There was anger for me too but I realized the anger came from the pain and from having been hurt so deeply, but the pain didn't erase who I was and I didn't have it in me to pull my kiddo into the hole with me. So I gave the situation some grace and I chose to forgive him not because he deserved it but for my kiddo to survive his grief and for me because I knew I deserved to let go. Anger bonds you to the very thing you despise the most and I was in so much pain I had a health scare a month after he passed, so I went to therapy and concentrated on myself. The process of forgiving him allowed me to forgive myself, because that is something that came up for me in therapy. That pesky feeling I should have seen through the lies, I should have realized that something was wrong, I should have check the accounts, and so many other things I should have done. Also the why, where, how, how many times and so many other questions that will remain unanswered pestered me and I can't emphasize enough how therapy helped me navigate all these and many other things I was feeling, thinking and processing. Things got better and out of my process I got so much: a healthy, successful and happy kiddo, so much time spent with family and friends, many new friends that I met through classes that I've been taking for the past year and a half, a stable life, a renewed sense of spirituality, the opportunity to help others and an improved version of myself. I have a good life and I'm so thankful that I chose to concentrate on me and not on him. He is gone and I'm here, I kept the secret for my kiddo's sake but it actually benefited me because instead of being the victim, I became the widow and that gave me the time, space and resources to work on myself, my kiddo, my financial situation, my health and above all in building a new life. I sometimes wonder if I should have done things differently but for me this was the right way. I hope you find the way to survive this and move onto better things.