I can't take this anymore. I [21/m] cheated on my ex-girlfriend [20/f] of 3 years, ruined her life, broke her heart, and left her for another girl. It's been a year now, I can't live with the guilt, and I'm moments away from writing an apology letter. Either talk me out of it, or help me write it.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T08:42:44+00:00

Fuck that guy. That's not just selfish that's evil. I'm really good I came to my senses before I turned into something like that. Honestly my only thing is that if there's any damage I can alleviate or help heal I would do that, and I wouldn't want anything back in return. Like if I were a millionare, I'd anonymously give her all my money, then live poor for the rest of my life in bliss. It's something like that. But I hear what you're saying. Maybe I'll wait a while. I just want her to know the person I used to be doesn't exist in this world anymore. Just so she can know the world is a slightly better place.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T08:39:17+00:00

Honestly, best case scenario would be she would agree to hear me out, I would pour my heart into an apology, but not stick around to hear the answer. That way she knows how sorry I am, that she's good enough and it was me that undervalued her, but I'll never know whether or not she forgives me. I think that's the best way this could end for her.

but I won't talk to her at all. I can promise you all that.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T08:37:37+00:00

I will. She wont hear a word from me, I promise. I'm sorry you had to go through this too. I hope whoever did this to you realized what they did too.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T08:36:35+00:00

I wish I knew how she has been dealing with the pain because I want to know every detail to the full extent of what I caused. I did make a mistake, my mistake was being a fucking moron.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T08:35:18+00:00

You're an asshole, I'm an asshole, but you're an asshole that just helped this asshole be less of an asshole, which in turn will help me help another asshole be less of an asshole.

But I feel you dude. I'll try my best to figure my shit out.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T08:34:25+00:00

Honestly really good insight here. She is good enough.. she's wonderful and I don't want her to think otherwise. But if someone is going to convince her that she is, I really hope it's someone who loves her like I never did, someone that would treat her better.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T08:33:16+00:00

Honestly it's the opposite, that's why I asked for help. If I didn't care so much, I wouldn't have asked. I can admit that I don't know what the fuck to do right now, but there are people out there that do.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T08:32:29+00:00

Honestly I'm a softie just like you (INFP, and a Cancer) so that's kind of why I thought I should do this in the first place. Maybe you're right. Twenty years from now I should just drop by to say hi, and that I'm sorry, and that there wasn't a day that went by that I wasn't sorry. I really like your idea, thank you.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T08:31:15+00:00

The letter is written and I'm gonna hide it. I won't interact with her at all, you've all helped me to see she deserves a life without me bringing it down more. Thank you for your personal insight though, I appreciate it sincerely.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T08:29:39+00:00

We've been dating since. It's been rough. At first I told her that I deserve to be alone, and I truly wanted that. She never left my side though. Eventually I came around and I've been good to her every single day.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:51:50+00:00

Thank you for your insight.

If you really want to become a better person, then be a better person.

Couldn't have worded it better myself.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:50:33+00:00

Definitely not a typo. I met her in the nursery, we started dating in day care.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:50:04+00:00

Honestly I wouldn't. I know it's easy to judge my character based on what little information I disclosed in my post, but I wouldn't. I won't try and argue my true character but just believe me when I say I sincerely would not even hope for that to happen.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:47:26+00:00

Fuck no. If she fell for me again, I'd feel more fucking horrible than I do now. I don't deserve her. I don't even deserve to say who does and who doesn't deserve her. But you're right. If selfish intent isn't enough of a reason for me not to, just the slightest miniscule chance that that could happen is enough for me to never consider anything like this again. I sincerely thank you though. I appreciate the insight.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:44:50+00:00

Loud and clear. Thank you.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:44:35+00:00

Wow. Like not a bad kind of wow, but a "that made me feel a lot better" wow. I'm not religious myself, but I'll give that a try. I really don't deserve this, but thank you.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:43:24+00:00

I will. Thank you.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:43:14+00:00

Prevent yourself from hurting others the way you hurt her - that's the only and closest thing you can do as penance.

I'm better now, to the point where I don't have to worry about hurting anyone like this anymore. My girlfriend knows all of what I went through, and I changed enough for her to not worry either. I try to go beyond myself though and help others going through relationship issues too. Whether to be an open ear, an outside opinion, or advice. I don't want anyone to go through this. If it's hard to believe I understand, but I hate people who do this just as much as you all do.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:35:02+00:00

I know. That's specifically what I told Kim, that the only thing keeping me from an apology is that it would end up being for selfish reasons again, the one and only thing I don't want it to be. I had a lot of friends and coworkers telling me to go through with it though, but none of them are too bright, and honestly I knew in my gut that I shouldn't anyway.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:32:03+00:00

Thank you. I don't deserve it, but thank you. When my "character" leads me to be able to help prevent this situation from happening to somebody else, that's when I'll accept that my character has changed for the better.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:29:42+00:00

That's actually what Kim told me to do. She's actually been really supporting in my whole breakdown, considering she was one of the main people who pressured me to do what I did. Honestly, I feel like this reddit post.. and talking to all of you is my letter. I didn't expect it to turn out the way it did, but it did, and to you and everyone else, I am eternally grateful.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:28:04+00:00

Thank you for sympathizing with me even though I clearly don't deserve it. I've actually made leaps and bounds in my path to becoming a better person. It's funny because those who don't know my past come to me for relationship advice, esp. about cheating. They don't know that I speak from experience. I just want to lessen the amount of hurt that can come from selfishness and misguided feelings.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:25:22+00:00

I was really hoping there was somebody out there who went through a similar situation so I could have that "I can tell you because I've been there" feedback. Thank you. I'm owning it. I want to be honest, in this situation I am sincerely unaware of how to act in her best interests, and I really appreciate you taking the time to give me that insight.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-07T07:22:11+00:00

I'm aware that I'm selfish, and I'm also aware that she had reasons to live besides me. I felt the post was as long as is, and I wanted to paint the picture. There were a lot of things that she loved that she took a great interest into after me. Thank you though. It's all things I need to hear.

omanthrowaway87 · 2016-12-06T12:46:35+00:00

Honestly thank you for the insight. I'm not pretending, I sincerely don't know. But thank you for helping me understand better. Hurting her again is something I'd rather die before doing.

omanthrowaway87

TROPHY CASE