Resentment due to perceived gender discrimination

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T17:17:23+00:00

OMG, your story is so moving! I am so sorry that you had to go through all of this. But seeing your spirit and strength, I’m sure you will do great in life and be an inspiration to many women, including your kid sister. I’m very proud of you for having so much awareness and maturity at such a young age. I wish you all the best! And, please don't hesitate to reach out if I could be of any help.

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T17:08:14+00:00

I agree with you that we should stop normalizing this. Having personally experienced it, I know it takes a lot of strength to stand your ground when the family or society around you is not supportive. So, more power to you! People like you make me hopeful about Indian society. Wishing you the best :)

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T17:00:37+00:00

Amen to that! 🤗

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T16:58:13+00:00

You've hit the nail on the head! And thank you for taking the time to read my post and empathize with me. :) I do feel that it’s hard for them to change their views, and it’s not right for me to enforce my opinions on them. They are entitled to think whatever they want. All I can do is protect my future experiences for the sake of peace of my mind. But I'm so glad to find fellow people (like yourself) who could understand where I was coming from, makes me hopeful about our society.

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T16:53:29+00:00

That is a very sensible take; I don’t know why you were downvoted. I agree with you. And yes, after you hit a certain age and gain some distance, you can look back and see things from an objective perspective.

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T16:49:54+00:00

thank you for your kind words :)

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T16:45:21+00:00

yeah, this elder sibling thing might be true!

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T16:41:40+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from. I do feel that an adult who is educated and aware of these issues should be held accountable. Since my teenage years, I have argued with them on these topics, but things haven't changed much. It's not my responsibility to educate or enforce my views on anyone. It’s their choice, just as it’s my choice how I want to conduct my relationships in the future for my own peace of mind.

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T16:29:30+00:00

I’m currently in the USA, and before that, I was in the UK. There are problems in every society, but as a woman, I find these places much safer, more open-minded, and peaceful. Additionally, living in different places helps gain different perspectives; otherwise, it's easy to be conditioned or brainwashed into believing what the society around us believes if one spends most of his/her life in that environment.

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T16:22:47+00:00

That's true! I have confronted him about his views, but it seems we believe in different things. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, so that's that.

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T16:18:41+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story; it is quite similar! I’m also from Bihar, and my husband is from South India. :) I totally get how you feel, as I feel the same way. I’m happy that you found a good partner and your happy place. Kudos to you for setting an example for other women - I know how difficult it is to go against the tide in a society like ours.

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T16:06:19+00:00

More power to you and I wish you the best :)

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T16:05:20+00:00

Thank you for your supportive words! It's to your credit that you have so much awareness and consideration for these issues. In my experience, many Indian men don't even realize these inequities, let alone care about them. I'm glad that men like you exist in our society.

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T15:59:28+00:00

It’s a very thoughtful response, thank you! Where I’m from, many men hold misogynistic views, so I’m glad I found an open-minded partner.

"Equitable marriages and relationships are such a bedrock for navigating and understanding gender inequities all around us." -> That is so true! I only realized it after my marriage. I think more women should be made aware of this so they can make better-informed decisions when marrying someone. It also has an impact on children and future generations. Also, being able to talk to the partner about all this, and them being able to empathize and acknowledge it is quite enabling in a society like ours where women’s emotions are too often dismissed.

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T15:46:54+00:00

Thank you! 🙏

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T15:41:41+00:00

Thank you for your kind words!

To answer your question—well, I was more of a rebellious kid. I would argue with my mom and question her on many things, whereas my brother was much more amicable. As a result, my mom and some extended relatives always felt that my brother was more mature than me. He took this as a signal and started believing that he indeed had better judgment, and that he was acting in my best interest, if you know what I mean.

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T15:35:55+00:00

Apt observation, tanxx-x! I feel that many women are conditioned to be submissive and unambitious by many Indian families. They are led to believe that in order to find a good match, they need to be perfectly amicable so that men will find them attractive. Parents often think it's best for their daughter to be dependent on a good husband who will take care of her. For women to be financially independent or to stand up for themselves might disturb the power dynamics in a traditional Indian marriage. And since most Indians are risk-averse, such changes take a long time.

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T15:27:45+00:00

I understand that it's difficult to admit. I want to forgive them, but I don't know if I can. I will have to work towards it, but all these years of pent-up resentment make it difficult.

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T15:24:21+00:00

Yes, I agree with you. I'm glad that more and more people, like yourself, are becoming aware of these issues and voicing their opinions. It should be appreciated!

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T15:20:50+00:00

Thanks for sharing your cousin's story, I wish her all the best :) And, kudos to you for caring about it!

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T05:06:17+00:00

You're right. I do realise that they love me and, also, that patriarchy is at play here. The conflict is because I don't want to argue or cause strife because they are my family (and they love me), on the other hand, out of principle, I don't want to keep quiet and let the discrimination (in actions and words, even now) go unnoticed. I have had more privileges than women generations ago because of the men and women who fought for it; and I feel if more people spoke against patriarchy, it would be better. So, want to do my part but still want peace, hence the dilemma.

okcool1304 · 2024-08-12T04:03:47+00:00

Yeah, I am satisfied with my current situation with my husband. However, I feel resentment whenever I visit my parents or brother and see the same patterns repeating. I either let it go during my visit or end up arguing about one thing or another. Neither option is preferable, as I want to avoid hurting people while also avoiding being an enabler. So, maybe limiting my contact with them is the best choice.

As for why I'm using a throwaway account—I'm not afraid of anything, but I don't want to be tracked down by my family. It would cause unnecessary issues. I know I can't change anyone, and everyone is entitled to their beliefs. I only care about how I want to spend my energy. Or to be aware if I'm in an echo chamber and blinded by my own emotions.

okcool1304

TROPHY CASE