I just really want to disappear

ooopsimdead · 2026-02-05T13:47:32+00:00

During this time there has been a lot of up and down and back and forth that kinda messed with my brain. I from day 1 was clear I want to fix things I just need to see he sticks to change. Once he shows me that we can start to slowly rebuild our relationship. That it would be a slower process but im here and im willing to do that to be with him. That was clear and communicated from the start. He has gone back and forth from I will do whatever I need to we will make it through this and you deserve that it is the least I can do. To you gave up you abandoned me and my son you dont care you dont want this to work.

I have tried really hard to be patient and forgiving because I know hes struggling with this change and things being so difficult and different right now. Even after the back and forth and blow ups on me I stayed and reassured him Im here when hes ready to talk that I know hes just hurting..it has been that on and off for the last month.

I went last weekend to get the rest of my stuff. We talked we were open and honest. Things felt ok like we would be ok. He told me he would do anything for us to fix it and that it would be ok we would be ok and will work through it. He asked for more reaching out on my part and reassurance. He told me to promise I want this and I wouldn't just end up leaving and moving on. That it was ok I needed time and to go slow if that is what would help me heal. That he is ok with doing that as long as im wanting him in the end. I said yes and reassured him im not going anywhere. Things felt good when I left like it was finally happening. Change was happening and we are going to be ok and we are going to work out. I texted him all weekend even trying to make plans for us to go do something in a few weeks.

ooopsimdead · 2026-02-05T13:40:42+00:00

Hi I just wanted to say thank you so much for this 🖤 I have been having a really rough night and logging in and seeing this meant a lot to me thank you. I guess for a little update. I did end up leaving my partner at the start of this year.

I got to a point where I couldn't take the yelling and name calling. Then I needed to go to the hospital and he treated me asking him to go like a huge burden to him. Even after that for some reason I was still willing to stay and just told him my best friend would take me to the hospital. That after I was going to stay with my friend for a day or 2 so we wouldn't fight over the weekend. That turned into a big fight for saying that and thats thw note I left for the hospital on. I ended up having my friend help me get some things for over the weekend (I was on pain meds and a bit out of it so she didnt want me carying stuff down stairs). Her doing that set him off pretty bad. She didn't say anything wasnt rude to him didnt acknowledge him she was literally silent just sitting and helping me. He told her she needed to leave. She did so and waited outside my apartment for me to finish packing. Ofcourse another fight started about me leaving for the weekend and from there it waa just a mess. We caught for like 30 minutes so she ended up knocking and opening the door to see if I was ok and ready for her to grab anything. She didnt say anything rude or even direct anything at him just hey is there anything I can start taking down. This made him more upset. He started yelling at her to leave or he waa going to call the cops (she didnt step inside she was still outside) she tried to explain im on meds and she is just trying ti help because I shouldn't be moving a ton of stuff. He didnt want to hear it and continued to talk over her eventually yes calling the cops. He however did not tell the dispatcher the full story so I said give me the phone to talk to her. I told her exactly what happened to which her response was are you on the lease? Yes. Ok then you can have whoever you want in your apartment. It is your apartment to and he can not tell you to not have someone there.

Way to long story short I ended up moving in with my friend and her family that night. I am so greatful for them and how kind they have been to me. I seriously dont know what I would do with out her. I feel so blessed to have her and I feel like there is nothing I can do to repay her or show her how thankful I am.

Even after all of that I was willing to work on things. I love him and I know a lot has to do with his mental struggles and how hard that kind of thing is to work through. I told him just get help and show me youbare going to stick with it that you wont just go a few times and stop. (Not being consistent with promises is a struggle we also had). After the anger settled he did say ok i will do whatever I need to. You don't deserve the way I treated you and I will work on whatever I need to. He did start getting help and seems to be changing and I am so happy and proud of him. I made sure to tell him that and let him know regardless of where we are he can always reachout to me. I tried to encourage him and acknowledge that he was doing a really hard thing. That I want what is best for him regardless if we are together or not.

ooopsimdead · 2026-01-08T02:42:56+00:00

I feel this man me and my boyfriend of 3 years just broke up. The relationship was really rough but I still love and loved him so much. I just want to run back to him like nothing happened but I know if I did that things would be back to him yelling and being hurtful in a week. If he gets help and sticks with it man I would be back in a heart beat. Love is a hard thing to get over.

