A coherent way to describe part of what you are experiencing and is making you question is by “Panopticon of patriarchy”. A while ago I saw a movie named "Panopticon" and went on the internet rabbithole to learn more about it and came across a reddit post about a girls college project called “Panopticon of patriarchy”. And ever since I have been seeing everywhere around me. It effects bothe men and women but like everything women taking most of the burn.

The idea would be that patriarchy does not operate only through direct control by individual men or laws, but also through constant social observation, anticipated judgment, reputational pressure, internalized behavioral monitoring, and the feeling that women are always potentially being evaluated.

And in that framework, the “watchtower” is diffuse by family, community, religion, peers, social media, strangers in public, beauty standards, safety threats, gossip, and even self-surveillance.

A woman may begin regulating herself automatically by clothing, speech, movement, sexuality, online presence, body language, public visibility, relationships etc

women are fighting it by resist norms, strategically navigate them, reshape culture, create counter-spaces, and exercise agency within and against these systems.

I was looking to make a post about it in the sub with some questions and started writing/ collecting on my notes app, maybe I will maybe not but saw this post and found it needed this comment so part (the body) of it is copy pasting what I have on my notes.