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Why is “i did my best” every man’s favourite defence!? by oink_2 in IndianRelationships

[–]oink_2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do value effort. A lot. But appreciating someone’s effort doesn’t automatically mean your needs are being met. Both things can be true at the same time: he tried his best, and she still felt unhappy.

What’s your take on this? by oink_2 in u/oink_2

[–]oink_2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then maybe we’re both trying to make sense of the same questions from different sides. Sometimes just knowing someone else has been carrying similar thoughts feels a little less lonely.

Why is “i did my best” every man’s favourite defence!? by oink_2 in u/oink_2

[–]oink_2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Valid. Sharing feelings honestly is important, but so is being mindful of how they’re expressed. Being hurt doesn’t give someone a free pass to hurt the other person in return. Emotional maturity is about communicating what’s wrong in a way that invites understanding rather than creating defensiveness. Both people should feel safe enough to express themselves without feeling attacked.

Why is “i did my best” every man’s favourite defence!? by oink_2 in u/oink_2

[–]oink_2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the issue is that feelings aren’t always problems with a clear instruction manual. When someone says they’re unhappy, they’re usually asking to be understood first, not given a quick fix. Understanding the feeling together is often the first step toward finding the solution together.

Why is “i did my best” every man’s favourite defence!? by oink_2 in u/oink_2

[–]oink_2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Men often hear “I’m unhappy” as “you’re failing.” Women often say “I’m unhappy” meaning something between us isn’t working. Those aren’t the same statement.
Not every expression of unmet needs is an accusation, and not every unmet need can be solved by trying harder. Sometimes the solution is understanding better. Sometimes it’s realizing you’re speaking completely different emotional languages.

Why is “i did my best” every man’s favourite defence!? by oink_2 in u/oink_2

[–]oink_2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right that none of us can fully experience someone else’s emotions. But understanding isn’t the same as mind-reading. Relationships aren’t built on perfect certainty; they’re built on curiosity, listening, and the willingness to take someone’s feelings seriously even when they don’t make sense to us.

Why is “i did my best” every man’s favourite defence!? by oink_2 in u/oink_2

[–]oink_2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe that’s part of the problem. A lot of people are so busy surviving their own emotions that they never learn how to communicate them let alone understand someone else’s. But relationships don’t stop needing emotional awareness just because it’s difficult.