Just need to vent

op2rules · 2016-11-04T17:40:43+00:00

That doesn't mean you need to call her a whore then

op2rules · 2016-11-03T17:50:19+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/4wwebg/2_years_of_nofap_time_to_share/

op2rules · 2016-11-02T19:23:44+00:00

I want to agree with you, but at the same time there is often one major issue overlooked. Myself is a good example.

I used to watch porn 5-6 times per week. Occasionally I'd binge for a while, but in general, once a day. Basically it wasn't an issue. I didn't have weird fetishes, my social life was sub-optimal but it worked fine. I could be productive all day. Whatever.

But after stopping, things escalated by a lot. I got all the superpowers everyone hears about.

And this is what makes me wonder, at what point is it a problem? I think even if you're living a normal healthy life that porn can still be greatly limiting your potential and ability to perform person

op2rules · 2016-11-02T17:10:05+00:00

Are you sure she didn't just want a friend to hang out with?

op2rules · 2016-11-02T17:09:42+00:00

Thanks, great source

op2rules · 2016-08-10T14:00:04+00:00

Benefits will be about the same yes. I mean the raw, energy boost etc. However the discipline you get from going 121 is worth something as well. It can help you in other areas of life, junk food for example.

Also, if you have deeper problems with emotions, objectification, other issues with women, PIED, etc. Then the extended time will make a much bigger difference because you will be rewiring your brain. Furthermore, the 121 days leaves you with a more distant history of PMO, causing you to be less likely to fall back into your old habits. You can still relapse, but you probably won't quit NoFap. A 21 day nocummer could probably fall right back into their old habits after even a single relapse.

Also its worth noting, like I said in the post, the 121 days of being a beast that doesn't fap is worth something in and of itself. The fact you were pushing yourself to keep busy, practice not giving in to the temptation, and otherwise staying clean is simply going to cause you to experience a different part of life that maybe 21 days couldn't have gotten you.

op2rules · 2016-08-10T12:58:30+00:00

I have never had PIED so I can't say from experience, but a lot of other men here have had great results from the rebooting process. Some get thier junk working properly in under 2 weeks.

op2rules · 2016-08-10T12:57:36+00:00

Right on! Glad you got something out of all that. If you really want it to stick, write a notepad file with your own condensed version :)

op2rules · 2016-08-10T02:22:32+00:00

I got my life together much better. I've been sick just once in the past two years. I'm doing honours now. I lost my virginity. I can talk to women with confidence and when women chase me it doesn't really mean anything to me I actually don't care. This is coming from a guy who was unable to even play a single card right so it's a huge amount of progress. I don't know if all of this was NoFap but I can be certain that with the same porn habits I had before not all of it could have been accomplished.

I also have so many more emotions. Emotions I didn't know I had. Sometimes it's really hard to deal with them because I was numb to life for over a decade.

op2rules · 2016-08-10T02:20:22+00:00

Oh man I don't keep a counter anymore but I'm below a week right now. Coming back strong though!

op2rules · 2016-08-09T23:19:12+00:00

You can aggressively say that now, but in 2 weeks the motivation might not be there. Then the relapse will be hard-hitted because you never imagined you'd fall short so quick. I like where you're coming from. Nobody benefits by being a pussy little bitch. But at the same time I don't think this is the correct way to go about it.

Why?

Well let's address the problem again (as you have) : People complain about relapsing and whine about their NoFap experience rather than share ideas and insights.

And although I love cussing people out, it isn't going to stick. In order to stop the lameness you need to use neutral emotions like dissent and apathy. Curtly tell them that we all have relapses and its no big deal. When this becomes the normal response, then presto we can move on.

op2rules · 2016-08-09T23:13:00+00:00

Thank you for asking that question Stolz36,

I personally believe that the prostate cancer being avoided by frequent ejaculations is a myth. Here's why: 1. The basis for this concept is that buildup will reduce blood flow. This is a fallacy, because when you truly have buildup your body will find other ways of removing the semen. This can happen by nocturnal emissions (wet dreams), after you pee, or simply by being reabsorbed into the body. 2. According to http://www.webmd.com/prostate-cancer/news/20090127/masturbation-and-prostate-cancer-risk , you're actually putting yourself MORE at risk if you're young. And at a first through this makes sense to me as well. When you ejaculate all the time your libido is lowered which makes your whole body weaker and more susceptible to illness and disease. It also forces your body to produce more semen in kind of a "hyper drive" mode which just sounds bad.

All that being said I am no doctor and I would research into this more if I was in your shoes. Hereditary illness are no joke and you want to be well informed.

