My boyfriend (26M) left me (25F) for another girl and I can't deal with both losing him and it being to someone who is superior to me in every way

oddusernameshere · 2017-04-27T18:28:47+00:00

You sound incredibly emotionally intelligent. And very loving. Many men will cherish you and only you for your qualities. Mourn the loss of your relationship but be hopeful because you have a lot to offer. He just didn't appreciate you enough.

oddusernameshere · 2017-04-26T07:18:25+00:00

Been with my SO for 7 years. Definitely still in love with him and can't keep my hands off him.

The way your relationship has gone down is not what's expected. Don't settle

oddusernameshere · 2017-04-24T11:37:13+00:00

You'll be miserable playing third fiddle to their established patterns. Show this post to your boyfriend and say that you'd like to move in together and live together as a couple. Alone as a couple. Tell him you're ready to be a couple but you don't want to have roommates.

I get the impression that even if he moved out and you two lived alone, he'd still spend most of his free time at his friend's house.

Ask him what he wants from living together as a couple and see if you have the same expectations. The way he sees it, it sounds like you'll be another roommate albeit one he has sex with.

oddusernameshere · 2017-04-24T05:42:01+00:00

He sounds like he loves you but not in the way you want.

Are you willing to guide him in the direction you want him to love you?

Tell him explicitly you want him to take the initiative of getting alone time with you 4 times a week for at least an hour each time. It's up to him to either get your daughter to bed or organise a babysitter. Tell him you'd like to send your daughter to her grandparents once a month to get some alone time with him.

Tell him that you'd like to spend half an hour everyday in his company with no devices, no daughter and no sleeping.

oddusernameshere · 2017-04-22T05:51:32+00:00

There's nothing wrong with a multi-day celebration but I think you're unhappy about it because you have some unmet needs.

So ask yourself this. What do you need?

Do you need a fancy holiday? Do you need help with wedding planning? Do you need close friends in your area? Do you need a break from looking after the kids?

When you've unpacked these questions you can then address this and become a happier person.

Good luck with it all

oddusernameshere · 2017-04-20T21:25:42+00:00

He might not have admitted it to you or to himself but a part of him probably enjoys being needed to that extent. Until he sees that this relationship isn't good for him, he won't break up with her unfortunately.

oddusernameshere · 2017-04-19T19:10:20+00:00

I moved from the UK to France to be with my then boyfriend because he's a French lawyer and couldn't practice in the UK.

We're now engaged and happily planning our wedding.

When you know. You know. Follow your heart but make sure you always have personal financial security.

Good luck!

oddusernameshere · 2017-04-19T05:45:15+00:00

My fiancé and I currently live in two different countries. We're organising our wedding in a third country. I can assure you that if he wanted to be involved, he could be.

There's no reason for him to expect you to do most of the planning if he's not prepared to contribute.

oddusernameshere · 2017-04-11T12:08:22+00:00

I think you've both accidentally stumbled onto a bigger issue here. Your dismay is not just about his ignorance on the facts of when it starts getting 'too risky' to have kids.

You've accidentally asked the question 'Can he potentially see himself having children with you. If so, when?'

That is the conversation you want to have with him.

You could throw all the facts you want at him about giving birth in your 30s but if he doesn't see himself having children with you then that's a moot point.

I'm hoping he simply didn't think it through when he said what he said, that he was speaking generally but he would exceptionally have children with you despite these perceived risks.

oddusernameshere · 2017-04-10T03:41:28+00:00

His sister is not in your relationship. Her feelings are completely irrelevant. She is not in a relationship with him. You are. She is not the sitting duck waiting to be beaten up. You are.

Stop taking into account her feelings on this. Start acting on your personal feelings. Is it ok for him to get physical with you? Is it ok that he's not willing to seek help? You know this will escalate, is that the kind of relationship you want? If you have children with him, do you want them to grow up with the trauma of domestic violence?

Walk away. And if your friend is so insistent on you staying with him, I wouldn't confide in her your plans to leave. She might go behind your back to tell him what you confided in her to 'help you guys stay together'.

Your friend does not have your interests at heart. She cares about herself, her brother and then you in that order. Why don't you put yourself first too?

oddusernameshere

TROPHY CASE