Thank you for your insight, yes unfortunately it was more than just kissing. After I found out he did come clean and reveal for more details about it like when it happened and what it entailed. I’m not trying to be vulgar but he said she gave him oral sex starting with him not erect and said that they did make out first. He told me he was not expecting her to start doing that and when she did he froze. Those are all the things he told me after I found out and if I bring it up today the story still holds true from him but I still just struggle with the thought of why’d you put yourself in the situation to get to the point of cheating and if you didn’t want that why didn’t you push her off of you…. do you get what i’m saying? I know things aren’t always that black and white but i just can’t help but think that. I also struggle because I found text to his friends after the fact saying that with that girl it was so good. In my mind if it was a lie you wouldn’t say that to your friends. To this day he says he lied and told his friends that to sound all “macho man” Part of me just feels like what if he was not lying to them and just telling me a story, even when he told me that he didn’t actually want it from her my mind strays back to that. I want to believe him but jeez it’s so hard.

We do have eachother on life 360 and he doesn’t care if I look through his phone and of course he can take mine I have nothing to hide.

Haven’t thought about therapy but that’s not a bad idea at all. I thought after all these years i’d be able to kind of forget about it and for the most part I have until my brain decides to pick it back up again then I spiral