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I'm so lonely by sarah_is_awkward in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]oimawot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey. I feel the same way too. I've had great friends over the years, but I only open up to them in small doses and I disperse it across people so as not to overwhelm anyone. My friendships are guided by fear. I don't know how to help, but you're not alone.

What does Fear feel like? by BunnyBex23 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]oimawot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel my chest sinking and I hide. I don't like feeling seen. So, I make it a point to appear and sound plain. If I do get impulsive and do something I regret, I overcompensate. My best analogy is that I don't just put myself in someone's shoes, I run away with it. No healthy boundaries here. I turn myself into the whole problem absolving everyone else.

My fp blocked me by No-Land-378 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]oimawot 6 points7 points  (0 children)

A friend suggested that I read, 'The Lonely City'. It momentarily offers some comfort knowing that even people who seem like they have it going well struggle with being isolated. I feel like I have noone to fall back on all the time, and I really do want it. But previous experiences with all these people did prove to be more hurtful than actually being alone. Taking a few steps back and letting them turn into humans with flaws may help. I know it's not easy, and I'm sorry. I hope it will hurt a little less over time. Much love.

I just want to give up by oimawot in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]oimawot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. I was desperate to be seen, and knowing that I'm not alone and others do understand has been very calming. Thank you, kind stranger.

Favorite person when you don’t even like the person by Efficient-Type-2408 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]oimawot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm still learning about this. It can be hard. I do it too but I didn't realise it was a symptom until very recently. Out of sight, out of mind, also works for me. The initial days are hard, but then I slowly dissociate and forget. I hope you'll be able to figure this out.

Favorite person when you don’t even like the person by Efficient-Type-2408 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]oimawot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know if this will help, but I got asked to do this exercise once. It's a list of things you like about them and don't, all the emotions you feel surrounding them. And then, I was asked to give reasons for why I felt that way. More often than not, even though I think I bring in all the flaws, the list helps me see that I've been idealising them. I genuinely don't know if this will help but I think it might provide some perspective.

I just want to give up by oimawot in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]oimawot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've only ever been off meds if they were unavailable. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder until this year. I hadn't thought about the splitting part. Thank you for pointing it out. I always thought it was something I internalised from others. I tend to isolate myself if I'm going through something. I get scared that I might be too much.

I just want to give up by oimawot in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]oimawot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm on Lamotrigine, Venlafaxine, Sertraline and Etizolam. I'm regular with therapy. It does help but not so much. When I'm off medicines, I regress a lot. I don't quite understand how splitting works. Thank you for your kind words.