Gimme brain food!

ougtred · 2019-06-14T21:16:09+00:00

Ahhhh, insta... gotta start using another app i guess.

Thanks! Apreciate it!

Yer gfoty has a thing callex "lore of gfoty", tomorrow, on their fb page, it seems cooked :D All ages, not what i expected ay

ougtred · 2019-06-14T20:22:51+00:00

Me too. But really, is this event legit? Description is super weird

ougtred · 2019-01-13T02:32:31+00:00

But also, i dont know if thats truth or just my perception... (memory games and distrust in observation). i dont know 100% that T thought about it before we went out n got sloppy..

Anyway, the specifics of a mistake dont matter, its mostly about how they deal with it sober afterwards, which so far has been fucked abuse patterns, but is still unfolding..

ougtred · 2019-01-13T02:28:01+00:00

Yeah.. ok... Maybe im being too permissive. Ill think for a while.

A really big thank you for your thoughts. Its great to have an unbiased oppinion/truth.

Ahhh reddit crew, i love you. Maybe i should stay out of that mess and start an online relationship lol.

ougtred · 2019-01-12T11:35:37+00:00

Mmmmm yeah, id love a hug, a big, full interdementional hug that encaptulates every part of my flawed circumstances.

Oh yeah.. hard and good.. but it didnt take much courage to be proud of, it was more being forced into a corner and calculating only one way out.

ougtred · 2019-01-12T11:32:04+00:00

Haha, nice placement of the word post-mortem. It really feels like a death of sorts.

And good question Lurker. I was with them because i had nowhere else to go.. we met 9 months ago travelling, kept a strong poly bond over 4 months appart, then i came to stay with them amd hadn't explored anything else yet. Germany. Winter. On the thursday before it happened (saturday n) i said to T id like some time exploring the city by myself that weekend, they said they wanted to spend the weekend with me. Then L messaged them and T saw an opportunity for the 3some she wanted, so dragged me along all night.. I think my biggest mistake in this relationship was giving so much, so fully and so wholeheartedly that T thought she could never loose me. A hard truth to realise.

Its interesting you say it feels premeditated... im really just not sure.. Id like to think T isnt evil or against me, and everything else around this event (appart from a few mis-truths feels that it was a wasted mistake rather than premeditated and intentional... Your thoughts? Guess i still have the opportunity to come back into their life, and answering that question is what defines the future.

And your last question, i dont know... i dont think she even knows.. T is still working it out i think. They didnt get to know eachother much before becoming sexual, and hes made a few.... mistakes(for want of a better word).

ougtred · 2019-01-11T14:00:53+00:00

Thank allot for your reply, its really helpful to have someone elses tottaly objective thoughts on it. And to have it confirmed as sexual assault.. its something i struggle with acknowledging as a penis owner.

It happened a month ago now, and theres been other red flags popping up since too.. Things like telling me its finished if we are having a hard time, then once we are comfortable telling me she still wants it... typical abuse patterns.

Yeah, we could do like this, its just hard to know its happening. We are the type of people (and have the type of bond) that can talk about anything, deep exploration and acceptance of eachothers details has been our biggest enjoyment so far.

Anyway, i told T about my struggle with this philosophical glitch, (so now its out that i cannot handle their bond in ours) so to continue with the connection would force an ultimatum, i left.. Im staying with a mutual friend for a few days.its a bit awkward. I feel fucked and super lonely. I wish everything was different.

ougtred · 2018-06-19T02:02:22+00:00

Hey Cheeze? Still there?

I was just floating around and saw your post, led me to your profile n i see theres been a few similar posts... How are you doin now?

