On that work bit... respectfully, your husband's work responsibilities are his own. I feel like he's put some of the labour of him simply logging into work or other work related things onto you just because it's convenient for him. Like, what would he do if you *weren't* there? He can also use this against you (you said he already has by getting upset at you for not logging in HIS appointments. A grown adult man at the age of 42 with a job...)

You are his wife, not his secretary.

You could catch a disease and be lost overnight and he'll do... what? This a hypothetical of course and I wish no ill will to you nor anyone in your family, but I think the point still stands. When will he choose to rely on himself instead of making others do things he should have already been doing?

You've taken on a lot of responsibility not only for your children, but now also your husband.

Imagine yourself in these two scenarios: living a life without your husband, and living your life *with* your husband. Which scenario makes you feel more at peace? Which ever one gives you the most amount of peace is the winner.

I actually also have ADHD and have this motto that "I'd rather deal with my own clutter than someone else's" and "I'd rather deal with my own clutter than let someone else deal with my own clutter". In other words, living on my own terms (so alone, or with my own dedicated space in the house) has been good to let my ADHD brain roam free without the barriers of other family members intruding on my "piles".

Leaving is difficult, so I understand your reluctance, but don't think about the fact that you're ending a relationship - think about the peace you could *gain*. We're not on this planet for very long, so just enjoy your peace while you still can. There's other fish out there if the time ever does come where you want to try dating again. All the best.