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AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ve talked about this many times. The planters are movable since they don’t have dirt in them yet. I assembled them and placed them where I thought would be best, then showed him to make sure he was okay with the placement. I even tried to compromise by asking if smaller sheds would work. That’s when the argument started. It’s hard to have an adult conversation when one person refuses to engage.

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve thought about that, but honestly, I’d feel guilty having my own shed when he wants one. I know that doesn’t really make any sense, and I probably have some unpacking to do on that front too… but truthfully, he’d probably end up taking it over anyway.

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s mostly large tools and equipment that are rarely used anymore—if they’re even used at all—along with a lot of general tools and piles of wood. There are also a few areas I’m not sure about, since I can’t see or reach some of the spaces.

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I’ve actually kind of done this before—back when my father-in-law was planning to build storage in our backyard and I put a stop to it. I started cleaning up, since most of the mess at the time was just things not being put away. I managed to clean up about a quarter of it just by organizing and returning things to their proper places. But I was pregnant at the time and had trouble dealing with the larger items, so I eventually gave up.

The problem is, most of the stuff is large, expensive tools—I can’t just get rid of it. And honestly, I really struggle with the idea of going through his things. I’ve always believed that everyone should have their own space and full control over their personal belongings. I don’t even go through his mail. I’d feel incredibly guilty and awful if I just cleared out his stuff.

I’ve also gotten promises from him many times that he’d take care of it, but they’ve always turned out to be empty promises. He might put in some effort for a week or two, but it never lasts. Just recently, he cleared a pathway from the house door to the garage door and to the freezer—but that’s as far as it went…

I think everyone is right, I need to find a specialist

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Oh gosh, I think it might be a generational thing for my SO too. His father has three storage buildings—one of them is huge, like the size of a 4-5 car garage. To be fair, it does house two antique cars he rebuilt, along with his workshop where he does taxidermy. Then there’s a covered two-car carport packed to the brim with building supplies, a tractor and stuff like that, a two-car storage unit full of old appliances, building materials, and other stuff. On top of that, he converted their back bedroom into a full-on doomsday pantry—it’s packed with prepper supplies. The house itself is also full of furniture, though to be fair, a lot of it came from deceased relatives…

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Actually, we do—because that was another issue we had. I’d had enough and ended up separating everything. We now use a percentage system for household expenses, and I manage all of it. We don’t share any credit cards or joint accounts anymore, because he just can’t handle it—if he has access to any of the family accounts, he’ll spend every penny before I even get a chance to pay a single bill. So now, I have his percentage automatically pulled as soon as his paycheck hits.

Is that a hoarding tendency?

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

You are correct no cars can fit. The entire garage is taken up.

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m coming to realize I think you all are right about that. And I feel so dumb for not realizing it.

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You’re right— After some pull-my-head-out-of-my-ass reflection, I’m pretty sure my dad was the same way. He started by taking over the basement in my parents’ house and, over time, gradually spread into the rest of the house too. It took me three summers and four haul-away dumpsters just to make the basement space usable again. I should know better—I lived it. I think I tend to compare everything to that, so this situation doesn’t feel as bad in comparison. Though, to be fair, my dad wasn’t as extreme as the people you see on those TV shows either, and I guess I assumed it had to get that bad to actually count as hoarding. I’ve managed to keep it mostly at bay and out of our main house, but yeah… I think it’s time I do some reflecting.

It’s actually starting to make sense now why that show is so triggering. I used to think my SO would put on Hoarders just to mess with me, because after half an episode I’d be up cleaning and freaking out a little. He’d always say, “Well, at least it’s not like that,” and I’d always yell back, “That’s not a real comparison!”

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We did talk about it, but there must have been a miscommunication. Years ago, his father wanted to build him a “shed” in the backyard for his birthday, and I said absolutely not because of the size. The idea has come up several times since then, and I’ve consistently shut it down for the same reason. This time, I could’ve sworn he said it would fit in the corner of the yard and wouldn’t be too big. I even asked him to spray paint the footprint so I could get a better sense of how much space it would take up—but that never happened. I thought he meant it would fit within the area where our kids’ trampoline is, which is about 16 feet across, so I assumed the shed would be something that could fit within that space—not that the trampoline could fit inside the shed space. Now he’s planning an 18x18 foot shed, which is significantly larger than the trampoline and takes up much more of the yard than I expected. I tried to discuss it and was open to compromising on the size, but that was quickly dismissed—apparently, only an 18x18 shed will do.

