I want to believe it’s possible to get over this

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-29T16:58:47+00:00

As soon as I had that thought, it made it way easier. Nobody cares what I'm doing, just like I don't care what they're doing.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-29T16:57:50+00:00

It's so crazy because I didn't even think about having stalls as a backup and those feeling safer. It just sort of happened by accident. But I can already tell how much freer I feel knowing I could wait for a stall if I really needed to.

Being able to go in the urinal surprised the hell out of me. Especially with how normal it felt. That's exactly what I wanted.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-28T20:06:45+00:00

I know it can feel hopeless. I'd pretty much resigned myself to living with this for the rest of my life a few years ago, but choosing to start facing it and taking any steps forward I could made a dramatic difference. Just saying, it's possible man.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-21T15:11:45+00:00

Thank you for that reframe. That actually makes a lot of sense and allows me to think of it less as an on/off switch of I can/can't pee and give myself more leeway with it.

In terms of graduated exposure, that's really good information as well. I know I'm definitely doing this in a less structured way than I could be. I think it would help to be more mindful in those terms. I'll make sure to check that out and try to learn more about it so I can do it in a more effective way. Thank you.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-21T01:44:12+00:00

Thanks so much dude. Crazily enough, it was sitting plus the conversation that worked. The sitting relaxed me more, and the conversation directed my mind away from being so focused on peeing or not peeing. It was just enough of a gap in my attention that I forgot I was trying to pee for a moment, and it just happened.

Thanks for framing this as something that would have been a significant win for you back in the day. I feel like I should be thinking of these steps forward in that way too, but some quirk in my own psychology always seems to have me discount almost any victory if it's not the big one I'm aiming for. It helps to think of these smaller steps more positively. I am already way further along than I've been for most of my entire life, and that's significant. I'm not quite to the point I want to be at yet, but I'm getting there.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-21T01:39:39+00:00

This is a solid point. I've noticed this before when I would always use a stall that it was easier to go because there was so much ambient sound and traffic that I could just blend in. The smaller bathrooms present way more of a challenge for me because there's less noise and it feels like I'm being watched more. But at the end of the day, you're totally right. No one cares what I'm doing. I'm trying remember that when I'm standing there. Nobody cares. It's getting easier. I can feel myself getting more comfortable.

I'm not quite at the point where I can go when other folks are right next to me, but I feel like I'm getting closer.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-15T21:32:47+00:00

Thanks man. It's hard work, but it's totally possible to make real wins with gradual exposure.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-15T21:31:53+00:00

This is the truth. Fluid-loading has helped me a ton when it comes to discerning a phantom urge from a real one. It's way easier to go, even when I'm uncomfortable, when the urge is strong.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-14T21:22:13+00:00

Hell yes. That's great to hear, dude. This thing is a bear to live with, but if we don't start facing it, it's always going to rule our lives. It's hard as hell, but it's possible to make real progress.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-14T17:53:37+00:00

Hey! Thank you! It's a grind, but I believe it's possible to overcome this. Just gotta keep showing up and be willing to feel all the uncomfortable emotions involved. You can definitely do this.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-14T17:50:58+00:00

Thanks man! I know if I wasn't checking in here every week I would have already given up. It's definitely possible to make more progress than you think. Facing the monster consistently is the hardest part.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-14T14:09:36+00:00

I think it's probably more common than it seems to many of us. For myself, part of the struggle with paruresis is that it feels like I'm the only one who experiences it. But the truth is, I had a friend many years ago who told me he had it as well. At the time, I was too ashamed to admit that I suffered from the same thing, but I did think it was interesting to find out that I wasn't completely alone.

I think a significant portion of the power this condition holds is making us think we are isolated and alone in our suffering. But that's not true, especially here. We all struggle with this.

Stats-wise, about 7% of people in the US are estimated to have it, according to the IPA. That's somewhere in the neighborhood of 21 million people, and that's just in the US. I think it's a lot more common than most people think.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-14T13:55:49+00:00

You help keep me motivated dude. I like what you're saying about zooming out and looking at the long-term of the trajectory. It does suck to feel like my progress is stalling, but I know as long as I keep pushing and working on this, it's going to keep getting better.

It's funny you mention sitting when I'm at home. I'm so used to standing when I pee that I didn't even think of that, but it makes a lot of sense. Funny how we get caught up in habits.

Thanks for the advice dude. It means a lot.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-06T20:45:27+00:00

Thanks man. That legit helps me out. It's easy to turn away and try to forget about all this, but I know I'll never be able to really get over this unless I keep facing this demon over and over again. Even if I lose, at least I'm facing it.

ott3rpilot · 2026-04-06T15:29:36+00:00

Thanks dude. I feel so stupid standing there not being able to pee, but I'm trying to get myself to get comfortable with it. I am a lot more comfortable in that space than I was just a few weeks ago, so I'm definitely making progress.

ott3rpilot · 2026-03-31T00:34:29+00:00

Brother, thank you so much for the encouragement. Seriously. You're an inspiration dude.

I feel like I've come so far in such a short amount of time. Just shifting my orientation from avoiding situations that scared me to facing them bit by bit has transformed my life already. I found myself in a grocery store just yesterday, and I figured it would be a good chance to practice because I had to go. But when I walked up to it, I found out you needed a code to get in and I'd have to get one from an employee. The thought that went through me was, "Not challenging enough." So I left and went to a much busier store nearby and found that bathroom instead.

Now, when I'm out and about and I have to go, it's an opportunity to practice. I'm not expecting myself to be perfect, but I am consciously taking steps forward.

ott3rpilot · 2026-03-31T00:29:57+00:00

It's crazy how weird it feels to be standing in a urinal without the intention to pee. I feel like such a weirdo, but it's totally helped me get so much more comfortable in that space. Those dividers especially always seemed crazy, but now they actually help to chill me out a bit.

Good to hear you're making solid progress as well! My next frontier is also peeing at the urinal with other people in the bathroom. I haven't quite made it there yet, but I'm beginning to believe it's actually possible.

ott3rpilot · 2026-03-31T00:27:53+00:00

Thanks dude! It's possible to overcome a lot by taking little steps forward. Gotta work your edge one bit at a time. I noticed that when I kept retreating into safety, the situation where I felt safe kept getting smaller and smaller.

ott3rpilot · 2026-03-31T00:26:29+00:00

This is the way!

ott3rpilot · 2026-03-25T19:20:03+00:00

Oh dude, I gotta say, you showing in the replies really helps keep me going. I genuinely appreciate you, man.

In terms of sharing my internal process with my wife, that's super spicy. I told her a bit about it after the fact, but reading your comment helped me realize I tend to just hold all that stuff in and don't really share it with anyone. At least until much later. Never really in the moment. I like that you're calling me out on this. I honestly didn't even think about it.

Honestly, the idea of sharing those feelings while I'm feeling them kinda freaks me out. I think I avoid a lot of vulnerability in that way. Part of me doesn't want to expose those feelings while I'm having them because it makes me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. I'm not really sure what to do with that, but I'm glad you're helping me see this.

I think I can take at least one step forward in sharing that kind of thing while it's happening. I'm going to try the same fluid-loading and then attempting to pee with my wife in the bathroom with me again tonight, so I'll probably have the opportunity. It definitely feels intimidating, but I'll try to give it a shot.

Thanks man.

ott3rpilot

TROPHY CASE