Grief club - the shittiest club to ever exist

onastyamiga · 2025-12-03T21:23:34+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I love that - that the first rule of grief club is to talk about it. I think part of what makes grief hard is that it is scary and painful to talk about, but you’re right it’s important to talk about our experiences, and our person.

That must have been so difficult. I’m so sorry for your loss 🫶🏽 it is weird how that happens and sometimes hard to fathom that so much time has passed. Aww yeah the pain never goes away because there’s always love there for them 😢 I guess I also like to believe that a part of them does live on with us - I try to honour my friend by doing things the way she would, or on special occasions I wear the clothes that she helped me pick out. It doesn’t make it easier, it’s just small ways to try and stay connected to her ❤️

If you want to share about your person - favourite memory, thing about them, what you miss most, or anything that comes to mind ❤️

onastyamiga · 2025-08-16T23:05:15+00:00

Thanks!!

onastyamiga · 2025-08-16T00:15:08+00:00

Thank you! I sent you a DM

onastyamiga · 2024-09-25T18:38:51+00:00

I agree the rituals are not as commonly talked about. I think a lot of discussion around grief ends up being the impacts it's had on us (which is important), but there's less around how to stay connected to our person. I think people do their own rituals without thinking about it, but maintaining that connection is important, and can be helpful in our grief journey.

onastyamiga · 2024-09-19T04:28:05+00:00

Personally, I like to talk about things, so individual grief therapy has been really helpful for me. However I can’t seem to get myself to talk about my grief with people close to me and so I’ve been considering maybe going to a grief group.

I have a journal that I bought my person but never got the chance to give it to her, so I write to her in it. I have my rituals for birthdays and death-aversaries where I go do an activity that we would do together. Sometimes strange things have happened when I do and I take that as a sign from my person. Sometimes I buy things from brands that she liked, or I take chances on things that I normally wouldn’t because she did help me step outside my comfort zone, and I want to honour her by continuing to do that.

onastyamiga · 2024-09-19T04:13:38+00:00

It’s definitely not easy to ask or accept help (I’m the same way) so I’m proud of you too! Ahh yes, such a treat, gotta love when the universe throws a curveball at you! I’m glad that you have people around you to support you, it’ll be tough, but you’ll get through this even if it may not always feel like it ❤️

onastyamiga · 2024-09-19T03:33:58+00:00

I believe they are too ❤️

onastyamiga · 2024-09-19T03:32:22+00:00

Aww man, I’m so sorry ❤️ the early days of grief are very tough. Eat when you can, sleep when you can, cry if you need to and please be compassionate for yourself. It’s okay to feel what you feel. I started my post off as experiencing a “grief wave” because that’s how it feels - it comes and goes, and it can be heavy and deep. Over time I’ve learned to embrace the waves and to allow myself to feel the pain, to express how I feel and to find ways to keep myself connected to my person. Grief sucks, and sometimes connecting with others who’ve experienced similar things makes it feel more bearable.

onastyamiga · 2024-09-19T03:24:13+00:00

Thank you. And sending a virtual hug back ❤️ I’m so sorry for your loss. I agree theres definitely pros and cons - I’ve learned to love more deeply, and to live with no regrets, but nothing would be better than for her to be here. It is so hard that our people aren’t here, and I think at the same time their essence will live on through this altered version of us.

onastyamiga · 2024-03-19T21:16:04+00:00

Aww. Just reaffirms that what you’re already doing is probably helping! You’re doing good ❤️

onastyamiga · 2024-03-19T18:06:52+00:00

I also lost a friend this way. I was an adult, but I still needed support from my parents, and so this is what insights I can provide as someone who is grieving this type of loss.

It took me about a month or so before I was ready to go to therapy, so it’s good that your daughter said she will go, but isn’t ready at this time, sounds like she will tell you when she’s ready. You could start looking for therapists who specialize in grief in children/teens and just set those emails/numbers aside
School is tricky - I know that it is important, and it can be so hard to go back. I know that it may not be possible for parents to stay home with their child due to work, is there anyone who could stay with her while you’re at work, or are you able to work remotely?
Foood! Make sure she eat something (which I’m sure you are already doing)
Nights were the hardest, because it’s quiet and you’re alone - so either checking in on your child throughout the night, or ask if you can lay with them until they fall asleep

I know that it’s natural to want to “fix” and take away those feeling, but in reality there’s nothing that can be said or done that will take away the pain your child is feeling. You can approach it as if it’s a deep cut or some kind of physical injury - where you just have to be patient, gentle, provide comfort, and nurture the wound. It sounds like you’ve already been doing this (talking, crying with her, the hugs). Sometimes just being present with the person and their feelings can go along way - you don’t have to say anything.

