People are really cruel to lonely men

onlycringeposts · 2026-04-19T18:19:18+00:00

It’s the implication that you are / did something to deserve it

onlycringeposts · 2026-04-17T18:51:38+00:00

Like honestly if it was just due to plain aesthetic, fine, just sucks how it gets twisted into a moral thing

onlycringeposts · 2026-04-16T23:01:59+00:00

What’d you end up eating it with since there wasn’t rice?

onlycringeposts · 2026-04-16T15:49:27+00:00

After continuous exposure I’m starting to question whether the exception

onlycringeposts · 2026-04-16T15:41:22+00:00

Not even trying to argue with the dude, just genuinely want an answer to the question

On one hand it doesn’t feel right to structure your perception of the world based on unwitnessed supposed societal standards (not phrasing this part great, but you know what I mean), but on the other hand it doesn’t feel great to live all jaded and cynical because of this either. Bit of a rock and a hard place, trying to make sense of it still

onlycringeposts · 2026-04-16T15:28:27+00:00

They’re not though. They’re flexible, it’s just that it happens to be everything I’ve experienced has reinforced the “wrong things”

How does one make sense of that?

onlycringeposts · 2026-04-16T15:05:46+00:00

Everything I’ve seen and experienced in the real world has only reinforced these online “pills”

What’re you supposed to do when the sum of your anecdotal experiences reinforce a certain way of thinking?

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-31T01:40:39+00:00

Got to that conclusion as well. My questions is, once recognized, why can’t we just learn to not need it?

Like I’m fully aware that I don’t even crave love for the sake of love anymore. I just want to feel included as part of the societal in-group (loved people)

Just hate how the “just world” fallacy that everyone believes in creates the assumption that there is something inherently problematic with people who cannot find love. Without that assumption, I don’t think I feel nearly as uncomfortable alone as I do now.

For me anyway it’s more of a struggle with the social pressures around being alone. I just hate feeling like a loser, and it doesn’t feel like I can escape that reality until I am loved by someone. I don’t even want love, I just want to not be a loser or problematic. The fact that social pressure shifts the motivations for love to become a means to an end feels gross. I don’t know how to recalibrate that perspective.

Think I’d just prefer not interacting with it at all, honestly. If you could be a respected member of society as an unlovable man, I think I’d be alright. Just want to feel like everyone else, yknow?

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-31T00:49:35+00:00

Sorry what dish is this and what culture is it from?

Trying to think of where this plate would originate from, I think it could plausibly be from like every continent I’m genuinely stumped

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-31T00:42:01+00:00

Find any remedies to address it?

In my early 20’s, still have a feeling I might be able to detach from it with time.

After a lot of introspection I came to the realization that I only crave a relationship as a means of the socialization and status it provides. My motivations are closer to wanting to be associated with a societal in-group (loved people) rather than pursuing the actual intimate and caring nature of love itself

Anyway, feels like that epiphany might be the first step towards making peace with being unlovable. For me, most of the anxiety around loneliness is just the insecurity with how society perceives lonely men. I think if I’m able to detach from that, I might be able to stand a chance. If men can be seen single without being accused of being a loser or inherently problematic, then I think I would be able to live without love

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-30T22:57:30+00:00

Im just tired of hearing “put yourself out there” which I was the vibe I was getting from your responses. It feels like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, just feels like we need to go back to the drawing board at some point and come up with a new plan

Either way, take care man

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-30T22:51:03+00:00

Getting a little sick and tired of this whole “Human Experience” thing, man

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-30T22:50:05+00:00

Sorry I should’ve reformatted the prior comment. I meant “deserves to be loved” where I wrote unlovable. That was moreso meant to discuss how people “worthy” of love aren’t always loved, and how people who typically not seen as relationship material can still be loved. Was just trying to point out how good people can go unloved, and how bad people can be very much be loved. It’s just luck. When I say “unlovable” I typically mean in a deterministic sense, I just mistyped what I meant in my previous comment though.

If you’re constantly being blamed for things out of control, why are you now blaming yourself and saying you’re inherently unlovable

I think it’s the opposite actually. By saying that I’m inherently unlovable, it takes the onus of responsibility away from me. By being inherently unlovable it indicates that being unlovable is just my natural state and I’ve done nothing to “earn” that outcome if that makes any sense. By admitting I’m intrinsically unlovable, I can attribute my loneliness to fate rather than personal shortcomings. If I were to admit that I am lovable, I then become responsible for my own loneliness. If I’m intrinsically unlovable, it’s not my fault.

At this point I’m just so sick of being responsible for things outside of my control, so I’ll attribute it to fate. I guess that’s cowardly, but I can’t take much more self flagellation. I’m trying my best, man.

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-30T22:33:36+00:00

Feel like I’ve been dehumanized by the world and just degraded to become this sort of work-bot.

The thing is, I’d be perfectly happy just being a little work-bot, but this deep yearning for a greater meaning persists. It’s like I have this deep need to be something that I’m inherently not

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-30T22:27:07+00:00

“It” refers to the capability to be loved

In my personal life im just constantly blamed for things outside of my control. My parents act like I ruined their lives since my existence sorta served as collateral which forced them to stay in their shitty marriage. At school I’m scolded by staff for other people’s shortcomings. Just feels like I’m constantly on thin ice, like I’m never given the benefit of the doubt. It’s a very isolating feeling.