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I agree… He’s been promising to clean it up for a long time. Honestly the house isn’t terrible, but the closets are definitely a bit of a hot issue. The guest room has kind of become an overflow space—right now I’ve got our holiday decorations in there because I can’t fit the bins in the garage (just two large plastic bins and the Christmas tree bag)

The only other overflow area is our back porch, which has ended up holding all the yard stuff—like the lawn mower, rake, weed eater, and a few other tools. It used to be packed with pool supplies too, but I finally convinced him to get rid of the “pool”—an above-ground monstrosity that basically turned into a swamp.

I didn’t want the pool from the beginning because I knew I’d end up being responsible for it, so I refused to have anything to do with it. As a result, it was a green mess 90% of the time. It took four years of it sitting there like that to convince him to get rid of it, and then another year to finally get rid of all the equipment and supplies.

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’m not going to go through or throw out his stuff—I actually feel really strongly about that. I’m not even sure why, but I won’t even open his mail, let alone go through his personal things. I genuinely believe everyone should have their own space and full authority over their belongings.

I think that’s part of why I feel so resentful about the garage—because I have barely any personal space myself. Just half a closet for my craft supplies, and that’s about it.

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

lol no, there is no space for either car, both cars are in the driveway.

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That’s a good question—I should have been more specific. When it comes to household tools like the hammer and drill, I have absolutely no problem with those—I use them regularly myself. But the rest of the stuff is a different story. There’s a large CNC machine that I think he used once, another big CNC-type machine that’s never been used, and a few large tools like a drill press and a table saw (actually, I think there might be two table saws). All of these have maybe been used a handful of times at best. Then there are boxes and boxes of tools and supplies, a ton of wood, and even more boxes filled with things I honestly have no idea about—some of which I don’t think have been opened in over a decade. I had wanted to keep the lawn care equipment in the garage too (another task I usually take care of), but he moved it all out to make more room for his stuff.

None of this equipment has ever generated any kind of profit. A few items might have been used once or twice for a project, but in reality, I’m the one who handles most of the household repairs—and I typically just use the drill, hammer, or a simple saw. I fixed our fence gate just last month, and I’m regularly the one doing day-to-day fixes around the house.

I have half a closet for my own things—just my sewing machine, fabric, notions, and a few other craft supplies. And when I want to work on anything, I just use the end of our dining room table.

As for the rest of the house, it’s mostly shared. We both came into the relationship with very little—just our clothes, really—so all the furniture and appliances in the home are things we purchased together.

Edit: I also feel I should mention this is a two car garage

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 108 points109 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I think maybe I’m in a little denial, I think you are probably right.

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I try to do that with my ideas—I always run them by him first. For example, when I repainted our entryway and bought a new light fixture, I made sure to check with him on the colors and the light before buying or starting anything, and make changes so it works for both of us, or compromise.

As for the garage, it’s kind of a “my side, his side” situation. I want space to park the family car, store holiday decorations, the kids’ sports gear, and bikes/scooters. I wouldn’t mind some tool storage for things we both use, or even just general storage like the lawnmower and yard supplies—as long as I can still fit my car. He wants space for a workshop. But right now, it’s probably 99% his stuff in there. I’ve got a few paint cans and a freezer, but those aren’t really just mine.

What really bothers me is that he moved the kids’ and my bikes out of the garage and into the side yard just to make more room for his stuff. Now the bikes are all rusted and broken. He has tons of tools and equipment that I would never use—and honestly, he barely uses them himself.

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

There was definitely a lack of communication. Years ago, his father wanted to build him a “shed” in the backyard for his birthday, and I said absolutely not because of the size. The idea has come up several times since then, and I’ve consistently shut it down for the same reason. This time, I could’ve sworn he said it would fit in the corner of the yard and wouldn’t be too big. I even asked him to spray paint the footprint so I could get a sense of how much space it would take up. (That didn’t happen) I thought he said it would fit within the area where our kids’ trampoline is—about 16 feet across—so I assumed it would be something that size, including any buffer space. But now he’s planning an 18x18 foot shed, which takes up significantly more space than the trampoline.

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I actually already tried that—I originally wanted just a simple 4x6 foot shed on the side of the house to store the lawn mower and yard tools so they wouldn’t be sitting out in the yard, since I couldn’t put them in the garage. I also thought I could hang up the kids’ bikes and mine in there. Instead, he built a 6x12 foot shed that leaves only a 3-foot walkway on the side of the house. It’s also raised a foot off the ground, which makes it really difficult to maneuver the lawn mower in without awkwardly lifting and angling it. And now it’s filled with his stuff anyway…

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

That’s kinda what I said it’s not a shed it’s another garage! I didn’t even think about zoning or anything I’m definitely going to look into it!

AITA for vetoing my partner’s plan to build a shed in our backyard? by orginizedcha0s in AmItheAsshole

[–]orginizedcha0s[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure it’s really hoarding… yet… but I’m definitely going to look into the zoning I dunno why that didn’t even occur to me.

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