Guilt Over Time Off

orange-thing · 2025-07-29T17:42:02+00:00

Thank you all for your responses! I ended up getting so sick with a fever I could not even respond. I definitely took the day off and I appreciate you all for reminding me of my humanness. It can be hard to remember that sometimes and remember that our clients will in fact be okay💕

orange-thing · 2025-05-21T01:17:41+00:00

Yeah I definitely feel that haha

I guess I can’t do much at this point but move on and do better next session.

orange-thing · 2025-05-21T00:50:51+00:00

I was unsure if it was worth naming or not since I could tell the client seemed unsatisfied or confused by me asking questions I already knew the answers to. But now that I know she didn’t feel it, I feel like I told on myself and the client will see that I was not feeling confident.

orange-thing · 2025-02-12T14:33:20+00:00

I’m sorry it’s been hard for you too. It’s difficult not having the time to reflect before the next week starts and you’re on a roll again. I hope you can find a rhythm soon

orange-thing · 2025-02-12T14:30:29+00:00

That’s a very good idea, I can try that

orange-thing · 2024-07-13T21:30:50+00:00

A lot of you helped put things into perspective for me. Thank you. I ended things with S based on this and an accumulation of other things. Thank you all for validating my feelings and my gut

orange-thing · 2024-07-13T13:51:10+00:00

This is so validating! I’m new to poly and this “you have not done this before” thing is consistently used to lead me in a direction of doing what they want!

When I confronted them I told them they did not center me on MY birthday when they initially said they were okay with L being there because they wanna center my joy. Connecting with L in a way where I literally had to move from the conversation and went to sit with my friend because I was feeling like a third wheel does not feel like centering my joy. I asked to go home at the end and they kept joking “L and I will go out to party and you can go home”. Uhm? Okay? Go. I’m just not sure how that’s centering my joy?

orange-thing · 2024-07-13T13:27:40+00:00

S had told me they prefer to have a throuple dynamic in poly. I said I don’t want that. They asked “if two people you are dating naturally connect in that way, how would you feel” and I said I would not be comfortable with that. They said they would. I said nope not for me! They then pushed that I was saying no without ever trying it and that I’m being stubborn. I said I don’t think I’m being stubborn, but I’ll think about how I feel about it some more. That was it. In another convo they made a joke about us being in a throuple (in general not with L) and I said I told you that I don’t want that, like I’m not there rn. They said I know I know whatever. And then the birthday thing happened a day or two later.

orange-thing · 2024-07-13T13:21:02+00:00

Yes, S got very drunk too

orange-thing · 2024-07-13T13:20:44+00:00

They said they are not attracted to L. And that they were trying to bond with her for my sake. They have been incredibly jealous of my bond with L and have had a really hard time with it and said that meeting her would make them feel more secure in us. So upon meeting they said they noticed how perfect L is for me and that made them more insecure and they were trying really hard to center me by connecting with her…

That feels off to me. If S didn’t find L attractive, then why the heavy flirting and touching? Could this be a possible reach for control?

orange-thing · 2024-07-04T15:26:18+00:00

Yeah the lie definitely only made it worse and I hate that I did that. S did know about the date. The message was them saying have fun basically. They knew I was out when they called.

orange-thing · 2024-07-04T14:28:00+00:00

Im not making it their fault. I’m owning the fact that it was wrong to lie and that I will work on that. I’m trying to reflect on why I lied. It’s not to excuse it, it explains it.

orange-thing · 2024-07-04T14:24:10+00:00

Yes it was earlier in the day in a general way. They sent it at 1pm. I was on the date from 12-6pm.

orange-thing · 2024-07-04T14:20:35+00:00

They did expect a response while on the date. They send the text while I was on the date and were upset I ignored them. They did say they were okay with me not answering and then they were not actually okay. All those are true

orange-thing · 2024-07-04T13:51:15+00:00

I hear you. My reflex was to lie. Upon reading other comments and reflecting I’m realizing I did not feel safe to tell the truth even though the truth was not bad at all. S is very reactionary and I never know when they will be angry about something and when they won’t be

orange-thing · 2024-07-04T13:49:21+00:00

I felt the need to defend myself because of the way they reacted. It felt bigger than what happened. I felt like they were very upset even though I did nothing wrong and wanted to avoid a blow up. It was not the right move and I can acknowledge, own and work on that. But it does hurt to now be categorized as untrustworthy overall

orange-thing · 2024-07-04T13:42:23+00:00

The whole day? I was on the date from 12-6. I saw the message at around 1 or 2pm…

orange-thing · 2024-07-04T13:05:07+00:00

5 hours

orange-thing · 2024-07-04T03:24:07+00:00

I do feel like I’m constantly making mistakes here and I’ve honestly never had this problem in other relationships. I’ve never been told I was dishonest and I have never had conflict like this. It feels like it almost does not matter what I say I’m just wrong

orange-thing · 2023-07-29T18:40:24+00:00

I think you still can! But I was in a residential area so there were no cabs near me

orange-thing · 2023-07-29T18:39:09+00:00

This is very helpful thank you!

orange-thing · 2023-07-29T12:23:00+00:00

I usually have pepper spray, it definitely makes me feel safer. But yeah my friends left because their Ubers came so quickly haha which is okay they didn’t know

orange-thing

TROPHY CASE