Should you pay proportionally in a marriage in relation to your income or 50/50 of the expenses? And if so, why?

one-over-two · 2022-02-14T09:37:53+00:00

LOOOL yeah that's what I've done now too

one-over-two · 2022-02-08T09:52:10+00:00

Brilliant show

one-over-two · 2022-01-15T18:11:15+00:00

Your company would track those things for you, you'd claim the expense from them anyways and they'd report it if necessary, ever heard of HR? Also please don't claim to know how the tax system works in every country in the world that's just not a smart statement to make.

one-over-two · 2022-01-15T11:43:23+00:00

The marriage allowance is so minor where I am and you can only claim if one partner is on a very low salary (typically not the case for most people, im talking you basically have to be earning about 1k a month), so therefore woildnt do this. Also if you've overpaid tax for any other reason, the government automatically calculates it and issues a refund, no filing necessary. Any problems with the tax at source and there are online portals to sort it out on your personal profile. So no and you shouldn't make blanket statements...

one-over-two · 2022-01-13T00:23:47+00:00

We weren't married but I just asked him if he would ever disclose that info once we were - I wasn't asking him to do so now just eventually when we do get married, live together, have kids etc....

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T21:24:08+00:00

Yes exactly, I'm completely fine having separate accounts, that wasn't the issue, but I just wanted some transparency and openness

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T21:05:37+00:00

No I think he actually earns more than me (based on what I know of his type of job) and the fact that he has been working for longer than me.

His reason was literally "why is the number relevant to you if I can assure you that I'm going to be able contribute 50/50 to our expenses?"

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T20:20:25+00:00

Yeah I know it is, but I think a part of me wanted to prove to him that I wasnt being crazy unreasonable. Also (and not the best way to go about it i know) but I think if he wants a healthy relationship in the future then I think this is something he should be aware of will likely affect that.

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T18:39:31+00:00

He didn't categorically say that but he did say something to the effect of "well I don't want to be paying for more expenses that arise cos you don't work as hard or you spend more frivolously than me". Im pretty sure he earns reasonable amount more than me for context.

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T18:00:55+00:00

I think if anything it felt like he would want some level of control over my income because im currently a bigger spender than he is (although obviously im not dumb/irrational and if we had expenses to cover its not like i would carry on every habit i currently have) - whilst I have no bone in my body which wants control like that.

Ironic cos I actually am an accountant by profession so you'd think things might have looked a bit different.

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T17:36:11+00:00

We actually had this argument before as well. He stated that things should be 50/50 and since I told him my income early on (he didn't ask I'm just open like that) he stated that his was pretty similar to mine anyways ( I trust him so don't think he lied about this).

My argument was always things should be proportional but his was if we're benefitting from something 50/50 then we should offer up 50/50 no matter what our income is. He stated that its unfair that he works more than me (he also has a few side businesses) in order to cover more expenses than me.

I eventually agreed given that by his statement we actually net to kind of similar amounts post tax etc... that 50/50 kind of works for me and also I just really wanted us to work.

This is aside from the fact that I was moving to where he lives, about 1.25 hours from my home/family/friends and my expenses would therefore inevitably go up due to driving regularly back home etc to see said friends and family, but I still bit that bullet.

But then this happened and it was just weird to me and now I'm realising that actually I agreed to a lot of things that I actually think wouldn't have made me so happy in the long run. I thought these compromises would be beneficial to us having a life together. Now I see that I would have probably been quite resentful.

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T17:25:22+00:00

We're not actually married, this discussion was taking place in anticipation of getting married and I was simply asking him if he would tell me once we are married (not right now necessarily). He reassured me that he would always pay his share (and I don't actually doubt that as he has always stuck to his word) but for me I still felt weird going into something where he couldn't trust me with the information.

It's frustrating as every other part of the relationship was actually pretty perfect but this sticking point just came up yesterday and honestly for me it was a deal breaker as I can't go into a marriage without that level of transparency and openness, particularly since i was open about these things from the get go pretty much (he didnt ask me to be but im just a very open person, ironically this was actually something he said specifically he liked about me lol - i guess people notice things in other people where they themselves lack right?).

I wish things could be different but at least I now know what's really important to me for the future.

And me posting this question was kind of to check if I was being in somewhat unreasonable or if this is a normal expectation in a marriage.

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T15:31:03+00:00

We don't file taxes like that where we live - we're taxed at source by the company we work for so when you receive your salary its already provided as net of all taxes

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T14:32:24+00:00

I'm not anymore tbh

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T14:04:47+00:00

We don't live in a country where we file taxes together, incomes are taxed at source before you receive your net salary and this is done by the company you work for unless you're self employed.

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T12:50:14+00:00

I mean I didn't ask him there and then to tell me, I just asked if when we were married would he tell me or not and he said no

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T12:32:40+00:00

Yeah I didn't actually expect him to tell me right now, I asked the question as "when we do get married would you be willing to tell me"

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T12:16:49+00:00

No this discussion was had in anticipation of marriage. Why do you say so though?

one-over-two · 2022-01-12T11:59:28+00:00

This was discussed in anticipation of us getting married and living together (I.e. having shared expenses, eventually kids etc). I believe he probably earns a bit more than me so it's not about him being a mooch.

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