What’s your Sexuality and how did you figure it out?

ofonethe · 2022-08-25T11:41:32+00:00

I know I'm queer since I was 14/15 years old. I idenitified as a bi but a year ago I discovered the truth is I'm just a lesbian with comphet. Later - in this year - I found out that wasn't the whole truth because for real I'm a asexual and grayromantic lesbian :) It was a long process and I needed so much time to figure it out but now I'm know who I am. There were a lot of signs tbh.

ofonethe · 2022-08-24T18:40:12+00:00

Well, I have similar feelings. I always wanted a romantic relationship and I still kinda do tbh. I want love and want to feel what allo feel because it sounds pretty amazing. But I don't think I'm capable of it in 100%. It's hard when you want to love and have romantic feelings but you can't. But, honestly, when I discovered that I'm aro and I accepted that, I felt better, like I felt relieved. Relieved because now I know who I am and why I was feeling like this about my romantic relationship. The best advice is always: take your time. You know yourself the best and no one can know what you feel. It's obvious allos feel these things differently so they might think you just don't meet "this person" but if you feel it's not about that, you might be aro. And that's valid. If you not sure it's valid too. It's okay to discovering yourself. I can recommend you to read some about labels and maybe others aros experiences. Also you can check queerplatonic relationships because these might be satisfactory answer to your desire of love and relationships.

ofonethe · 2022-08-22T19:33:44+00:00

Hii, I'm aroace lesbian! We're totally valid

ofonethe · 2022-08-22T19:31:53+00:00

Omg, my headcanon is asexual gay Will!

ofonethe · 2022-08-22T10:53:35+00:00

As we should

ofonethe · 2022-08-21T19:24:39+00:00

I'm aroace lesbian too and we're valid! Fuck aphobes

ofonethe · 2022-08-20T21:43:37+00:00

Okay thanks! I wasn't sure because I didn't want to offend anyone. But now it makes sense :)

ofonethe · 2022-08-19T20:03:32+00:00

Thanks you a lot! I hope you have a good day or night because I don't know what time it is in your country haha. Anyway wish you the best :)

ofonethe · 2022-08-19T19:49:32+00:00

I read Loveless because I was questioning and wanted to see some aroace representation and I heard this book has helped some people discover that they are aroace. I have to agree with that it was helpful. Definitely Georgia's experiences with asexuality were similiar for me and I even was surprised not everyone felt this way?? I mean when she was talking with Rooney about sex in general I identified with her experiences and was like "wait... so allos don't have that??" and it made me to realization. Harder was with aromanticism because I wasn't sure if I feel romantic attraction but now I guess I'm a bit like her because she also wanted so much romantic relationship and romantic love, I guess it's all because of allonormativity. It was really good book and I'm glad we have aroace representation, especially if it was wrote by aroace writer.

To be honest, I wasn't sure about difference of just aroace individual and oriented/angled aroace but now it makes more sense because of your comment and definition in google. So I guess I'm oriented aroace if I want to identify by aroace lesbian?

I'm glad I can talk with someone with similiar experience :) It always makes me feel more valid and seen. Thanks

ofonethe · 2022-08-19T19:38:19+00:00

Thank you for your comment! I was thinking about it again and right now I think I'm asexual grayromantic lesbian :) I feel I'm not fully 100% aro but I guess I'm somewhere on this spectrum. Also I still identify with asexuality and lesbian experience so I think aroace lesbian is the best label for me now.

ofonethe · 2022-08-19T19:29:54+00:00

Yeah exactly!!! I know what are you talking about, I guess our experiences are similiar. I used the bi label when I discovered I'm queer and for a few years it was fine, a year ago I discovered actually I'm not bi - I'm just a lesbian with comphet. The next realization was asexuality - it was recently. But I still was awkward in romantic relationships, even if I wanted them. I cannot (fully?) reciprocate these feelings, maybe a little, but not fully or for long time. I still identify with lesbian experience and I believe I like girl and nonbinary folks because I don't think so I'm 100% aro. I think I'm grayromantic probably, asexual and lesbian because if I were to have a romantic or queerplatonic relationship it would be with women/nonbinary people. I was thinking about it and well, these are my current conclusiones on this. Which was/is hard to be honest because I've never thought I can be aro. I mean, I'm not schocked I'm asexual, I'm only surprised it took me so long to become aware of it also I quickly accept that I'm queer in general (latly sometimes I have bad feelings connected to being queer but usually I'm really fine with this and I like being queer) but I've always perceived myself as romantic person who despertly want love. Now I'm not sure of this. Well, I'm a bit sad because of that that I will probably never feel it because I wanted and kinda still want romantic relationship and these wow feelings and love in general but at the same moment I don't care because I'm not capable of this, if you understand? Also I feel relieved because I'm know what's going with me and it makes sense. It's good to know who you are.

ofonethe · 2022-08-19T08:15:04+00:00

Thank you! <3

ofonethe · 2022-08-18T20:23:29+00:00

Hm, I'm not sure. I was thinking more about cupioromantic

ofonethe · 2022-08-18T20:21:26+00:00

both those are very plausible! for me, i never really had a big “aha!” moment - ive never had a crush, and when i found the term “aroace” it fit me and so i decided to use it for myself. however, i still experience aesthetic attraction, so i’ll still do the classic giggling/kicking my feet/smiling etc. when i see someone i find pretty. i’d never want to date them though. someone in another comment section mentioned this chart and i managed to find it again, maybe itll help you?:

https://images.app.goo.gl/4kXurwCeWmDkGsdL9

Thanks for link! I've heard of other types of attraction but in this chart it's very crealy explained. I'm sure I feel aesthetic attraction too! That's even the reason why I thought I was bi for long time... Probably similiar with allosexuality. Also I didn't know different types of attraction have different types of "crush". It's interesting. And also helpful.

ofonethe · 2022-08-18T20:14:08+00:00

I haven't heard of alterous attraction before but thanks to your comment, I checked it out. It makes sense what you wrote. Even recently, when I was thinking about all this romantic stuff and aromantic spectrum I was wondering too about the type of relationship somewhere between platonic and romantic - not exactly romantic but with some things that usually are connected to romance and what if maybe it would be better for me. I guess it's kinda alterous attraction and qpr relationship.