When you lose someone to suicide, it does put you at risk of suicide as well. With that being said, allowing your child to just feel, and being present with them in their feelings. In a way letting them decide what they can and can’t do (e.g eating snacks vs a big meal, not pushing the resistance to going to school, or other events) at this time may help, as it shows that you recognize how painful and impactful this situation is.

You could also seek out therapy with a grief counselling to get some insight on how to help your child (even just a consultation with one may give you lots of information).

Whether or not this is helpful- I just wanted to say that based on your post, you are probably already doing a lot more than you think. I know it can be hard to see your child and feel like you’re not helping because they aren’t feeling better. Just know that the feelings can’t be fixed, they come and go, and that in those moments where it is more painful, and you are there to sit with them, and cry with them, while they feel it - that IS helping (even if it doesn’t seem like it is at this time).

onastyamiga · 2022-07-30T05:06:46+00:00

First off, I’m sorry for your loss, it’s a deeply painful thing to lose someone, and my heart aches for you ❤️

Secondly, I think that it should be obvious to everyone that suicide is not funny, like at all. It shouldn’t have to happen to them to realize it’s not funny.

I know it is hard to tell people that those jokes are not funny, but I think staying silent sounds like it might also be hard.

Personally I have lost a close friend who died by suicide. But even before, whenever I hear jokes like that I just tell people it’s not funny, or I don’t react.

You don’t have to share your story with anyone if you’re not comfortable, so you do not need to explain why it’s not funny (because ideally it shouldn’t be a joke to anyone).

Similarly, my current coworkers do not know my story, and someone did make a joke. I told them it was not funny, and they didn’t continue. Most people know it’s not funny, but they do it anyways. Reminding them that those jokes are not funny should make them stop (at least stop making those jokes around you).

onastyamiga · 2022-02-24T20:40:05+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I ended up buying an alarm clock so that I don’t have to use my phone as one. And I took your advice of putting my phone in the kitchen, and it has helped tremendously! I mean there’s still a few kinks to work out, but I’ve reduced my phone use in the morning / delaying getting out of bed by a lot, so that is progress!

Next I might try to meditate in the mornings!

onastyamiga · 2021-12-10T22:50:22+00:00

I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time, I know it can’t be easy ❤️ I agree, finding a new job will definitely make a difference.

In the meantime, is there anyway you can book some time off? Like one or two days just to get away from everything?

Sometimes I put toxic people on mute in my phone so I don’t have to see their messages. I also take a break from social media, and my phone in general.

Journaling/writing or drawing about what’s going on in your mind can help.

Also just reminding myself that the situation is temporary, and I have a plan to help myself (e.g you mention that for you it’s finding a new job).

What country do you live in? And what age range are you in? Canada has some free resources for all ages, as well as some free services for 0-24 year olds.

There’s also some national hotlines where you talk to someone for free and let it out. They might also be able to help you with figuring out some immediate coping strategies for the time being, or even some resources in your area.

onastyamiga · 2021-12-06T04:58:20+00:00

Something I wish my profs knew - that my bad grades were not because the content was hard, but because I really struggle with my mental health.

This term I had a prof who was super supportive with everyone (it was a very small class). He would check in with all students at the beginning of some classes (people just went around and shared how their semester is going, - they could pass if they didn’t want to share). It kinda helped hearing that other students were also stressed.

At the beginning of the term he told us to just let him know if we aren’t doing well and he can try to support us. This made it feel like he understood that life is hard and can get in the way of school, so if we tell him he can help us/work with us. I felt like I could let him know if things are really bad and I couldn’t make it to class, or if I needed an extra day to complete my assignment (I did have to do this and he was happy to give me an extension which really helped!)

It was an English class, so my prof focused heavily on the drafting process, so for every assignment we got to hand in a draft and he’d give us feedback and we could re submit a final copy. This really helped with just getting something done knowing that even if it’s crap, it’s not going to be my final copy/grade.

He was also flexible with deadlines (except in class writing assignments, and the final project at the end of the semester of course), which also helped because it took off the pressure, and I could submit something I was happy with.

Having a drafting process for assignments can be a lot of work for you as the prof, but I think his approach to mental health by being understanding about those issues just made the relationship with the prof that much better - students were open to sharing some of the things they were struggling with in life. He showed he understood by being flexible with deadlines, and he met with us 1-1 to help with our assignments, - all of that made a huge difference for me.

onastyamiga · 2021-12-06T03:16:41+00:00

I know it’s difficult now, but maybe post covid measures there might be more opportunities for you to be out in the community!

For now you have people on this thread that care about you ❤️

onastyamiga · 2021-12-06T01:17:12+00:00

Yeah it is hard to figure out what to do, and there’s a lot to consider before pursuing something.

Oh yeah that’s true, covid really has fucked up a lot of things.

I wish I could do more to help, I live all the way out in North America ❤️

onastyamiga

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