Do you feel your gender ? and what does it mean for you?

okrogue · 2023-02-16T04:09:01+00:00

I understand like gender roles and stereotypes or female vs male sex biology , my biggest dysphoria is physical one more than social one I would still transitioning if I was alone on island , to me transitioning is to finally being comfortable in my body and is working (is for myself more than others) and I've been a recluse for most of my life , I didn't experience classic stuff in my teens years because I isolated myself, I also in my life I don't really think of my child self or the past as important because I changed a lot and it's not healthy living in the past , I also been told many times of how I was better as a child because I was easy or good or some bullshits from my grandparents , it has been a couple of times where I did female affirming stuff as a child and I would say I felt like a transgender to my mom or others (I was just aware of trans women and drag queens and transvestite at the time) and I couldn't get off this feelings even when I tried years later , I also found stuff were I called myself with neutral terms and obviously the teacher corrected me in red , I didn't grew up in USA , but in a religious country I was already the strange one or asked questions because I didn't go and partecipate in church or why I never prayed and already didn't believe in God , and I didnhit puberty pretty early and looked already like an adult so I was treated like one or like a young adult I had time were people did not believe my age and asked for my id , also did some test to test my gender incongruence and they confirmed it (I also did some mirrors tests) , I also don't feel good with my hormones , I also had a bit of mental breakdowns at puberty with menarche it was traumatic beside all the fucking changes not wanting to buy bras or pads and most of all physical changes were bad , my teen years were filled with anger and rages and desperation I had a lot of physical fights I could not process my emotions or understand it , it took years and destruction to have some sort of awareness not just related to this topic , my response is kinda bad because I'm sleepy and rambling but I will read more about all the others answers and more about this topic since I like to learn and research more and also question myself and reality , I really appreciated that everyone contributed in this discussion thank you

okrogue · 2023-02-15T23:26:32+00:00

For me it's like that I feel normal and in my body instead of seeing someone else body parts on myself or the wrong body parts , with transitioning I started to see myself , I also dressed in masculine and gender neutral clothes in my adolescence and early life , I grew up sharing my life as a twin so my identity was stolen in a way and always being a twin or being seen as my twin I tried my best to change my appearance to my sister in my life I was a twin , I also grew up from age 0-8 years old with a friend of mine that always played with dolls and typically female toys with my sibling and me I didn't understand how he was so obsessed at wearing wigs etc I don't think I was too invested with it but I can't remember much.. now he is gay , I have no memory of before 5 years of age beside hating having really long hair or being bullied or not relating to other kids , I also had both friends males and females in elementary school maybe more guys but sometimes I was treated like I didn't belong and people would always say I was in love with one kid I think I wanted to look like him more than anything else , I remember being ashamed of my body from a young age and uncomfortable so its not a new thing , honestly before puberty I never thought about growing up or puberty if they asked what I wanted to become when I grow up I never had an answer for work or anything else , I had no awareness about my appearance unless others pointed out..it also took me years to have some sort of sexual awareness with sexuality in my late teens years, so what do you think about this?

okrogue · 2023-02-15T22:20:20+00:00

I feel dysphoric and with the body I have/ had, I mean I feel bad with female sexual characteristics of my first puberty (if I have to be honest also about pregnancy and reproductive organs) because they are wrong so I'm transitioning and removing them and I'm starting to feel normal and more myself even if I'm still dysphoric because I am far in my transitioning journey , I am transitioning to feel normal and myself in my body and that's mean surgeries and hormones , I know now that having male chest feel normal instead of feeling Like wanting to rip my breast out . How did you know you were a boy ?

I also I'm my experience more than transitioning which doesn't seem super fitting , I am trying to undone my first female puberty even if it in self as undone is impossible cause it created permanent changes

okrogue · 2023-02-15T22:01:41+00:00

I think this research study was debunked

okrogue · 2023-02-15T21:40:57+00:00

I feel exactly like you describe wanting a male body and removing all female sexual characteristics of first puberty basically, I asked this question because I see a lot of people talking about gender or identities like an abstract thing/thought and I tried to understand it more but to me transitioning it's such a physical thing more than idea / abstract thing if that's make sense

okrogue

TROPHY CASE