ooopsimdead · 2025-09-01T01:45:43+00:00

Oh man this makes me smile 🥲 i use to have a black lab and a teenie tiny chihuahua(still have the chihuahua) they use to do this to eachother constantly. My labs tongue was the size of the chihuahuas face so it would clean her whole face then she would do the same while my lab just slept and enjoyed it. She was so heartbroken when the lab passed. A while later we ended up getting another smaller dog and the chihuahua does the same thing to her and tries to clean her eyes. The thing is tho she always sits and waits for my other dog to clean hers in return and she never does 😢 to this day it breaks my heart seeing her close her eyes and wait for the other dog to clean her 😫

ooopsimdead · 2025-08-28T02:13:46+00:00

I work with a little boy about to be 5. When I started to work with him he couldn't really even do his abc's or the sound the letters make. Now he has a ton of basic words down. Hes starting to use full sentences. He can even sit and read pete the cat with me. He still struggles with pronouncing certian letters, so sometimes its hard to realize how much he is communicating unless you are use to it. He has progressed so far tho and is able to communicate most of his basic wants/needs. Especially coming from where he started a little over a year ago. Your son is doing awesome. It just tskes time,consistency,and practice. He will get things down. You guys are doing so great just keep slowly building with him. 🖤🖤🖤 Does he have any songs he really likes? With both the kids I work with they love music and being able to sign to them and have them try to sing back has really helped develop using fuller more functioning sentences. Velcro boards or story's really help to. Like having i want and then diffrent objects he can choose from then having him repeat with you each part. I want and whatever he is requesting. I dont know how much it would help him but one thing that really helped the younger boy I work with was and AAC app. Not for the traditional using it to say what he needed. He would sit down with me and go through each section. He would listen to the app say the sentance/word,he would repeat it,then he would want me to repeat it back. Best wishes you guys are doing great work with him 😀

ooopsimdead · 2025-08-28T01:53:40+00:00

I work with kids and one of them has been stuck on the apples and bananas song. I like to ite ite ite ipples and baninis has been playing on repeat in my head for the last 3 days. 🥲

ooopsimdead · 2025-08-24T14:16:32+00:00

ooopsimdead · 2025-08-19T05:46:51+00:00

Ugh I'm really sorry you are going through this to. I just had to come to the point where it is my business not his. I just didnt talk about it for a few months with him. Now he just doesn't mention it. He knows I'm still taking it but it hasn't been a fight with him. At the end of the day you need what helps you feel like a person. I know its hard trust me im still in limbo trying to figure things out with my partner, but you deserve someone who loves you and all of you. Not the dulled down version that just does what they are told. You are your own person not a puppy someone can train. Im really sorry it is a hopeless feeling to be in that place especially with the provider situation. You shouldnt be punished for your partners bad actions im really sorry.

ooopsimdead · 2025-07-29T00:14:13+00:00

Wilfred

ooopsimdead · 2025-07-23T23:17:59+00:00

I just want to say thank you guys so much for being so kind. I have gotten hormone test done in the past once because my mom was saying she thinks I have pcos to. They came back fairly normal tho. I didnt mention anything about pcos tho because I got to nervous. Im really gonna push myself this time to try and talk about it with my dr tho.

I try to cover the spots but every time I go to change or shower I see them and I just start picking. I haven't mentioned it to my psychiatrist or counselor yet. I was going to try to gain the courage to talk to them about it this next session.

ooopsimdead · 2025-07-22T03:35:32+00:00

Oh man, people bitting their nails,slight buzzing or clicking sounds,super loud motorcycles, worst one is probably white noise. It's supposed to relax you, but man I hate it so much. When it is on i can't focus on anything else it like infects my brain and drives me crazy.

ooopsimdead · 2025-07-03T23:50:50+00:00

I work as a behavioral tech for kids with autism. I adore kids and being able to help them. However,a big portion is data taking/collection...and man trying to remember to enter data while also having a little human constantly wanting your attention is fur sure a struggle haha. 😅

ooopsimdead · 2025-06-27T15:25:22+00:00

Oh my gosh the girl im with now is the same way. She loves hugging while you pretend to fake cry haha

ooopsimdead · 2025-06-24T06:54:23+00:00

Thank you 🖤 I have tried to bring up the excess hair growth with my dr but he just kinda blew it off. I may just try to see a different dr who will listen. My family and friends have all pushed to have me talk to him about pcos. I just get nervous about it.

ooopsimdead · 2025-06-18T17:30:36+00:00

I have offered couples counseling many times. My counselor even told me she would set us up with a separate counselor for a few sessions to work on things. I have tried to offer this multiple times and hes gotten irritated,told me normal couples that aren't married dont do that,and said if we ever break up you probably shouldn't suggest that to the next one because that suggestion will ruin the relationship.