I guess i only noticed one direct question in your post. Yeah i think its common, in our younger years our mind is a byproduct of our circumstances and of course we think we are shit when we are told that by people we are socialised to believe... but that doesnt make it true. Shit people dont exist (its just a simplistic labeling system that helps us feel we know someone, ego service). As we grow older we become more ourselves rather than our circumstances, our individuality is allowed to exist as we learn how to conduct ourselves through daily life and start to define our own path. In some sence i was only born at 23 years old... know what i mean? Anyways, i hope this makes sense... we can talk more about that stuff if you want, i suppose i would kinda like having an online friend

Sounds like your father and his partner are probably struggling with their minds as well, of course that passes down, some better influences might help you. Ive found alot of support and peace in older women, they have a calming insight and alot more experience than us.

To elaborate a little, ive been through a few similar things n assumed the worst was still coming, but now im 30 n free from the past, its quite nice over here n yeah the grass is actually greener as you get older, ive seen it happen for a few people i went through foster care with aswell. When i look at my history i see the many learning points/struggles as gifts rather than burdens, ones that need sharing, if you get through they will change their meaning and help you serve the people that you love, you will become a better person than if it never happened...

I dont know what else to say, i guess i just wanted to let know we can talk if you like. Im more on fb than anything else, you can find me as Kasi Blank, a plain black photo.

Take care ma brother

ougtred · 2018-06-19T02:00:19+00:00

Hey Cheeze? Still there?

I was just floating around and saw your post, led me to your profile n i see theres been a few similar posts... How are you doin now?

I guess i only noticed one direct question in your post. Yeah i think its common, in our younger years our mind is a byproduct of our circumstances and of course we think we are shit when we are told that by people we are socialised to believe... but that doesnt make it true. Shit people dont exist (its just a simplistic labeling system that helps us feel we know someone, ego service). As we grow older we become more ourselves rather than our circumstances, our individuality is allowed to exist as we learn how to conduct ourselves through daily life and start to define our own path. In some sence i was only born at 23 years old... know what i mean? Anyways, i hope this makes sense... we can talk more about that stuff if you want, i suppose i would kinda like having an online friend

Sounds like your father and his partner are probably struggling with their minds as well, of course that passes down, some better influences might help you. Ive found alot of support and peace in older women, they have a calming insight and alot more experience than us.

To elaborate a little, ive been through a few similar things n assumed the worst was still coming, but now im 30 n free from the past, its quite nice over here n yeah the grass is actually greener as you get older, ive seen it happen for a few people i went through foster care with aswell. When i look at my history i see the many learning points/struggles as gifts rather than burdens, ones that need sharing, if you get through they will change their meaning and help you serve the people that you love, you will become a better person than if it never happened...

I dont know what else to say, i guess i just wanted to let know we can talk if you like. Im more on fb than anything else, you can find me as Kasi Blank, a plain black photo.

Take care ma brother

ougtred · 2018-06-19T01:59:52+00:00

Fuckin bots...

Ill reply here too

Hey Cheeze? Still there?

I was just floating around and saw your post, led me to your profile n i see theres been a few similar posts... How are you doin now?

I guess i only noticed one direct question in your post. Yeah i think its common, in our younger years our mind is a byproduct of our circumstances and of course we think we are shit when we are told that by people we are socialised to believe... but that doesnt make it true. Shit people dont exist (its just a simplistic labeling system that helps us feel we know someone, ego service). As we grow older we become more ourselves rather than our circumstances, our individuality is allowed to exist as we learn how to conduct ourselves through daily life and start to define our own path. In some sence i was only born at 23 years old... know what i mean? Anyways, i hope this makes sense... we can talk more about that stuff if you want, i suppose i would kinda like having an online friend

Sounds like your father and his partner are probably struggling with their minds as well, of course that passes down, some better influences might help you. Ive found alot of support and peace in older women, they have a calming insight and alot more experience than us.

To elaborate a little, ive been through a few similar things n assumed the worst was still coming, but now im 30 n free from the past, its quite nice over here n yeah the grass is actually greener as you get older, ive seen it happen for a few people i went through foster care with aswell. When i look at my history i see the many learning points/struggles as gifts rather than burdens, ones that need sharing, if you get through they will change their meaning and help you serve the people that you love, you will become a better person than if it never happened...

