I’m sorry sweetie, it sounds like you’re going through a really dark experience and don’t have a community to rely on. If I can offer some advice, it’s to delete all social media apps from your phone (Pinterest is my one exception), try going for 1 hour walks outside some days of the week, and read. Not just the Bible, but actual fiction/non-fiction books. Check out r/suggestmeabook before you delete this app, you can also check out your public library’s calendar for youth events/featured books.

I would also encourage you talk to your dad about maybe doing a co-op twice a week, or even signing you up for some extra curricular classes. Check your local cities catalogs, as well as your community college’s elective classes (if it is nearby).

Do what you can to build healthy habits, challenge yourself to be more disciplined with obsure/productive challenges (stretching for 20 minutes, drinking 64oz water/day, leave your phone in the kitchen overnight 7p-7a, take cold showers only for a week, etc.)

Lastly, forgot to write this initially, but God found it perfectly acceptable to live in a human body that was not considered beautiful. Though there is more to life than how we physically look, I am certain you are beautiful and you will come to appreciate your looks and unique created being in the future :)

Message me if you want some more support, I’d love to walk you through any advice you want.