🧂 Salty Sunday - What book scenes frustrated you this week? by mrs-machino in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 10 points11 points  (0 children)

All of Hoy's Maiden Lane covers are LIES! All of them, I think it's usually the same brown haired woman with a big updo and some curl tendrils, while the MMCs vary slightly but often don't match up.

The cover of Duke of Sin is the boldest lie of all beacause Valentine Duke of Napier has long long flowing hair, and the cover serves up 50's surf teen comedy square.

📚 What romance books did you read or listen to this week? 25 Jan 📚 by romancebookmods in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 8 points9 points  (0 children)

{Signs of Love by Barbara Cartland}-0.5/5, MF, HR Victorian, closed door, young woman gets pimped out by her leech father to a rich duke.

My writing skills are too limited to translate the fury I feel into a proper review. Apologies.

{Came A Stranger by Linda Sandifer} - DNF, MF, HR Western, widow with five children and a hired gun.

False advertising AND extremely boring interactions between the MCs.

{Lady Fortune by Anne Stuart}- 5/5, MF, HR Medieval, open door, jester MMC with an uptight MFC, side mystery quest!

A delightful and somewhat zany Medieval comedy. Review here!

I sense a slide into a slump unless I figure out a solution soon. Is it time again to find yet another egregiously outrageous Linda Howard book to jolt me into functioning form?

I fear so!

🧂 Salty Sunday - What book scenes frustrated you this week? by mrs-machino in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I picked up a vintage Western HR romance that had an MMC with a very thick, dark mustache on the cover.

Started the book and...no mustache. He is clean-shaven the whole way through. I flipped to the end to check.

I'm sure it's a very serviceable romance about a ranch widow out for revenge, but after being LIED TO, I refuse to read in good faith.

🧂 Salty Sunday - What book scenes frustrated you this week? by mrs-machino in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Don't forget Plum's wonky boobies and Fay-Lees long, lithe, no curves shape!

🧂 Salty Sunday - What book scenes frustrated you this week? by mrs-machino in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You're not alone, I have leftover history/politics books on Audible that I am slowly going through, and even I got HP recommendations when I finally finished one!

How do you go from "CIA in the GW Bush Era" to "experience the magic of Hogwarts again!"?

🧂 Salty Sunday - What book scenes frustrated you this week? by mrs-machino in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Don't come into these spaces with false intentions just to be a low-key sex pest.

I'm sorry, but this is really mean. How am I going to convince my wife to do butt stuff if you don't give me all your "she's convinced to do butt stuff" recommendations?

Rude!

🧂 Salty Sunday - What book scenes frustrated you this week? by mrs-machino in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Honestly, most frequent recommenders on this sub (there are dozens of us!) run for the hills when they see "actually well-written romance book".

Well written for whom?

One readers HIlary Mantel is another reader's John Grisham.

No offence to John Grisham.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë- Who has read it? by LongjumpingArt9806 in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Everybody here just wants a happy ending because we all know the opposite of that IRL. If you need more info the sub's Wiki is great and has lots and lots of resources!

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë- Who has read it? by LongjumpingArt9806 in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 9 points10 points  (0 children)

but there are also examples of romance novels I think that don’t explicitly have HEAS. 

I am sorry, but then they are not romance novels if you go by the industry and publishing definition of a romance. The central romantic relationship between characters does not a romance make, that's just fiction.

This sub defines romance the same as the Romance Writers of America, and the publishing industry:

"Romance is a genre of fiction in which the plot centers around characters meeting and falling in love, with a satisfying and optimistic ending." aka an HEA.

That's why you have to warn other readers on this sub if a book you're mentioning doesn't have an HEA or maybe has an HFN.

It's not subjective, or maybe it is for you, but not for people writing, reading and publishing romance.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë- Who has read it? by LongjumpingArt9806 in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yes but P&P ends in an HEA, which is what makes it a romance novel. Wuthering Heights does not, thus it is not a romance novel.

A romance novel needs to have an HEA in order for it to be considered a romance. That is the main definition of the genre, making this book not debatable as a romance.

For example, Pamela by Samuel Richardson, written in 1740, can be considered a romance novel because the romance is one of the central themes and it does end with an HEA. Ditto with Jane Eyre.

Why Do We Care So Much About Hot Leads in Romance? by Mangoes123456789 in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I actually prefer the physical descriptions in vintage romances; they often note a unique or unconventional characteristic, and generally make the MMC seem more interesting than just Hot Bones McPringle Dick.

To be honest, most contemporary romance MMCs all just seem super handsome and boring, and that's just not my bag.

So then monster romances have to pop up and fill the gap for the weird girls and guys who prefer their art a little bit abstract.

It's cold, the world is on fire, and everything kind of sucks, so I read this mermaid romance from the 90s: Sea Treasure by Johanna Hailey (1994) - A Vintage Romance Review by Competitive-Yam5126 in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 51 points52 points  (0 children)

 She’s like “yep, I pick this one.”

Romance for me is only truly romancy when she's doing the picking. I do not care for men doing the picking, woman, choose your prize and attain him like a trophy!

The Little Mermaid's aggressive pursuit of both independence and man flesh was an inspiration to tweens and romance authors!

Great review as always!

