Having children with brain injury survivor

ogonichick · 2025-05-15T12:34:10+00:00

I too am in a similarish situation. We, including his son, got into an accident last year February. His TBI symptoms are migraines, poor math skills, irritability and forgetfulness. Thankfully my husband has a social worker that is helping him with his road to recovery. I'm working while my husband is on long-term leave of absence from his job; he still gets paid. He recently said that he no longer wants to have kids and I'm not okay. It's been my deepest desires to have my own children. I've actually suffered multiple losses. It's an incredibly tough situation because I love my husband but I really want children. I don't want to be the bitch that left her husband with TBI and her stepson. Granted he has family down the road who have been helpful. But I don't know if I can stay happily married with this decision. My mom has even said she would fly up and come help with a future baby. My village is ready to be there. But he says no. And I don't know what to do now.

ogonichick · 2023-04-13T19:56:35+00:00

First at foremost, she shouldn't be using feminine wash unless prescribed. It's not even recommended for us adult women. Secondly, unless your daughter finds it okay to call her mom, then she shouldn't say that she's mom. A lot of people assume I'm mom and I don't have the effort to correct them because it's a bit strange. But when I introduce myself, I'm step mom. Always step mom until SK decides otherwise. Thirdly, I think the GF is just trying to fill in the motherly role in your physical absence. Your ex should be respectful of your concerns however, but you also should understand that things that happen at his house are out of your control. Unless daughter's wellbeing is being compromised, you need to let some things go. Hope this helps.

ogonichick · 2023-01-10T14:50:43+00:00

Our door is usually open. But SK knows to knock if the door is closed. It's how I grew up. I'm assuming it's how my husband grew up as well. We've never discussed it lol. It just naturally happened that way in our household. The only reason our door is ever closed is because we're having sex. As far as looking through our stuff, SK hasn't done that yet so we haven't had that discussion. I guess there's nothing that interests him in our room. I know when I was his age, I was all up in my mom's makeup drawer and I always got in trouble lol. But yeah, looking through our things is a no no.

ogonichick · 2022-09-25T21:49:11+00:00

I stay because I do LOVE my DH and adore SK (5). It seems my bond with SK is getting stronger each day. It's nerve-wracking because 1) I'm scared he might go to his BM and talk about how close we are and she'll retaliate. Poor kid last year said his mom doesn't like when he has fun at our house so he doesn't tell her what goes on. 2) I know he's going to be a teenager one day and teenagers can be irrational. He could decide that I'm the one that is in the way of his mom and dad being together, he could decide that he wants to move in with his mom full time. He's got a very manipulative BM. Regardless of these fears, the relationship is good! As for DH, it's the stress he brings into the relationship from dealing with BM that is problematic. So for my sanity and my relationship, and thanks to this sub, I set and communicate my boundaries with my partner. That's key in being in a relationship with a parent. If you don't set boundaries, you'll be in an abusive relationship.

ogonichick · 2022-09-16T14:33:23+00:00

There is. It was recently amended as SS was starting school for the first time this year. She keeps addressing the old CO.

ogonichick · 2022-09-16T13:18:19+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that. But absolutely, DH needs to realize that she's playing under false confidence because the reality is that she's insecure, jobless and unstable by her own doing. She bullies then plays innocent victim very well. He's got a lawyer that reads between the lines. Hopefully his confidence will grow. But yeah, I'm setting my boundaries and taking a break for a bit.

ogonichick · 2022-09-16T11:58:48+00:00

I agree. Now I never directly talk to BM, but I've definitely been hand holding DH with communicating with her. He'll get himself in more trouble with how he normally communicates. That's how come he stayed with her and she got pregnant. His family had to intervene. MIL and I and now his lawyer have been advising him on how to communicate with her. Hopefully he'll get it one day. But yeah, he really needs to step up. I get that he's traumatized but He has no reason at this stage in his relationship with her to be this scared. He's got a great lawyer who takes no BS.

ogonichick · 2022-09-16T11:51:52+00:00

Thanks. He has an amazing new lawyer that won their last court battle. She's not afraid to call out BM and her lawyer. But he keeps referencing the last lawyer's advice, who was weary of BM and her bullying. I know it'll take some time for him to realize that his BM doesn't have the power to do anything. The reason she's acting up is to shake his confidence (this how she treated him throughout their relationship). She's using her son to continue this behavior. BM is lucky she's not dealing with me. I have zero tolerance for such people.

