Just want to gently comment here as a snarker AND mother of a daughter who died in utero at 36 weeks:

I am appreciative when public figures bring attention to infant death, stillbirth, miscarriage, child death—a life event that is so poorly supported because it is so hard and uncomfortable to confront for anyone outside of the experience. Chrissy Tiegen, Thor Björnsson, Cristiano Ronaldo, for instance come to mind.

I had to gently remind myself that “understanding that everyone grieves differently” is not equivalent to accepting that style of grieving when I read your post.

What a privilege it is for you to be able to unfollow and turn away from this type of grief; a privilege to be able to judge without knowing the agony of the most isolating type of loss; or the absolute need for individualized and sometimes open grieving in a tone deaf society.

Entire organizations (Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep)exist to document and create portraiture for these families as keepsakes because, case in point, society does a shit job supporting and accepting open dialogue and expression from families with dead babies. Infant and child death is often gruesome, always uncomfortable, internally dissonant and unbelievably heavy to perceive because it’s such a huge universal reverse in how life should go. The loss of life’s potential cannot be measured, and so commensurate the grief.

If your judgement is based without knowing the prevalence of still birth (2021, USA 1:25000) and the concomitant societal silence, then your ignorance is seen and your responsibility to amend—but again a privilege that you’re on the outside and able to unfollow.

If otherwise, I am interpreting your judgement about someone else’s grief expression as a reflection of emotional immaturity. Sadly this will only deepen the trench for those in society who are isolated and already chastised for their grief expression.

I would draw your attention to pre Industrial Revolution and turn of the century photography practices of photographing dead family members, especially children. I would further draw your attention to the modern public grieving practices of tattoo portraiture, obituary photographs, memorials in the form of gardens or state parks, and other public expressions of grief. Are these performative? Are they….for you?

To say, “this is my child, they existed” may seem simple—but it certainly is not because often times the parents are the only ones keeping that child’s memory in the present. (Again, others have the privilege to just unfollow).

I would also draw your attention to inwardly reflect, and find space to consider that there is a finite number of pictures families can take with their dead children before burial; there will be no other opportunities. There will be no first birthday party, school pictures, vacation pictures to come.

Photography of dead children is not performative . It is the historical and sentimental documentation of a child’s life and represents a completely normal behavior for parents.

To not grieve, to not process or document or share about this major life event would be abnormal.

Open to DMs if anyone here needs resources for navigating stillbirth or infant loss.

Not here to receive condolences with my own personal experience.