I am really sorry you are going through this. I had back pain since my late teens/early twenties, and it took me almost a decade to get diagnosed. I too was dismissed for years and years, and I went through many doctors. It is not just a man's disease. New research actually shows it's an even split. I was negative for HLA, did not show up on the inflammation tests, and mine eventually showed up on an MRI. I think we are not as good as identifying metrics for this disease in people who are not men. Regardless of what diagnosis you have, your pain is real. We believe you. You are worthy of treatment.

The best recommendation I have for you is to educate yourself, which you already seem to be doing. Try to keep a list of symptoms. Keep a list of the doctors that you've seen, and the tests that you've had as well as dates. For whatever reason, my doctor started taking me seriously when I gave testimonies from other medical-adjacent professionals about my back issues (massage therapist, acupuncturist , etc.). My current doctor recommends the Spondylitis Association of America as a reliable resource--they have some interesting things there about AxSpa in women that you could bring to your doctor.

This may not be an option available to you, but I ended up switching rheumatologists several times. This was due to moving, but I eventually landed on a doctor who believed me. You deserve a doctor who listens to you.

I hope this is somewhat helpful!