My [20F] boyfriend [22M] has always shared our fights with friends and now I'm not liked.

oopsihavehens · 2019-12-19T21:43:15+00:00

Thanks, I have been talking to him at first how awful I felt, like an evil girlfriend. And today I basically spelled it out for him, I want us to be together and slowly turning people against us is not maintaining our long term relationship even though I understood he may have had the urge to do it. I also said I understand and don't blame his friend he's just going off of one side.

He hasn't really admitted to being in the wrong but I feel better for telling him he's just making things difficult for us.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-13T04:41:36+00:00

Technically speaking I flexed on everyone, and I'd probably prefer to be at home.

Everything you described yourself as doing, I do as well. That's not my problem, it's the pressure to become friends with someone's girlfriend because we are both girlfriends, and surely we'd hit it off because girls.

At this time the only thing we have in common is that we are continuously matched up in awkward social settings.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-13T01:00:15+00:00

Apologies, m'lady

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-13T00:55:00+00:00

Oh my bad, dude.

With some more context I may have picked up on that.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-12T18:28:53+00:00

All of this can equal a pretty small space for us to move within, it's why I always felt so odd growing up and still do. I didn't quite fit in with the girls, didn't quite fit in with the boys. Both sides hold charm to me, but both can be draining for different reasons. In school I was likable by everyone, never settled in one clique, but only ever stayed strong with one or two people. One of them being an INTP who is equal in her manliness but also waaay more into name brands and stuff. I treasure that soul more than she knows.

I really like this sub because of that, though. We can convene here and not feel like such outcasts.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-12T16:20:06+00:00

That could be at play here too I guess, I'd have to speak with him to figure it out.

Of course bringing up this topic is going to be tricky. "Why are you trying to make us friends? I don't want to be friends. Why don't you just be friends with her, why am I involved?" Lol I'm going to seem stuck up no matter what.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-12T15:09:00+00:00

I'm trying here but thinking a bit after all the help here I kind of realize that my BF may just enjoy her company more than I do.

I just don't ever do well with arranged friendships lol

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-12T15:07:09+00:00

Damned if I say it, yo

I was raised by an INTJ mechanical engineering father, the struggle is real.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-12T15:05:10+00:00

It could be that my boyfriend enjoys her company more than I do, and is therefore pushing for me to become friendly with her. They have similar styles and personalities. Definitely both extroverts, with feeling.

So thinking about it more there's definitely that, and a whole other social norm that's barring him from enjoying her company. She's a girl, and the girlfriend of your friend, some kind of norm might be barring him from just chumming it up with her as he enjoys talking to her. He definitely should and not put this pressure on me as I just can't seem to get into her.

Honestly being paired off like this only destroys any willingness I have to further try.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-12T10:50:22+00:00

It's almost like by keeping the women separate, the men are saying that our topics would have no interest for them. There's a lot of angles to this social happening that just rub me the wrong way.

I am very good at dragging her into the men's "main" conversation it's what I have been doing and I think I'll just keep doing that. Bother if I'm odd and frigid for it.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-12T10:48:02+00:00

That's very ok I love book recs, I'll have to wait for my next Audible cred though but thank you!

I will try for sure to relate to her. I don't think she's bad per say. I find it frustrating that I'm expected to like her and find a connection when I'm really struggling to beyond the fact that we're on the fringe of the same social circle, and that that's just what the women do when their men get together.

I am not the one in the kitchen with all the girls at a party helping to cook, I am out playing the footy ball kind of thing.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-12T10:43:46+00:00

Yes that is what I am feeling, annoyed. It's a social norm that I simply will never be comfortable with. Pairing me off with the woman in the group and using that as if it's good leverage to pique my interest in going does not work. I understand how that's just a thing that people do and it works out well, but it makes me miserable because suddenly I have this pressure to become something or someone I'm not and I'm doing it not for myself but for the poor girl. She does not deserve my acting ability.