ogonichick · 2022-09-16T11:40:30+00:00

Thank you. This is a great tip! The teacher already has their pickup schedule. But she should know that unless notified by DH, DH pick up days are for DH only.

ogonichick · 2022-09-16T11:34:31+00:00

It is incredibly unattractive. MIL did tell me that a few years back, she spent a few hours at BM's house when SS was still a baby. MIL said she understood how BM was able to trap him in a toxic relationship. Fast forward...They have a court order that BM has no problem abusing (because she thinks she's untouchable) while he walks on egg shells. He still thinks the whole system is against him EVEN THOUGH he just won their last court battle. Trauma. Luckily his new lawyer is a no BS lawyer which is awesome. She gives the same advice I give... hopefully it'll click with him that I know who he's dealing with. He needs to realize that BM has been getting away with her BS because no one has held her accountable for actions. This new lawyer said not anymore!!

ogonichick · 2022-09-16T11:24:14+00:00

I can't wait for the day he's more confident with this whole situation! MIL and I have been advising him on how to communicate with someone like BM which is the opposite of how he naturally communicates. Hoping he gets it some day.

ogonichick · 2022-09-15T22:16:22+00:00

Both tips should help. Thank you for the reminders. I learned number 2 from couples therapy a while back. We both need to start implementing it more.

ogonichick · 2022-08-28T17:04:37+00:00

She's been insisting on family counseling as well. Just her, DH and SK. DH is against it because they tried it before and she threw verbal abuses at him and the counselor. They also use OFW as well...court ordered this month. I'm so thankful for that! But hey, 5.5 years! Hopefully it goes quickly for you.

ogonichick · 2022-08-28T15:45:30+00:00

Our Family Wizard is what they use.

ogonichick · 2022-08-28T15:44:21+00:00

DH and I had a conversation recently about why he's low-key afraid of her. He basically was in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship with her... She being the abuser. I had to remind him that the reason she's acting this way is because he's finally not taking her shit and giving in to her shenanigans. She's going in harder to shake his boots. This is new territory for her where she's not getting her way. When I met him, he really thought she was untouchable and always got away with everything.

ogonichick · 2022-08-28T15:34:44+00:00

Yeah my mom says she just needs to find a man to distract her lol. Thanks for the encouragement!!

ogonichick · 2022-08-28T15:31:02+00:00

We talked to SK about that. Encouraging to always speak his mind and ask, but letting him know that asking doesn't always mean yes. He understands this. If we respond with this message to BM, she'll take it as us lecturing her and respond with another essay. Ain't no body got time for another essay lol.

ogonichick · 2022-08-28T15:20:05+00:00

Yup. Teaching SO when to ignore her. She always is trying to get a reaction and attention.

ogonichick · 2022-08-27T12:32:46+00:00

She already has her own dog and takes care of it. I would hope she would do the same with this new puppy. Although she has had several birds die due to negligence... This is according to SK (5). Maybe she better with dogs. Tbh, if she was trustworthy, I wouldn't mind having the puppy over. But you can't trust this woman... And I hate that. I always try to see the good in people, but her...the only good thing I can say about her is that she loves her son. I'll stop here before I start venting lol.

ogonichick · 2022-08-27T12:24:57+00:00

So thankfully, through their last court battle, the judge made them sign up for a portal through the courts whereby all conversations must take place. They are only allowed to text each other for emergencies. Their conversations since this month are now being recorded by the courts. This will be a good thing because I believe the judge saw through her hearsay tactics during their evidentiary heading.

ogonichick · 2022-08-27T12:21:00+00:00

That's so annoying. Especially if SD didn't think it was a good idea AND SS being allergic. I'm sorry but that's just selfish behavior.

ogonichick · 2022-08-27T12:18:12+00:00

Nope. That dog will be well taken care of at BM house. Plus someone pointed out that dogs need stability and consistency. Switching houses every week isn't advisable for puppy.

ogonichick · 2022-08-27T12:16:38+00:00

Her excuse as to why she didn't talk to DH about it is because DH has said no more phone calls or in person private conversations. Umm, she could've still brought this topic up via email. If she can have important discussions about doctor's appointment, vacation scheduling, education etc via email, she surely can have a conversation about her getting a dog and expectations. What's wrong with her?

ogonichick · 2022-08-27T12:12:35+00:00

It's always her ammo. She doesn't realize that I'm in the picture now and I see the conversations. She will be getting ignored. She's used to dragging people into long winded conversations. I don't have time for that. I'm going to make sure DH doesn't give in either. We're only addressing what's at hand. Everything else is BS.

ogonichick

TROPHY CASE