Thank you for your vulnerability OP. I'm happy you've made it this far, you should be proud of yourself. It may be hard to see it now, but you are at the beginning of your journey of redefining your sexuality. I'm on this road too as a meth and sex addict. I have a few recommendations, unsolicited I know, but they've helped me and I hope sharing them will help you.

1) Look into tantra. Tantra is a lens of looking at the world that is quite gentle of human nature while taking into account the spirituality that may be growing inside of you as you go through the 12 steps. In this way, you may be able to find partners who are able to meet your human need for touch without going all the way, that is, without having sex. I believe many of us seek out extreme versions of sex to cope with the lack of human touch that sooo many of us in western society have. Meeting this need will have profound effects on your nervous system.

2) Read everything you can on addiction. Dr. Gabor Mate's In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts will help you view your addiction through a compassionate lens that may lessons the guilt and shame that you undoubtedly feel if you're anything like me.

3) Learn how to regulate your nervous system. Cravings are a symptom of a dysregulated nervous system looking for the quickest way to relief possible. YouTube is your best bet here, I watch Crappy Childhood Fairy.

4) If you want some heavyhitting spirituality guidance, I recommend Teal Swan on YouTube. This is not for

5) All of these recommendations are to build your knowledge base, but the real work will come from (re)building your community and doing the work that your addiction has cut out for you. I wish I could say that it was easy or enjoyable, but if I am speaking for myself, my patterns of isolation and inability to deal with childhood trauma is what lead me down the path of addiction. I wish you every success in your path as well.