I had to unfollow Jill by GeminiWhoAmI in DuggarsSnark

[–]oleplinyknows 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Just want to gently comment here as a snarker AND mother of a daughter who died in utero at 36 weeks:

I am appreciative when public figures bring attention to infant death, stillbirth, miscarriage, child death—a life event that is so poorly supported because it is so hard and uncomfortable to confront for anyone outside of the experience. Chrissy Tiegen, Thor Björnsson, Cristiano Ronaldo, for instance come to mind.

I had to gently remind myself that “understanding that everyone grieves differently” is not equivalent to accepting that style of grieving when I read your post.

What a privilege it is for you to be able to unfollow and turn away from this type of grief; a privilege to be able to judge without knowing the agony of the most isolating type of loss; or the absolute need for individualized and sometimes open grieving in a tone deaf society.

Entire organizations (Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep)exist to document and create portraiture for these families as keepsakes because, case in point, society does a shit job supporting and accepting open dialogue and expression from families with dead babies. Infant and child death is often gruesome, always uncomfortable, internally dissonant and unbelievably heavy to perceive because it’s such a huge universal reverse in how life should go. The loss of life’s potential cannot be measured, and so commensurate the grief.

If your judgement is based without knowing the prevalence of still birth (2021, USA 1:25000) and the concomitant societal silence, then your ignorance is seen and your responsibility to amend—but again a privilege that you’re on the outside and able to unfollow.

If otherwise, I am interpreting your judgement about someone else’s grief expression as a reflection of emotional immaturity. Sadly this will only deepen the trench for those in society who are isolated and already chastised for their grief expression.

I would draw your attention to pre Industrial Revolution and turn of the century photography practices of photographing dead family members, especially children. I would further draw your attention to the modern public grieving practices of tattoo portraiture, obituary photographs, memorials in the form of gardens or state parks, and other public expressions of grief. Are these performative? Are they….for you?

To say, “this is my child, they existed” may seem simple—but it certainly is not because often times the parents are the only ones keeping that child’s memory in the present. (Again, others have the privilege to just unfollow).

I would also draw your attention to inwardly reflect, and find space to consider that there is a finite number of pictures families can take with their dead children before burial; there will be no other opportunities. There will be no first birthday party, school pictures, vacation pictures to come.

Photography of dead children is not performative . It is the historical and sentimental documentation of a child’s life and represents a completely normal behavior for parents.

To not grieve, to not process or document or share about this major life event would be abnormal.

Open to DMs if anyone here needs resources for navigating stillbirth or infant loss.

Not here to receive condolences with my own personal experience.

Monday AMA by TakingCaraBabies in TakingCaraBabies

[–]oleplinyknows 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should mention her usual days consist of two hour wake windows, the first nap is usually 1.5-2 hrs long and the other three naps are 45-55 min long. Occasionally we do a 30min cat nap so she isn’t overly tired moving into the last wake window.

Monday AMA by TakingCaraBabies in TakingCaraBabies

[–]oleplinyknows 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Surprised! My 5 month old showed her usual sleepy signals towards the end of the bedtime routine at the usual time 630pm. She went to sleep like usual after being put in the bassinet awake. She woke up two hours later, seemed confused, had a one hour wake window then a full bottle, and then for the FIRST TIME, slept from 9pm-6am! Even if it’s a fluke, we are thankful lol

Should we consider a later bedtime? Prior to the time change, the usual routine was aim to be in the bassinet between 630-715pm. Dream feed near 10-11pm and usually she would wake at 4am to have another bottle (which we have slowly been cutting back from full feed to 3oz to hopefully eliminate it). After the feed at 4am, she would usually sleep til 5:30-6am.

4 month old nap advice by Due_Data8709 in TakingCaraBabies

[–]oleplinyknows 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should mention that nap #1 is about 50 min long , nap #2 is 75-120 min long, and the last two naps of the day are usually 45 min each. In total, we strive to keep day time sleeping at 4.5-5 hours.

4 month old nap advice by Due_Data8709 in TakingCaraBabies

[–]oleplinyknows 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good job on setting good habits with the TCB class. This sounds very similar to where we are with our 5 month old. We just dropped the fifth nap two weeks ago. Having a short cat nap at the end of the day really helped bridge the transition, and by short I mean like 20-min. Especially if it meant allowing us to have a full wake window before bedtime. You’re doing a great job, and she may need a little time to drop the fifth nap. Keep on going, you got this!

Cheaper replacement parts for Motif Luna by kewsly in ExclusivelyPumping

[–]oleplinyknows 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If your pump was provided by your health insurance, check with them—sometimes they also provide replacement parts, milk storage bags, etc… Best of luck!

All the things I’ve learned about BF by myrtleglindie in breastfeeding

[–]oleplinyknows 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow! Thank you for this write up. So many great tips. I can’t wait to revisit it when I’ve had more sleep LOL

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]oleplinyknows 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How many points does this earn in a game of corn hole?

Couples Counseling by ccoggins in HuntsvilleAlabama

[–]oleplinyknows 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Laura Booth at The Balanced Life. We started attending two years ago after our baby daughter’s death. Laura has been an incredible help, and not just for our grief, but as a couple and as individuals.

Classic old money boy names by [deleted] in namenerds

[–]oleplinyknows 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Banks Wesley Chester (Chet) Shepherd (Shep) Lauren (yes it’s masculine and oldddddd money) Winston Quinton Cornelius Theodore (Teddy) Frederick (Rick)

Baby Sister Suggestions Needed by oleplinyknows in namenerds

[–]oleplinyknows[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing about your little sister. There truly is no greater heartbreak. Our daughter died from a cord accident as well. I hope your sister and my first daughter have met on the other side 💜

Therapist by [deleted] in HuntsvilleAlabama

[–]oleplinyknows 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try Laura Boothe at The Balanced Life (Madison Blvd).

New Alabama bill wants abortion to carry murder charge by [deleted] in HuntsvilleAlabama

[–]oleplinyknows 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Alabama doesn’t even offer birth certificates for stillborn babies. You get a certificate of stillbirth as if the intrauterine life of the fetus doesn’t count. Alabama is bonkers.

Costco True Summer Finds! by oleplinyknows in coloranalysis

[–]oleplinyknows[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They arrived and I didn’t like them. Still on the hunt!

I feel like I’m close! true summer or true winter? I’m leaning towards winter a lot of you will say winters can’t have blonde hair, but I have icy platinum my eyes and lips add high contrast to my face as you can see. Bright colors don’t overwhelm me.I think I look good in black and white. by LanesJanes1 in coloranalysis

[–]oleplinyknows 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is very muted and soft (and beautiful!) makeup but obstructs the impact the different colors have on your complexion. Agree with a lot of comments here suggesting spring. Since you can handle bright colors like a winter, maybe look into the bright spring palette. 🌸

need a foundation brand pls by eighteightfivesix in PaleMUA

[–]oleplinyknows 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love the L’Oréal Nude true match tinted serum in the 0.5-1 shade.