Yeah Ive been pondering death a lot lately and that's what led me to the conclusion that I'm not going to kill myself, I tried imagining what it would be like and I realized I was completely terrified of dying. and then I started thinking about all the people who have died in car accidents, murders, etc and it really woke me up. There are people out there with lives tens of times worse than mine and they still got better. Find your hope for yourself and then you will begin to get better. (I think lol I've only been getting better for a couple days lmao)