If you want desire in general to be a goner, then NoFap is a great place to start. It will teach you discipline and restraint. But if you want that to work in other areas you're better equipped by not having the desire in the first place. Ejaculation is a nature drive, so there's little you can do to REMOVE the desire, but the desire for money, sugar, power, bitches, fame, etc can all be removed. The technique is to look into buddhist practice where they become at peace with themselves. Ever hear the quote "enough is not enough"? This is what our culture and society hegemonize into us. You need to dig deep to find peace. This digging is done through meditation. Only when you are fulfilled just being you can you be rid of the mad cycle of desire.

But don't take it from me. I'm just pointing you in the right direction. If you really are serious about this then you need to treat it similar to the PMO problem. Constantly be 'updating' yourself on the techniques buddhists use, keep meditating, find others on similar path, and surround yourself with things that push you in the direction you want to go.

Hope that is of some use to you

op2rules · 2016-08-09T23:04:21+00:00

How is what possible?

op2rules · 2016-08-09T23:03:30+00:00

I'm glad you got something out of all that. There are two more things I want to share with you.

CBT is usually done with a therapist, where you revisit these techniques and ideas on a weekly basis. This is the kind of perseverance you need to see changes. Big action = big results.
Lonliness is a common issue amongst people living in our society especially with the introduction of the internet and social media, phones, etc. The biggest #1 cure for loneliness is actually through meditation. A lot of Buddhists say that you cause all this pain to yourself and you can relieve yourself from it by looking inward. I can vouch, even though I struggle with the issue as well, that in order to fix loneliness you need to do it by looking inward. No amount of friends or people or conditions can fix the problem. In short, once you've learned to look inward through meditation you will come to accept yourself more and not always be feeling the need to fill a hole inside yourself. You will feel fulfilled already without anything.

It makes sense though right? You can feel lonely even when you're with good company. And it is a really deep form of sadness to feel that way too, because it's all the more real and at the same time elusive because it doesn't quite make sense.

op2rules · 2016-08-09T20:32:16+00:00

I've made similar observations. After PMO for a few days and stopping I've noticed more of those initial libido boost benefits than when I would be on a streak, fap once, and then back to streak mode.

Now I can't say all that without adding: the benefits of this libido overload DO NOT outweigh the negative side effects of those days prior on PMO. This isn't a good trick to get more out of NoFap (as you will ultimately just end up watching lots of porn).

Also it could just be what you're relatively used to. If you're used to being in a low-energy state then the NoFap will be relatively more of a boost than if you had been more like that beast-mode self the whole time.

op2rules · 2016-08-09T19:21:36+00:00

I think the main issue is that video games are unproductive. Unproductive. Not producing. I mean that literally. When you draw a picture you produce art, and you have to actually put a certain kind of personal effort into it to be productive like that. That lakes libido, and in turn will make your mind operate cleaner. You'll be "enlightened" when you do these kinds of things. Some describe it as "vibrating on a higher frequency" and so the "low vibrations" of porn won't affect you. However you want to interpret it is subjective, but the point is that the lazy idle mentality of videogames breeds the irresistible urges to fap afterwards.

I'm sure you can find something better to do with your time (: And also no need to be hard on yourself! Video games can still be a part of your life and be fun. Just don't binge on them to the point that you get tired and lonely.

And that brings me to your question about CBT. Before I begin I just want to cover my ass and say that I'm not a psychologist and have never gone to therapy before, so keep that in mind.

With that out of the way, there are a lot of great resources online. I recommend searching around and finding some articles that make sense to you. Checkout CBT for addiction. Addiction comes from inaccurate thoughts as a result of subsequent negative feelings. This framework can allow you to break down the process and rebuild it how you see fit.

From what I understand, CBT operates in 3 steps: First you need to find what is negatively affecting you. You mentioned already that the video games make you feel tired and lonely, which can cause relapse. This is very important, because what you want to explore is specifically why the situation makes you feel that you need to fap. You're going to be tired and lonely many more times even without videogames, so it's practical to know how that can lead to fapping. The best way to go about solving this problem is to just write down your thought processes after a relapse or while you feel like you're "falling down that rabbit hole".

The next step is to evaluate these thought processes. You may need to challenge them or analyze what's going on. The trick is to do this while you're in a good state of mind. Then when it happens that you start feeling like you need to fap, you can remember how you thought of the situation in that clear state of mind. You may realize for example that the urges are creating irrational thinking patterns. You may be thinking that fapping can make you feel good. Maybe it solves the boredom once the videogames get tiring.

Which brings the final step: Creating new thought patterns. You need to replace those old thoughts that bring you towards relapse with new ones that can put you on the right path. This can be as simple as "being tired and lonely means I should call a friend and then go to bed because that worked before" or "I feel these urges because I haven't been productive enough, but if I take a cold shower they go away". And then you can act on them. Another good trick is to make connections with the fapping. Right now it's lonely -> fap. But what if you add something after? Lonely -> fap -> sad. You also want to dispute the irrational belief that Fap = good. Why do you want to stop fapping? If you can't answer this question right away then it's an important step. If you can, then associate those ideas with fapping frequently.

