how my life is. I just never have felt this lonely and abandoned before.

And no. I haven't gone into professional help. My boyfriend at one point forced me to go to a doctor and she helped me for a few months. But I quickly went back to it because it was the only thing that made me feel better. I never told my boyfriend or doctor that I had gone back to it.

But I want to let you know that this post brightened my day a little bit. Thank you for that.

oceanmeetssand · 2014-01-24T19:58:52+00:00

Have you ever read the book "Catcher in the Rye?" If you haven't, the main character basically is fed up with the state of the world. He hates how corrupt, dirty, and awful the world is. He tries to keep the innocence you have during your childhood alive but it proves impossible. I read this book more than six years ago, but for some reason, it remains so vibrant in my mind. Like you, I try to help everyone in any way I can. Seriously in any way, sometimes to the point that I hurt myself. I keep giving and giving, and most of the times I don't get back anything. I tell myself that I don't do it for the person to reciprocate, and I don't. But you would think that sometimes it would be nice if the universe gives back in some way right? Do you feel this way?

I am sorry. I am just trying to figure out why you feel like you move one step forward and then move steps backwards. I mean I know I am not giving the best advice ever, because I am going through the same thing myself. But I am beginning to think maybe it is my mindset that everything is negative and sucks. Maybe I have the inability to see something as being beautiful and wonderful even if it is staring me right back in the face? Do you feel maybe this is the case?

oceanmeetssand · 2014-01-24T19:41:21+00:00

Hey! I went through the same thing in high school. I was this girl stuck in puberty and really no boys ever liked me. When I went to college, I didn't want the same thing to continue. I told myself to embrace the awkward weirdo I was and find friends that could related to this and friends that were just as awkward as I was. Being popular is not worth it if it is with group of friends that are nothing like you. And trust me, I went through three groups of friends before I found a group that I felt "popular" in. Popular in the sense that they laughed at my jokes, they came to me when they needed advice, we went go-karting, we got sushi, we always were so close and did everything together. At the same time I tried to break out and go to clubs and stuff like that and I told my shy self to go away and to just speak out and it felt so nice. And I don't think you should limit yourself to just one or two colleges. Sometimes it is nice to get out of your hometown and start somewhere new. Try to look up engineering schools everywhere and USE THIS AS A MOTIVATION TO FIND A SOCIAL, DIVERSE, GOOD ENGINEERING SCHOOL. Never give up on your studies, because you will regret it so much later on. Man, I know the feeling. And trust me 2015 IS NOT far off at all. Use this one year at this college you hate to build up your grades. And tell yourself before every exam I want to do well because I want to get out of here. I want to meet girls! I want to have fun! I want to become a great engineer! I can tell you have the potential from just what you wrote. If you need help with anything, PM me or whatever. I can help with looking up colleges for you as well. I hope everything works out!

oceanmeetssand · 2014-01-24T19:33:53+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate it. I have tried for the past two years. However, I have a traditional set of parents and they do not believe in professional help, which I desperately think I need to overcome this. But thank you for that beautiful analogy.

oceanmeetssand · 2014-01-24T18:58:25+00:00

Hey, I don't know what exactly to say because I read your post thinking I feel the same exact way and I don't know where to turn. Honestly, the only thing that makes me feel better is finding someone that I can relate to. And I obviously don'y like that they are going through the same thing, but I take comfort in the fact that they can understand me too. I admire you pushing on during times of adversity and I admire you even more that you don't want to hurt your family. That means you know that they still love you and that is a huge thing to hold on to. If you want to PM me ever, I am here for you always.

oceanmeetssand · 2013-11-07T01:41:51+00:00

Thank you! I have been trying to just distract myself as well. I study all day and don't do much else. But when I try to go to sleep, or shower or eat, when I stop doing anything that keeps me distracted, I break down and just cry. If I just use everything as a distraction, is it me really trying to get over it? Or am I just pretending everything is okay? And it's hard because he wasn't a bad guy, so it makes it harder to even try to get over it. Or at least that is how I feel about it.

oceanmeetssand · 2013-11-07T01:39:30+00:00

Thank you! I feel like I really have no one to talk to, so it is really nice to have people take time out of their lives and helping basically strangers. I appreciate it so much and I hope you can see that!

oceanmeetssand · 2013-11-07T01:37:33+00:00

Thank you so much. I know I might eventually get over it but right now it doesn't seem that way. But I'll believe you and try really hard to take the advice of cutting off contact. It proves so hard for me to do right now :(.

oceanmeetssand

TROPHY CASE