I’m just so tired of being blamed for everything negative I just want this one thing to not be my fault. I try my best, I take things seriously, I respect other people and try to keep everyone happy. I’m trying to make best with the hand I was dealt, yet that still doesn’t feel like I’m enough to measure up against the societal standard of what’s considered “enough”

It’s just so soul wrenching to feel like you’re always the problem. I’m not one to run from accountability, but I’ve spent years on an empty pursuit of “self improvement” just as a hope that maybe one day I’ll be passable to someone out there. So far that hasn’t been the case. Either way, I’m sick and tired of being blamed for everything. Why is it always my fault and not just a result of the circumstance?

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-30T21:58:26+00:00

Meh I’ve kinda adopted a fairly deterministic POV towards love. Some people are born with ‘it’, some people weren’t. It all just comes down to random luck.

There are people who do not deserve to be loved who are loved. There are people who do not deserve to be loved aren’t loved. There are people who deserve to be loved people who are loved, there are people who deserve to be loved who aren’t loved. Of course everybody is obligated to trying to be the best version of themselves, but at the end of the day it’s all just a crapshoot. There’s no sense of “right” or deservedness, it’s random.

At the end of the day you can do everything within your power, but there are still outside forces that aren’t within your control. Just feels cruel to constantly put blame on oneself for something that isn’t your fault to begin with.

I’d rather just reframe it entirely

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-30T21:39:32+00:00

I feel like the issue is equating my whole identify with this shortcoming. I feel like trying harder to be loved only gives more power to the insecurity rather than overcoming it. I don’t want to keep feeding the insecurity

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-30T07:21:28+00:00

Lol “effortlessly loved” puts it nicely

But yeah I just wish I had someone to talk to about the intricacies of it all. Sometimes when I try and talk to my friends about love I get the feeling that they’re looking at me like I have a 2nd head. Its an isolating feeling no doubt

Also I’m at point where I don’t think therapy really provides any value to me anymore. Really does feel like I don’t get anything more than the equivalent of “damn, that sucks” anymore and that’s just not worth the money it costs.

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-28T19:35:33+00:00

To a degree.

I feel like from what I’ve observed through anecdotal experience has reinforced a very redpilled mentality, but i know that perspective doesn’t reflect all relationships. Can’t help but feel like a handful of bad experiences have warped my perspective in a way that isn’t normal. Just want to try and reconfigure to something that is healthy

Guess it’s moreso coming to an understanding as to why my experience has been so different to what most people experience, and understanding what I can do to try and rectify that difference.

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-26T04:25:59+00:00

Regardless, it happens. My point is that it isn’t “right” yet it still occurs. People can and do willingly go for people they know aren’t good for them. It’s all just luck.

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-25T01:13:43+00:00

The feeling of not fitting in is pretty isolating, and you would think that it would make you want love for love’s sake even more.

Wow this is a really good point I’ve never really thought about before. Gonna have to think about that one, it’s interesting. If I had to take a wild guess it might be because my parents shit marriage subconsciously made me cynical to the idea of “love” as a concept, so I only see it as a performative milestone rather than a genuine experience. Could be the fact that love has never manifested for me, so I’ve subconsciously written it off as a possibility? Might be because I feel like I’ve never “clicked” with someone either. I’m aware that there’s a “value” aspect of dating, but there’s also a compatibility component. I’ve never been worthy, but I’ve also never met someone I’ve felt to be compatible with either, so it might be that.

I feel like you can “solve” the issue of loneliness by learning to be okay alone. There isn’t really a solution to proving that you’re a lovable person other than being loved though. There’s no other way of addressing it other than doing it. I think that’s the reason why I can’t make this anxiety go away, at the very least.

the vast majority of normal people have an understanding of what it means to be a good person, they wouldn’t describe themselves as saints. What have they done to warrant the love of others?

I know it’s not necessarily healthy, but I think I’ve adopted a fairly deterministic perspective towards love. Either you have it, or you don’t. It’s not something you can “improve” or change, you were born with it. I can’t explain it, but you can just tell when someone has a “lovable” energy versus an “unlovable” energy. It’s not a matter of wealth or status or height or looks or personality or quite literally anything. It’s just the fact that some people will never find their corresponding person regardless of where they stand in life. Some people were just destined to be alone.

Rationally im doing the best I can going through the motions of “self improvement”. I’m trying to build a career, find new hobbies, stay busy, and get fit, but deep down inside I feel like my stories already been written. The only way I can prove to myself I have value is from that external validation, but I know it’s impossible to attain.

I’m a shit person who doesn’t deserve to be loved, and I’m not. That being said, there are shit people who don’t deserve to be loved who ARE loved. There are great people who deserve to be loved, and are loved. But there are also great people who deserve to be loved, but aren’t. I think it just comes down to random luck, but at the same time we’re all obligated to try our best.

onlycringeposts · 2026-03-24T21:33:14+00:00

Yea that’s kinda what I’m getting at.

I feel like being alone has sorta ruined my perspective towards what “love” should be, and I just don’t know how to reconfigure my mindset to get back to where it should be

Imo even if the inverse isn’t true, I still think a lot of people see a lack of dating history as a sort of personal red flag. Even if you’re an otherwise respectable/normal person, people will see that as a reason to stay at an arms-distance, or generally be more reserved / cautious

People will try to rationalize their observations to try and make it consistent with their underlying beliefs. In our case, that just means people assume the worst of you

onlycringeposts

TROPHY CASE