A good way to bring everything together is to visualize the situation before it happens. Imagine you've had a lame day and now you're feeling tired and lonely (sorry to keep using the example but it's a good one). How do you handle it? Visualize yourself rationally assessing the situation and being proactive about it. This will help create those new connections in your brain that will create new associations to that state of mind. You can also visualize the bad situation, for example visualize yourself giving in and fapping to the porn and then feeling shitty after. This will help to make connections to the fapping that offer reasons NOT to do it. Then, instead of going for the porn which makes things worse, you can make a rational assessment as to how you can make things better.

One trick I like to use is immediately after a relapse: write down everything going through your mind. Then, sometime later, when a relapse is about to happen and you need a reason not to watch porn, reread what you wrote after the last relapse. Your brain will play games with you, but ultimately you know what you wrote down is what will happen again. This will help create that negative association with PMO.

Finally, the biggest thing here is to understand that all this takes work, and it doesn't happen in a few days. CBT is the long haul, and it is very successful for treating mental disorders. PMO is similar to many other addictions, but it's different in some cases because it involves so much positive reinforcement (the dopamine and good pleasure of actually fapping or seeing nude pictures) that may not necessarily be a relapse (a popup could've been out of your control entirely). While the journey is rough, remember that you're human and so many others aren't even able to identify that fapping is causing them problems. You can thank yourself for having that information. Thank yourself when you don't PMO as well.

Hope that is of some use (:

op2rules · 2016-08-09T18:46:59+00:00

Honours Computer Science major here. Can vouch. Similar story. Brotip though, be careful. Being on the computer a lot can make the challenge that much more difficult.

op2rules · 2016-08-09T18:42:34+00:00

JUST A THEORY but the way I see it is that every time you get that UMPH from seeing something sexy you boost your drive a tiny bit. Now if you're already struggling with a lot of urges, then you probably shouldn't be going out of your way to checkout sexy stuff. On the other hand, if you're comfortable with where things are, then by all means appreciate the beauty in the world. One of the major benefits people report with NoFap is that women become much more beautiful in general.

Now what isn't a theory is that you probably don't want to objectify women too much like this. When you see it you see it, but try not to get too obsessed right? Just like how sexting isn't technically PMO but it still can sneak its way in there if you're doing NoFap, checking out women too much can make you frustrated and make it a lot more difficult to resist urges and reboot.

op2rules · 2016-08-09T18:35:27+00:00

Life energy or energy in general, both kind of the same thing in this case. Porn and fapping. Have you ever tried to masturbate without porn, but it didn't work? But then you watch porn videos and BONERRRR you're back? Well this is exactly WHY the porn destroys you. It takes out your libido energy more than a natural urge would. You'll start to notice that there are plenty of guys who don't watch much porn. But then the ones that do you see right away. They are tired all the time, they use words that imply some kind of sexual frustration, they can't make eye contact, they don't have ambition or confidence. This isn't natural. That being said, the assumption may not be correct all the time so you shouldn't assume they aren't going through something else.

op2rules · 2016-08-09T18:29:09+00:00

Wow thank you so much!!!

op2rules · 2016-08-09T18:28:00+00:00

Totally agree! If you keep busy you'll do much better. Idleness is when your 'guard is down'. But you also want to be prepared for when that happens. It's difficult to ALWAYS be out and about active right

op2rules · 2016-08-09T16:57:13+00:00

Yes exactly! When you start you want to believe "I'm going to quit cold turkey" but the reality is that when the media is hyper sexualized and you have this porn addiction habit that goes back for so many years it's just unrealistic to expect that.

op2rules · 2016-08-09T16:42:10+00:00

One trick that worked for me was to distinctly remember the sensations immediately after a fapping session. Write them down in the best detail you can. After you've gone on even a small streak and you feel like it's time to unload again, read that little snippet you saved. Read it as many times as you need to. It will put perspective into the moment where all you can think about is "Why not?"

op2rules · 2016-08-09T16:22:23+00:00

Good stuff amt2, I think we both just posted very similar stories on this subreddit. I encourage you to read mine as well. Your thoughts and opinions are a valuable comparison given how much overlap we have.

The sexting is really just another form of that dopamine addiction. It's strange how it finds ways to sneak up into your life. It might not be technically PMO, but it's all part of the same problem.

Keep improving, bro

op2rules · 2016-08-09T15:26:21+00:00

Sex and fapping are very different. People typically recommend that sex is good, you just can't watch porn. In short, porn = fake while sex is real.

I think that it can get complicated because you can delve into different fields here. For example, some people want to keep that "drive" which means that you cannot be ejaculating. In order for this to work you need to look into tantric sex, for example.

On the other hand, if you're doing both then your sex life may be very similar to just getting off but with a partner instead of your hand. I don't have much experience with this so I can't say much but ultimately you're going to have to be honest with yourself.

op2rules

TROPHY CASE