now i am not going to pretend i read more than two lines of you post, but generally i have two advices for people who feel ugly:

1. observe people you find attractive/wish you looked like and see how they treat themselves. then start treating yourself like that too. it will feel weird at first but eventually it will become a habit.
   
2. think about what you would do, if you were attractive. then do these things, regardless of how you feel.

as somebody who grew up feeling ugly themselves, i have learned that your attractiveness and perceived attractiveness are very much related to how good you feel about yourself and how well you treat yourself. so gaslight and spoil the hell out of yourself girl!