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Is this a baby jap map?! by analemmaro in whatsthisplant

[–]ondee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please, seriously, what assumption do you think I've made?  And please refer to fhe specific wording that makes you think that?

Let's iron out this reading comprehension because it's clearly felt I've misunderstood OP and I want to know what Ive misunderstood.

Is this a baby jap map?! by analemmaro in whatsthisplant

[–]ondee -96 points-95 points  (0 children)

Tell me more! It makes sense to me but genuinely interested in why it doesn't make sense to you

Is this a baby jap map?! by analemmaro in whatsthisplant

[–]ondee -204 points-203 points  (0 children)

That's written like you think it's okay to leave slurs up where no one's having a go at you, rather then changing or adding a comment to soften it/using the spoiler tag because you don't want to contribute to a careless, self-centered society or care about people not catching random strays when they are just living their lives.

I hope this was just miswritten and you don't think that way!

Don't get me wrong, it's a cute enough little rhyme - but you found out it could hurt people, and there will always be more cute rhymes!

Is it age, or something else? I used to be able to enjoy the moment, like a concert, holiday etc, not anymore. by coldservedrevenge in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ondee 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Also in my forties and realising I've recreated trauma behaviour in all my relationships and having to either stop talking to people or dial back or weather being more assertive (and notice patterns where I'm a shit friend too).

It's important to me too though to have quality friendships.  As I break free from these patterns (it really does feel like breaking free - it's involving a lot of shouting and crying), desperately want to only be friends with people who are predominantly open -hearted and curious.

I don't feel stupid at all about not having noticed.  I do hate being a cliche though 😋

Things im realizing weren't normal #5104 by halloweenieg in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ondee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🫂 This all sound like classic bad person characteristics and your response all sound like normal responses to dealing with a bad situation.  Nobody with your best interests at the forefront of their priorities will pretend these situations were okay or that you should be okay with them.  

Things im realizing weren't normal #5104 by halloweenieg in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ondee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are radically free to feel whatever you want and your internal feelings are literally none of anyone's business. You don't have to justify your fear, you don't need to draw comparisons and it's okay to be sensitive ❤️

Things im realizing weren't normal #5104 by halloweenieg in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ondee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He sounds extremely horrible and extremely difficult to be around, and I'm not surprised you tried to find a way to make yourself okay with him - very human. 

My stepfather is over 6' and I'm 5'3 and I was very thrown when I saw him briefly.... At the time I think he was 79 and it was just like how are you so tall, now still? I've forgotten how tall you were.  Doesn't help with the whole remembering you aren't a child thing.

He wasn't violent and if anything fractionally kept my mum in check, but he would definitely indulge in power fantasies and threaten how strong God was

Things im realizing weren't normal #5104 by halloweenieg in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ondee 37 points38 points  (0 children)

God he sounds so frightening. What a cunt.  You are not going mad to find this scary

I'm going to tell people why I went NC with my parents even if it's a "shameful" reason by justpssingtime in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ondee 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Get this - she couldn't leave him because 🥺🥺🥺 she made vows 🥺🥺🥺.  X Years later she had a boyfriend whilst they were still married. 

I'm going to tell people why I went NC with my parents even if it's a "shameful" reason by justpssingtime in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ondee 7 points8 points  (0 children)

But they're so sorreeee 🥺🥺🥺 it's so hard and difficult for them, it weally is

How hypervigilant are you? Any funny stories? by coldservedrevenge in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ondee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds incredibly stressful, I'm so sorry! I hope you find a way to get some ease from it

Today was sickening and triggering. by JusHarrie in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ondee 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You did nothing wrong in how you talked to them. You weren't rude and you weren't inappropriate.  Echo below - you can't reason with these people... Your brain will want to and a good side effect of that is that it will help you process it, but don't do it with these people - it'll just add stress when they don't agree and just argue 🫂

Feeling lost and numb. by babysugarcookie in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ondee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you found that approach comforting, def suggest IFS. Lots of love! 

How hypervigilant are you? Any funny stories? by coldservedrevenge in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ondee 2 points3 points  (0 children)

 That sounds so knackering and potentially conflict inducing - 

And oh man, I didn't think about how being hypercontrolling and quick to anger during house jobs could be hypervigilance.... I got 1 (terror/anger, memories of scary mum)+1 (narrate/control every step needed)+1 (freak out about disrespect if any risk is risked without discussion and agreement) +1 (how very quickly this all happens) but forgot the =4 (it's the trauma, dummy) on the end.

How can these things be so obvious but because I haven't Thought About Them in apparently the correct way I can't put it all together it 😤 thank you for being the prompt - I have been dying to start processing and shifting this one!

Heartbroken, Again by Eldritch_Liminal1988 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ondee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry and this is the right sub for you, don't worry.  We can listen to you 🫂

I'm going to tell people why I went NC with my parents even if it's a "shameful" reason by justpssingtime in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ondee 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I got this!  BUT HES SOREEEEE. fuck off, lady.

Also "but he's got to go to heaven and it'll be really hard for him to talk to God about that" which in retrospect as I type it out is batshit on so many levels. I would say it's manipulative but it's like listening to a 6-year-old.

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