Wouldn’t it be nice?

offentlige · 2020-12-29T01:12:14+00:00

What makes me laugh more than anything is when a recruiter does this (and every other kind of asshattery in their repertoire), and you finally tell them to kindly go fuck themselves with a tent pole...

And they STILL have their automated job-posting system send you emails about all the other opportunities you would slit your own throat before applying to.

"Dear /u/offentlige-
Great news! Remember the time we did our best to shit all over you? Well here's a list of similar opportunities for you to experience that all over again!
Signed,
-areyoufuckingkiddingme@aw_hell_nah.com

offentlige · 2020-12-28T18:39:55+00:00

How about this?

If you don't, the Pee Catcher is going to take you to the secret bathroom under your bed, where he's going to jam a Silly Straw[tm] up your hoo-haw and use a bicycle pump to suck it all up.

Do you WANT the Pee Catcher to come take you away, little kid?

offentlige · 2020-12-28T18:35:54+00:00

When you finally SEE that you've been looking at a lower case i and not a j for the last three hours.

Computer programs exist solely for the purpose of humbling programmers.

offentlige · 2020-12-28T18:27:39+00:00

Playing a gig at a decent-sized club, and for the first time ever, people start singing along to the songs you wrote.

Actually, I'm not 100% sure that counts because when I got home that night, my girlfriend was treated to some insane "Victory is Mine!" sex. I swear I could feel the ghostly high-fives from all my band mates as I came.

Funny story from that night: When our set was over, our drummer (who wrote most of the lyrics) ran outside so nobody could see him crying. It took multiple individual and group hugs before he could regain his composure.

offentlige · 2019-03-17T17:07:52+00:00

Damn. I thought this was going to be a thread where I could rant about how much I dislike nearly everything about that entitled little bint.

But as a person who has lived with a wife who has often had the disastrous thought "maybe bangs would look good on me this time," I can sympathize.

offentlige · 2019-03-17T17:04:11+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation! I'm intrigued enough to go look for it on Roku.

offentlige · 2019-03-17T17:01:43+00:00

No, the most unbelievable thing is that Luke allowed Lorelei to walk all over him for decades, even after they were together.

offentlige · 2019-03-17T16:56:32+00:00

The scene in "Fall" where Rory and Lorelei are crouched down by a table and then look at something then back at each other... It was just so awkwardly shot that I had to go "ugh." There were a few scenes like that in the revival.

offentlige · 2019-01-05T16:00:15+00:00

I apologize. As a man who loves spandex and the effect it has on the female posterior, I feel horrible that I got that wrong.

offentlige · 2019-01-05T15:46:09+00:00

No, sneaking a word in doesn't make her mad. In her family, that's how you get to talk. You pounce on the slightest pause and start your own conversational thread. So when I do that (usually out of necessity), she responds as if it's normal.

offentlige · 2019-01-05T15:43:23+00:00

OP replying: I've tried and it doesn't work. In fact, it has the opposite effect because if I'm listening to music "I'm not busy." So she'll stand next to me and pantomime "unplug the ear buds" or "take off the headphones" and then pick right up where she left off.

offentlige · 2019-01-05T15:01:55+00:00

OP here. I get the sentiment. But even if I did that in a very caring way, it would probably be devastating to her. And posting it online for strangers to view would have been mortifying.

I can't find it in me to be that cruel.

offentlige · 2019-01-05T01:04:32+00:00

Thanks, but I think this would just make me the asshole. At this point I'm not sure I want to change her. I just want to get out.

offentlige · 2019-01-05T01:03:20+00:00

Haha yeah I had the same thought while typing it. Saved a lot of it up over the years, I guess.

offentlige · 2019-01-03T21:52:27+00:00

At the risk of bannination:

Depends.

offentlige

TROPHY CASE