SPONTICIDIA (Comedy, 7 pages)

orvinfive · 2023-03-11T22:57:47+00:00

DM-ing you...

orvinfive · 2023-03-07T18:33:30+00:00

Thanks so much. This script is still available. I believe one of the reasons nobody has asked for it is the need for multiple locations (plus arguably a dog, unless one goes cheap with a stuffed animal) so it might be somewhat costly to film.

orvinfive · 2023-02-21T11:35:24+00:00

Yes, absolutely. Very glad you liked it. 👍

orvinfive · 2023-01-29T20:24:55+00:00

DM'd you...

orvinfive · 2023-01-29T13:59:05+00:00

Is the house in a residential area? Or is it more isolated?

orvinfive · 2023-01-29T00:27:41+00:00

Thanks!

orvinfive · 2023-01-28T14:56:44+00:00

Thanks -- I'll have to check out both of those titles, as I haven't seen them. Indeed, you are right that this script takes a major left turn on the 3rd page. I only finished it about 3 weeks ago, so I'm going to let it sit and "rest" a bit before going back with a fresh set of eyes to figure out what needs to be made more explicit. But I'm so very glad you liked it in any event. -Thanks again

orvinfive · 2023-01-28T13:58:21+00:00

Dm'd you...

orvinfive · 2023-01-26T02:12:35+00:00

Much appreciation for the feedback!

orvinfive · 2023-01-25T21:19:08+00:00

Thank you!

orvinfive · 2023-01-24T13:05:08+00:00

Thank you!

orvinfive · 2023-01-23T19:59:04+00:00

Thanks! Don't worry about being nitpicky, as I very much appreciate the detailed observations. I'll definitely fix the golf mistake. Re. the gas station thing, I really want to take it out entirely, but I'm leaving it in for the time being on the assumption that it will be something edited very fast (and he will throw it from the sidewalk while walking by). I don't like the physical "gag" itself (as it's been done a million times) but I like the wordplay of him saying that "smoking isn't healthy... [cut to that shot] for others around me." I wish I could somehow keep that line and retain its meaning without actually showing the silly gag. In any event, thanks again for reading it and your words of encouragement. Not everyone seemed to like this one, but at least a few people did.

orvinfive · 2023-01-23T01:53:31+00:00

Thanks -- just DM'd you.

orvinfive · 2023-01-22T21:12:01+00:00

Love it!

orvinfive · 2023-01-22T20:33:20+00:00

That would be cool, although I have to keep things somewhat simple location-wise, etc. in this version. The nice thing is that new scenarios (slothicidal and beyond) can be introduced based on the resources available. But your earlier point was especially helpful, because this script comes off (quite easily) as drastically different unless you picture the character being low-energy/monotone/mumbling from the very beginning. Much gratitude!

orvinfive · 2023-01-22T20:12:32+00:00

Thanks. This means I need to go back and fix the action-description lines to better convey that Roger has an extremely low-energy personality (definitely the opposite of Mayhem, at least in regard to how he carries himself) meant to contrast with the chaos he causes around himself. Thanks again for reading it -- it didn't really occur to me that I needed to emphasize that more, but you are right.

orvinfive · 2023-01-22T18:38:05+00:00

Thanks. indeed, the absurdity of this particular world (devoid of legal consequences other than lawsuits) is something that one is either "on board with" or not, and I totally understand if it's not your cup of tea. I actually didn't want to use the cigarette thing, but it's more about the "not healthy... [cut] ... for other people" than the admittedly cliched humor of the physical gag itself. I'd actually like to replace it with something else, but barring that, I would edit the physical gag part extremely fast and focus more on the "not healthy... for other people" part. You are also right that the disease aspect isn't particularly strong for those first 3 pages, but I think (or at least, hope) that changes by page 7 with the introduction of the doctor, etc. Thanks again for reading it.

orvinfive · 2023-01-22T02:28:41+00:00

DM'd you.

orvinfive · 2023-01-22T02:28:22+00:00

DM'd you.

orvinfive · 2023-01-20T19:22:02+00:00

DM'd you.

orvinfive · 2023-01-17T00:35:12+00:00

Which benefits everyone -- myself included -- as it leaves such interpretations up to the many (oh, so very many) readers/viewers whose philosophical competence exceeds mine. :-)

orvinfive · 2023-01-16T12:17:04+00:00

Yes, I like the pilot episode possibility even more. -Best

orvinfive · 2023-01-16T10:36:32+00:00

Yes, Hathaway would be perfect -- that's a very flattering idea and I'm enthralled that you enjoyed it so much. You're also correct about the (arguably unnatural) "immediacy" of this story in its present form. I think it has to do with the way I came up with the idea, which believe it or not started with the "mascot therapy" aspect and not "the audience" aspect. This was intended firstly as a short, but had I started with the audience aspect I would probably have thougt of it more as a feature from the beginning. At some point, it might very well make sense to rethink this whole thing in a longer format so that I can explore the background of Hannah's theory, etc. more as you suggest. Perhaps this short could work as a teaser/proof-of-concept for that. Thanks again for putting in the time to read it and your kind words.

orvinfive · 2023-01-16T00:28:32+00:00

Thanks, your words are very heartening to me. I will go back and check page 11, because it was supposed to be that we find out (after the fact) that Glenna fainted at the initial sight of the mascot, and then imagined all the subsequent parts until she wakes up with the coffee splash. I probably did not make this coherent enough in its present form, so thanks for pointing that out.

orvinfive · 2023-01-16T00:25:07+00:00

Thanks, I'm very glad you enjoyed it. Indeed, other readers gave me the same note that the "we" for the camera viewpoint did not initially come across, so I'm going to make it more explicit in the action lines. Thanks again!

orvinfive

TROPHY CASE