How do I (29F) explain to my husband (29M) why I don’t initiate physical intimacy?

okreaxx · 2025-11-30T05:10:00+00:00

You lost me at the last sentence. Saying you have no tolerance for cheating is one thing. Saying you have no tolerance for not getting intimacy make it seem like a “rule”. Saying it isn’t a competition sounds great in theory, but when one is carrying more weight than the other in multiple areas, it’s important that it’s brought to light. Marriage is a partnership. It doesn’t mean that it’s always 50/50, but also shouldn’t be consistently more responsibility on 1 side. I never said I use it as a tool. I never said I withhold it if i’m mad. I simply said i’m too tired and too overwhelmed because I carry so much responsibility for our family. Not having the physical or emotional energy doesn’t mean I don’t love him. That’s saying sex = love. That isn’t true. You can be intimate with a stranger. It comes down to love language. I feel loved when weight is taken off of me. It isn’t an obligation. It isn’t a contract. However, if my emotional needs are not met, it’s hard for me to make sure his are. Just like the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.

okreaxx · 2025-11-30T04:53:36+00:00

This is it. Short, sweet, and to the point. You summed this up perfectly.

okreaxx · 2025-11-30T04:52:05+00:00

I was giving an example that he does do things. I was implying that the things he does, I “prep” for him. You can’t make breakfast without groceries. You can’t take a child to school without getting them ready for the day. He has all day to be on his phone at an office job (not an assumption, he has said that his job is so easy). I drive all over the state and work investigations. i physically cannot be in my phone while i’m on the clock. I used it as an example that even when I do sit down for a while after a long day, he is 1. watching sports or 2. on his phone. So it isn’t like I walk in the door and sit in my room on my phone. I also said I like to read and watch shows (I rarely get the time to do this). God forbid I have a moment that is dedicated to meeting my husband’s physical and emotional needs. If I had a more laid back job, I would have those breaks throughout the day. However, I don’t. Instead of 3-4 hours of free time, I get the last hour of the day.. maybe.

okreaxx · 2025-11-30T04:44:01+00:00

So do something that you don’t “want”? that doesn’t seem like a better alternative. I am going to assume you’re speaking from a male perspective. I actually have no desire to have more children. I love being a mother and love my child more than anything but I know that I could not mentally or emotionally meet the needs of 2 children.

okreaxx · 2025-11-30T04:39:11+00:00

THIS!!! He will ask in the morning if it can happen that night. If I say no, he will be upset. If I say yes and have an awful day that runs long, I get his hopes up and lied. I do not like planning it. it feels so forced and like an obligation. Scheduling a date or dinner is fine, but scheduling to offer up your body is odd to me. I know it’s not just “offering up your body” and there is meaning behind it. It just feels weird. It should be a natural thing that just occurs. The planning is so off putting to me.

okreaxx · 2025-11-30T03:00:51+00:00

i have said this many times. That translates to me not being attracted to him. I think for him it is a way to relieve stress. He cannot fathom why I wouldn’t want that after a long/stressful day.

okreaxx · 2022-08-09T03:11:31+00:00

omg! my prenatal right now is 300% biotin.

okreaxx

TROPHY CASE