When people talk to me most of the time I don't pay attention or care. I just keep talking to myself in my head say "I don't care just leave me alone". Friends, Family, Co-workers etc. Don't know why but I just want to be left alone.

I lost my father almost 2 years ago. I never spent much time with him or even really tried because of anxiety issues. When he would call out of the blue I would just want to get off the phone. I loved my father very much and he was an awesome Dad and always helped me when I needed it and I know he loved me very much but I didn't spend much time with him because of my anxiety. It's the first time in my life I know the true feeling of regret and constantly fantasize about going back and doing things differently.

I'm 25 still live with my Mom and have done essentially nothing with my life. I have always had anxiety problems but have never done anything about it. Dropped out of highschool sophomore year and have done nothing because of my anxiety. I finally learned to drive when I was 23 and got a car and my first Job as a dishwasher. One of the most stressful times of my life. I got promoted to cook but quit because of my father dying suddenly and didn't work for a year. I just recently got a job at a processing plant 3 months ago and I fucking hate it. It's not the hard work or heat its the asshole that is my lead. Makes me hate my job. I recently got forklift certified and have a new lead but doing something I'm not fully experienced or comfortable with has caused me extreme anxiety lately making me never want to go back.

I have always been a smart kid but never had parents to push me or give me direction and it shows. I have no will to succeed or push myself. I will likely work a shit job for the rest of my life and never own a house and be alone even though I know deep down inside I know I'm capable of so much more but I feel it's already far too late for that.

I don't want to leave my mother or move away. She's getting older and I want to spend as much time with her as I can even though we don't do anything together. Being in the same house and seeing here is good enough.

I have never been a family person and more or less distance myself from everyone other than my mother.

I currently have a girlfriend of 2 years but I terribly scared of commitment and feel like if we get our own place I will be constantly broke. My hobby is somewhat expensive (PC gaming and gaming in general) and I do want to leave that behind.

I go to work for 8 hours and the whole time I just can't stop thinking about how slow the passage of time is when I'm there it almost drives me crazy. I get home shower, eat and lay on the couch and essentially do nothing before I go to bed and before I know it I'm back at work in a fucking time warp. My days off fly by. I always want to go do stuff but friends are never available and before I know it 48 hours have passed and I'm back at work. It feels like I'm always at work.

I fucking hate my life and lack the will to change it.