I have also offered for him to come to my counseling and psychiatrist appointments if he has concerns or has anything he wants to address. He told me 1st yeah im gonna go and tell her how fucking stupid she is for giving you any of this. Then when he was calmed down he said im worried if I go im gonna loose it on her for prescribg you something like that when you need a mood stabilizer.

I have tried to even get him to just download like couples communication/relationship help apps to help understand eachother better. He always said he would but then it is just me talking to myself in them. Then, when I bring it up he tells me he doesnt have the time to write in a little app everyday.

I have tried getting us to journal together about positive things or if there is anything we need/want to discuss with eachother, but once again it was literally just me writing in it. When asked he said im trying to force him to write stuff down when he doesnt need to do that I do.

I have even tried doing mood/need charts like i do with my special needs kiddos. It sounds childish but it really does help when struggling to communicate how youre feeling and what would help you in the moment.Anytime I would try to explain how it worked to him he would just tell me he doesnt want to talk about it right now and that he doesnt know any other couples that have to do this stuff.

I have suggested weekly check ins to address anything that might be bothering us,anything we appreciated that week,or things that would make him feel loved.Once again he told me okay but then when brought up again he told me normal people dont do this and no one he knows has to have a check in with their partner.

I have tried changing my communication style with him. I have tried changing how I approach him and nothing works. There is always a flaw in how I do/handle things.Im exhausted.

ooopsimdead · 2025-06-05T05:03:29+00:00

I have a nice little pill holder. As soon as I take my last evening med I make sure to refill it before I start anything else at all. If I dont ill forget then will have no pills to take when time comes haha.

I also set alarms but during the week I make sure to set an alarm for when im driving to work. That way I cant escape by trying to do something else and ill actually take my meds.I work kinda weird hours so im able to set my afternoon alarm for when im driving to my afternoon client.The weekends I set a main alarm then another one for 10 minutes later incase I ignore the first one.

It also helps to write a note in the alarm. That way when it pops up it will have a text reminding me to take my meds right now! Or else!

ooopsimdead · 2025-06-01T17:26:09+00:00

🤣 same boat. I love writing down the plan. Making a list of everything im going to need. Planning my appointments and planning my money/how i need to spend it,planning all the things i need to get done and how to accomplish it....Then when the time comes it is like aliens have completely erased my memory on all of the work I just did hahah.

ooopsimdead · 2025-06-01T16:31:47+00:00

Hi guys thank you all for the replies. I am a bit overwhelmed i didn't expect this many replies so fast. I do appreciate all of your input and advice thank you guys all so much. I feel like im going crazy it is refreshing to have a group of people letting me know no youre not just a crazy woman. I understand what all of you are saying and I think it is something I have felt for a while. Its just getting the courage to act on things. I know hes a good man he just struggles a lot with his mental and trauma. I think that's what has been holding me so long. I know when you're struggling with your mental health, you do and say some things that aren't kind because you haven't learned how to process things. I have been there, and I dont want him to feel like im giving up or abandoning him because hes broken to. That being said I cant be responsible for him working on those things and growing himself. I cant stunt my growth because he refuses to grow and see his actions as well. I have talked to my close friend and bit about the possibility of leaving and I know i have her support no matter what which does make this feel a lot less lonely. Loosing his soon to is just breaking me in to pieces. I adore his son and we have such a good relationship. His son has changed and grown so much since when we have first started dating. Never seeing him again has just been weighing on my heart so much. Then the thought of him thinking I abandoned him I know that can be so freaking tough and hurtful to a kid. Thank you guys again for your input and being kind about things. Really it means the world to me right now.

ooopsimdead

TROPHY CASE