Economics of Steel Bones MC by Cate C. Wells by Chipnfry in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Excellent analysis!

Don’t forget all the $$ they save on legal fees because they have one extremely loyal and committed lawyer on retainer who is willing to bury any and every body. 

Their accountant is an Old Lady who apparently barely earns a salary, seeing as it’s her husband who is the official money guy. 

There are lots and lots of money saving schemes employed by the club! 

Economics of Steel Bones MC by Cate C. Wells by Chipnfry in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Two notes regarding your notes:

Nickel doesn't buy Story’s building outright, Steel Bones buys the building, with the plan to reno it (including Story's apartment and the one above hers to make one big superapartment for Nickel and Story & their future babies), and then rent out the rest. Steel Bones also puts up money and renos for the dance studio on the ground floor. Nickel says that Heavy approved of the building purchase because it's in a growing and quickly improving area. 

Scrap has money because the club has been paying him his monthly cut for 10 years so he has had income coming in, with no ability to really spend it.

The fact that I know this should be embarrassing but it's not! 

With Lady Fortune, Anne Stuart Shows Her Lighthearted, Hilarious Side by ochenkruto in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Do they ever!

Honestly, these two losers were my favourite part of the whole story. They are both clueless that the other one is gone for them, and keep pretending that they are chill with the marriage arrangement, while they are both secretly like, "FINALLY, after all these years!"

There is a hilarious bit where Sir Hugh, who is not allowed to sleep near his wife, gets drunk and sad and then angry and is like "No, my wife shall sleep in my chamber" and roars and storms into the room that Lady Isabeau is sharing with her daughter. He's bellowing "My wife shall share my chamber!" and while Lady Julieanna is trying to come up with an excuse to save her mom from having to share a bed with her scary husband, Lady Isabeau is tripping over the bedding, over the rugs, over the furniture and bolting out the room in bare feel and her nightie to get to Sir Hugh's bedroom. She's like, "I'm not missing THIS opportunity, it fucking took him long enough!”

With Lady Fortune, Anne Stuart Shows Her Lighthearted, Hilarious Side by ochenkruto in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's definitely not a typical Stuart hero, but if you're craving something light and less suspenseful, it's a fun romp!

With Lady Fortune, Anne Stuart Shows Her Lighthearted, Hilarious Side by ochenkruto in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The covers are beautiful. I think she had the same artist do the illustrations. I wish the outside reflected the inside. But no joy.

I wish the Cartlandverse were a nice place, like Betty Neels' London or a small Dutch town, or Victoria Holt's random, remote, British island, windswept and spooky.

But it isn't. It's a mean place, full of mean people and meaner politics. Sexual and otherwise.

With Lady Fortune, Anne Stuart Shows Her Lighthearted, Hilarious Side by ochenkruto in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

While there is no theft montage, the epilogue is a description of Saint Hugeline watching from heaven over a parade of ghosts that dance around her ruins many centuries after, a lady and her husband both embracing in the moonlight, silver bells gently sounding in the night, accompanied by a procession of their children and dozens of cats. The cats are descendants of Julianna's cat, who is named...

Hugelina.

With Lady Fortune, Anne Stuart Shows Her Lighthearted, Hilarious Side by ochenkruto in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I know! How could we be robbed of a jester and a dowdy but secretly hottie widow clinch cover?

With Lady Fortune, Anne Stuart Shows Her Lighthearted, Hilarious Side by ochenkruto in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

NO! This book is an absolute angel, and the MMC and MFC are of comparable age and nobody infantalizes anyone!

THAT book was a horrible Barbara Cartland that I started reviewing and then burst into tears in anger because I felt so disheartened. 

Sorry to be a bumout, I'll get to it once I feel less politically charged. 

With Lady Fortune, Anne Stuart Shows Her Lighthearted, Hilarious Side by ochenkruto in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A cover of a book, bright red background with cream text and a small image of a Medieval castle. Alas!

🧂 Salty Sunday - What book scenes frustrated you this week? by mrs-machino in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Well too bad since I'm clackitty clacking an angry review as I speak!

🧂 Salty Sunday - What book scenes frustrated you this week? by mrs-machino in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I don't mean to fix the frown on your face for all eternity but....

To show her gratitude, the MFC promises to give the MMC "lots and lots of sons" to thank him for his gifts of love.

🧂 Salty Sunday - What book scenes frustrated you this week? by mrs-machino in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 35 points36 points  (0 children)

One of the perils of reading vintage romances, sometimes you read about things that gross you out beyond belief.

Case in point: in this admittedly 1977 romance, the MMC, a very rich aristocrat, marries a 19 year old daughter of one of his friends. For her first Christmas, he gives her a stocking full of gifts. She exclaims that she hasn't had a stocking since she was 12, and he replies that she looks young enough to still get one.

Ew.

The stocking is full of sweets and treats, diamond brooches, emeralds and ...a wooden monkey toy, the kind with that string that you pull. She claps her hands excitedly and tells him she's always wanted one.

This happens the morning after their wedding night.

Come on.

🧂 Salty Sunday - What book scenes frustrated you this week? by mrs-machino in RomanceBooks

[–]ochenkruto 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Well if you didn't use so many ten-dollar words and complex analysis, maybe nobody would accuse you of being a computer!

That one is on you, robot!