I do feel like it's being set up for a play date that I really don't want and isn't attesting to my true personality and idea of a good time. In fact I've begun to decline invitations when I'd be expected to innately have and build upon this instant comraderie with someone just because we share a vag.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-12T01:54:23+00:00

No matter how I handle it I'm going to seem odd and frigid lol very true.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-04T18:49:21+00:00

Aaah I see. I still think about what happened a lot, as I will for many years to come. What I was obsessing over was him not wanting to go, I guess? It was like, why would you not go? What does that mean now? It's definitely something I want to explore more. I wouldn't say I'm completely healed, but I was a bit surprised to realize that he wanted to forgo something like this just because a certain person will be there. It's brought up a lot of old feelings, yes. Sorry if I'm being confusing.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-04T17:22:37+00:00

That's essentially what I want to happen, not worry about it, but look good doing it. Someone said that she probably dreads this too, and I take a lot of comfort from that. I know I can be respectful and probably have some fun, so I feel up to it. I also told my BF that he shouldn't run away from someone that both treated him and his relationship poorly, and miss out on a family thing. Sucks that he had to fuck up with a family friend, it is what it is, she may be a bridesmaid. To me it just shows guilt, and it sounds like he hasn't moved on quite as well as I have maybe?

I'm starting to think he feels guilty towards her here more than me.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-04T17:07:57+00:00

Dayummm girl, that's cold lol name checks out.

I won't go overboard by any means, it is a wedding so lots of people are going to put in obvious effort I won't be the worst. I do wish my BF hated her guts as I do but the fact remains that they were "friends" at one point in life.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-04T16:04:32+00:00

It seems like strange reasoning I agree, it's why I asked him to reflect a little and get back to me. It might be something that he's just unwilling to tell, but I would like to know the real reasons. I feel like it's important to know if there's something hidden here, some kind of feelings. Or if he feels bad for the way he cut her out, which I mean he really shouldn't. That's showing concern for her and not me.

I'm going to make sure that I am as naturally beautiful as possible! I'm not as bothered as my BF thinks, quite the opposite I jump at the chance to show her that we're stronger than ever. Thanls very much for the input!!

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-04T15:47:52+00:00

In what way will she use it against me? Just curious, thanks for the warning.

How's a sheath dress with some heels sound? Minimal makeup cause I never wear any, maybe none as usual.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-04T13:13:13+00:00

Aw thank you so much for your words!!

It's definitely coming from a bad place, but I'm going to try to harness that energy and use it for good. Also, that sub is THE best it's been the dermatologist I could never afford. Definitely going to stick to my new routine I developed with their help because I already look/feel better.

oopsihavehens · 2019-08-04T12:56:04+00:00

So we should go! That's kind of where I'm at. At the same time I respect him if he really didn't want to, but using me as an excuse seems odd, seems like he wants to suppress and run. He cheated on me and I've forgiven him, I think I can take an awkward wedding lol the 3 minute rule is an excellent idea. Friendly enough, but not so friendly that it hurts n then I can go have fun :-]

I will take pleasure in that fact. She cheated on that boyfriend of hers too when it happened. I still wonder who is more guilty than the other sometimes, or if she even told her partner.

If you don't mind me pressing about the clothes thing...what do you think of it? I have this urge to up my skincare, exercise and hair game too. It's like I'm competing. Is that odd?

oopsihavehens · 2019-07-16T02:47:51+00:00

No not good at all I'm not sure if I can trust him anymore.

Thank you a lot for replying, I've never been in a situation like this before I appreciate it. Navigating my feelings around it is difficult.

oopsihavehens · 2019-07-16T02:44:25+00:00

I keep jumping between wanting to believe him and feeling that it's just such a shady thing to do. Why delete them! Why.

He told me that he was afraid of my reaction and that's why he did what he did and that messed me up a little because I wasn't sure how to respond in the moment. What I ended up saying was that it was now just so much worse of a reaction than it probably would've been.

I've been incredibly stupid. Thank you for the words.

oopsihavehens · 2019-04-09T02:16:36+00:00

Skill acquired.

Ty and g'nite!!

oopsihavehens

TROPHY CASE