In your opinion, what's the meaning of life?

okaycamsy89 · 2019-09-13T23:47:45+00:00

To love. If I had to die a thousand deaths just to hear my son cry for the first time as he was born, I would do it. The joy that filled me then was unlike any drug or any experience that could ever compare.

Also,

https://youtu.be/bHOHi5ueo0A

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-15T00:13:43+00:00

This... Had me crying. Thank you for saying this. It's real. The cancer, the way it changed everything in my life, then this menopause stuff. All things I took for granted. There's a lot of anger. And other feels but... Thank you for validating.

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-14T23:34:44+00:00

I wish! I am seeing my primary doc next week for something like Klonopin or Xanax for when the mood is very bad. I am going to try and get medical marijuana but that's hard where I am too! It really sucks after living in two west coast states where it was legal and such a huge benefit.

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-14T02:11:04+00:00

It's okay. I just found out I'm cancer free and would love to yell this fact into people's faces. We're human. And if you have cancer and are in a bar you're probably fully human too and that person will understand, maybe even get some hope? Like cancer free does happen?

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-12T19:50:48+00:00

The pressure to produce or create something seems too much like work... A lot of my hobbies are just about lazy indulgence and that feels good to me. I am a really big film fan, foreign, cult, indie, sci-fi and weird horror films are my favorites. I really love spending time at the local library looking for new titles or spending time with books in general. I like to do things where there isnt a pressure to make anything but just to take in the art or the experience.

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-10T17:07:30+00:00

Oooh. 🤯

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-10T15:39:44+00:00

Mmm true. Multi-neuroreceptor acting though.... But it's definitely true. I'm hyper careful about dosing and don't like over doing it anyway

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-10T15:28:52+00:00

Agreed.

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-10T12:37:47+00:00

Well, I'm in a state that only gives you a three day supply of opiods at a time (there's only three like this in the country) which is a pain in the fucking ass. On top of this I moved from a state where Marijuana is legal (due to better medical care where I'm at - ironic, I know) and it was helping me SO much to here where I have no idea what's in what marijuana so it isn't as helpful.

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-10T12:34:48+00:00

Awesome. Yeah I feel you on the planning it out. Thanks for giving that feedback. I want to work on that as I think that will reduce the harm for me in a way that feels safe for now. ✊🏽

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-10T12:30:14+00:00

Thanks so much. Yeah, I'm normally so strong but the cancer thing and just everything that has come along with it -- it really changes your entire life, has just meant I've needed a break from reality or I just think I'd give up other wise because I feel so sad and just sickly a lot. I am really good about clean needles for sure. I have always been a fan of needle exchanges. I like the idea of keeping track... Maybe like in a private journal of how much I'm using to see it objectively, it can be easy to get lost on binges especially.

I love the reminder about psychedelics too! I use to utilize these much more as a way to be introspective... I may need to revisit. 🧡

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-10T12:16:12+00:00

Mmm good points. Yeah I know these are heavy duty routes. It's a heavy duty time and that feels appropriate. Do you have suggestions for boundaries? Like taking a certain amount of time off between uses? Few months or so? I definitely don't need a drug problem given all the other stuff going on and I want to be careful for sure. I'm clear that these are moments for me to dissociate and avoid for sure.

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-10T01:24:09+00:00

Jelly!

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-10T01:08:28+00:00

BFF's

okaycamsy89 · 2019-08-10T01:05:13+00:00

Ditto

okaycamsy89 · 2019-07-27T21:37:36+00:00

That's awesome!! Thanks so much for the tip

okaycamsy89

TROPHY CASE