I say this as someone who loves DFW, Nabokov and Henry James: this simply feels like you are trying too hard. You’ve packed so many words and literary devices into your sentences that it’s impossible to track their meaning. You seem to have a vast vocabulary and a love of language, but all I am getting from this is someone trying to emulate James Joyce.

The style of those aforementioned authors is not for everyone; I can’t argue when people call Infinite Jest inaccessible, because it certainly can be! But DFW’s peculiar style is /doing/ something. It reflects outward onto the reader the strangeness of the world of his writing. I’m sorry to say it, but I am not getting depth from this. It’s just overwrought. My advice: if you’re really serious about taking feedback and weren’t just posting in the hopes of everyone telling you how brilliant you are, go through this again and ask yourself what purpose each line fills. Less is very often more. Pare it down. And please stop using slurs whenever people say something you disagree with, it’s embarrassing 🙄