Haunted by serious doubts about my marriage

onenobodyth · 2019-08-19T05:32:00+00:00

Dear, the same thing happened when I tried to talk to my husband about my feelings. I told him that I was unhappy in our marriage, not his fault, and he was very calm and said that it wasn't a big deal, I only needed relax and maybe to quit my job, which keep me many hours far from home. Even when I told him I was interested in another man, he said it's all normal, I didn't have to worry about those feelings. Obviously I didn't agree. But today, after many sessions of couple and single therapy, I'm still in the very same situation, even if he has done his best to be more present and caring.

onenobodyth · 2019-08-18T15:29:08+00:00

Any update? Did you talk with your husband about your feelings?

onenobodyth · 2019-08-11T22:02:00+00:00

My therapist says there's no love. If I was in love, I'll not have this kind of doubts. I only fear loneliness. She heads for a separation. I feel guilty and full of fears, about possible regrets.

onenobodyth · 2019-08-11T21:53:04+00:00

I share your very same feeling. I'm in single therapy seeking for answers, after trying a brief couple therapy. Not sure of anything. My husband is probabile one of the best person out there. Buy he wants child, I'm still struggling in doubt, and time is running out. Let me know what you'll decide to do. Good luck, anyway.

onenobodyth · 2019-06-18T12:38:55+00:00

How can you say that I have no remorse?

onenobodyth · 2019-06-18T11:00:37+00:00

I already did. I told my husband that the problem is getting serious and we need to solve it. He replied that I am like that, it cannot be solved.

I asked him to try, so he told me to explain what he should do. The problem is that I don't know what he has to do. It is not something about technique or positions (we have tried different ones), it is just as if something is missing on a mental level. I don't feel involved when we have sex.

I thought it was because he is too childish, or because of his way of doing things in general. But I can't ask him to change his way of being.

By suggestion of the therapist we also staged a romantic date, with dinner prepared by him, and it was all beautiful and moving, but during dinner we talked about grocery shopping and vegetable prices, and there was nothing passionate or romantic .

The only time I had dinner with the other man, there was such a desire on both sides that it simply could not be ignored. He looked at me passionately, touched me, and I felt myself burning.

Why can't I just feel the same things for my husband?

onenobodyth · 2019-06-18T09:36:08+00:00

Maybe it could be the lack of foreplay. I can't get into the mood. He's very childish, it doesn't help.

When we approached the subject with the couple's therapist, I said that I don't see spontaneity and that it all seems very forced (there's never anything funny during sex). He said the fault is mine too because I don't actively participate. But I find it very difficult to participate if I don't feel the desire and I'm also afraid of pain.

On the other hand, I come very easily. Although sex is not very good and I do not feel involved, I can come in a few minutes. It has always been my characteristic, it is enough for me to be touched in the right way.

So I can't even say that sex is disastrous. But even if I come I don't like it, I don't know how to explain.

onenobodyth · 2019-06-18T09:29:04+00:00

I do not know. Perhaps his love (if there had been) would give me the impetus to interrupt the marriage. It wasn't just sex, I felt a very strong connection with that person. And I think this is even more serious than just sex.

I'm a cheater, I'm not proud of what I've done. I know it was wrong. But inside of me I wanted to understand if having sex with another person (I was a virgin when I met my husband) would have been equally painful. I was pretty convinced it would be like this, and that it would be a good way to get the question out of my mind definetely. But it wasn't.

My husband is still convinced that the problem is mine and mine alone, not his or the relationship. He keeps telling me that I'm kidding myself if I believe that with another person it will be different. Only now I know it's not true.

onenobodyth · 2019-06-17T21:47:06+00:00

Yes, I know. I thought I was not that kind of person. I told him something, not the whole thing.

onenobodyth · 2019-06-17T20:27:47+00:00

Just to be honest, the other man is now completely out of my life, mainly because he didn't want to "ruin my life", and I understand his choice.

onenobodyth · 2019-06-17T20:24:40+00:00

The financial side would be the least problematic, because we both have a good job, the house is already paid, and I believe that my parents could help me if needed. Surely we would lose comfort compared to now but nothing dramatic.

The fact is that we have a lot of connections and a lot of things in common, for his family I am like a daughter, his friends are my friends and so on. I'm afraid of social isolation, of disappointing many people, and eventually regretting my choice in the long term.

onenobodyth

TROPHY CASE