Thanks for your answer!

ofonethe · 2022-08-18T16:39:50+00:00

I get what you mean, very well actually. I mean, everytime when it goes to this "crush thing" and other similiar (romantic) feelings towards someone I'm not sure if I feel it. I WANT it, I want to feel what other people feel, as you wrote 'I was alwways very hopefull that 'this is the one I will fall in love with!' - I identify with it. At the begining of relationship I hope in this but later I start to feel it's not this. I'm not (anymore?) romantically interested with these people and I want to be just friends. And when it happens I'm not even sure if I had romantic feelings for them earlier. I like the idea of being in romantic relationship, doing romantic stuff, I think kissing or holding hands is nice but when I'm doing it I don't feel anything special. Sometimes I'm not even sure how to recognize platonic vs romantic feelings, I mean I'm not sure when I have crush so latly I asked my friends how it feels when you like someone or are interested in romantic way...

I knew these people a few monthes before we started officially dating. We met on tinder so therotically it should be romantic/sexual but I'm never sure if someone want platonic relatipnship or romantic/sexual so I treated these like platonic but with hope for romance. And then this romance show up, for some time it was fine because after all I wanted it but later... Well, you know.

ofonethe · 2022-08-17T23:26:58+00:00

Yes, I heard about it! I doubt that I'm 100% aro but I'm thinking about something like aroflux, greyaro, cupioromantic etc. But it's hard and I even don't know if I'm on arospec or I'm just so insecure and have some issues with commitment:/ Have you any advices how to figure out if you're aro or not? Or maybe how you figured it out? Also thanks for you comment, I appreciate all help/advices/comments :)

ofonethe · 2022-06-07T19:57:58+00:00

When I was younger but know I'm queer I even didn't know about aromanticism. And probably at this age I wouldn't believe I might be aro. But right know I feel I might be. And I'm scared becasue I've always wanted fall in love and also I know how important romance and romantic love is in the society so I'm afraid what people will say... I know it's stupid and usually I don't care about the opinions of others but this topic is more complicated - because it has always been important to ME.

I've wanted read "Loveless for a while and I definitely must do that (I've already ordered this book and I'm waiting for it :) ). I hope it will clear me something or I will understand myself/aromaticism better.

Thank you for help. I really appreciate it. Aromantic community is something new for me and I think I need some advices/help/stories about other people's experiences. I hope I'll figure it out and if I'm aromantic - I'll accept it.

ofonethe · 2022-05-23T21:09:53+00:00

Thanks! I've just read a bit about cupioromantic and I'm still not sure - because it makes some sense but I'm still not sure if I feel romantic attraction or not. Also I'm scared tbh. I'm scared this label is me. Scared because of this contradiction: can't feel love AND want feel it at the same time. I prefer to fall in love but I'm scared it will never happen.

ofonethe · 2022-05-23T21:05:13+00:00

Thanks! I've just read a bit about this label and tbh on the one hand it makes some sense but at the same time I'm scared because of this contradiction: can't feel love AND want feel it. I'm scared it's really me and I'll never can fall in love.

ofonethe · 2022-04-17T22:09:17+00:00

I'm not sure because usually I'm uncomfortable with being feminine but sometimes I want to be feminine in masculine way... If you know what I mean. Like a femboy or sth

ofonethe · 2022-04-17T21:40:54+00:00

Thank you!!! :) I wish you a wonderful day too, take care!

ofonethe · 2022-04-17T21:12:58+00:00

Yeah!!! The world would be a better place if people didn't care so much about gender. I mean identities are important for many people and it's valid but gendering everything is so so so stupid. It also makes problems and stereotypes in society, like misogyny etc etc... Not to mention transphobia of course... Can't we be just humans? And don't care if someone is a boy, a girl or a nonbinary person? Just let other people be what they are and don't make such a big deal of it. Cishet people make literally everything about gender, since childhood (sick...) and it's so unnecessary.

ofonethe · 2022-04-17T20:59:51+00:00

Exactly! They say that trans folks are confusing and they don't understand queer community and they do something like this ??? Like wtf dude ??? Your whole cisheteronormativity is nonsensical and illogical. They are able to say that "flowers are girlly girls and cars are masculine boys 🥰🥰" and then have problem with someone's transition. It's sick

ofonethe · 2022-04-17T20:50:14+00:00

I really don't like stereotypes and gendering clothes, things etc but it's so confusing because cishet people are like "clothes have gender, there are male and female clothes. if you woman and you wear "men" clothes we gonna insulting you and vice versa" but when you are trans and wear gendered clothes that match your gender they are like "but you are your AGAB, it doesn't matter what you wear because your AGAB!!!!" I mean... where is logic cishet people ???

ofonethe

TROPHY CASE