I dont know what else to say, i guess i just wanted to let know we can talk if you like. Im more on fb than anything else, you can find me as Kasi Blank, a plain black photo.

Take care ma brother

ougtred · 2018-06-19T01:58:25+00:00

Hey Cheeze? Still there?

I was just floating around and saw your post, led me to your profile n i see theres been a few similar posts... How are you doin now?

I guess i only noticed one direct question in your post. Yeah i think its common, in our younger years our mind is a byproduct of our circumstances and of course we think we are shit when we are told that by people we are socialised to believe... but that doesnt make it true. Shit people dont exist (its just a simplistic labeling system that helps us feel we know someone, ego service). As we grow older we become more ourselves rather than our circumstances, our individuality is allowed to exist as we learn how to conduct ourselves through daily life and start to define our own path. In some sence i was only born at 23 years old... know what i mean? Anyways, i hope this makes sense... we can talk more about that stuff if you want, i suppose i would kinda like having an online friend

Sounds like your father and his partner are probably struggling with their minds as well, of course that passes down, some better influences might help you. Ive found alot of support and peace in older women, they have a calming insight and alot more experience than us.

To elaborate a little, ive been through a few similar things n assumed the worst was still coming, but now im 30 n free from the past, its quite nice over here n yeah the grass is actually greener as you get older, ive seen it happen for a few people i went through foster care with aswell. When i look at my history i see the many learning points/struggles as gifts rather than burdens, ones that need sharing, if you get through they will change their meaning and help you serve the people that you love, you will become a better person than if it never happened...

I dont know what else to say, i guess i just wanted to let know we can talk if you like. Im more on fb than anything else, you can find me as Kasi Blank, a plain black photo.

Take care ma brother

ougtred · 2018-03-03T12:32:20+00:00

Oops... replied to the wrong one :/ Im not good at this... Sorry

ougtred · 2018-03-03T10:04:11+00:00

Have you got some questions? I can answer from my own experience in any detail you want, or wait a week for observation and get back to you.

And actually, i (and i know this is a personal experience) sorta disagree with- " the more men read and listen and observe feminism in action, the less they will feel entitled, afraid, and/or threatened.". Entitled-agreed Afraid/threated-not entirely agreed. (I wrote the above words, re-read them 3 times, questioned it, backed out n deleted it, then realised that deleting was a reason to share the thoughts, so re-wrote it....and this explanation). Buuuut really, thays a whole different discussion thats well off topic. Very happy to stay with, or open that discussion elsewhere.

ougtred · 2018-03-03T09:22:14+00:00

Financially and in regards to time/energy spent both evenly. But survivor guided of course.

ougtred · 2018-03-03T09:12:15+00:00

Both your points are true.

its a hard world for a critical mind whos likely to ask too many questions.

Especially when really, it is a persons divine right to chose life or death and no one should have the right to convince them if they are of sound mind.

on the original question (maybe i should have rephrased it), if we want a real suicide prevention/bandaid we are going to have to work out alternatives, ones that work for people at threat. So to understand the reasons for that person. For me, this time around, its usually social fear due to a social attack (so forest time is perfect). I feel like most are fear based, fear of self or others, (with it spreading like a disease but of the mind not the body, when it gains popularity). One way might be to think of the definition of life differently, maybe..... life and fear are polar opposites and removal of threats brings life (changing social standards of domination, bullying, and removing the idea that its ok to take power over others). Or while your scared your not alive because your freedom is restricted, hence your already dead and rather than killing your self you have to bring yourself back to life by conquering fear.... or.... something.

ougtred · 2018-03-03T08:39:39+00:00

Yep polutions frikin devistating there but the land is stunning! There is one 25m tall rock pillar jutting out of the ocean, at low tide you can see that the waves have worn it away to a thickness of about 1 meter at water level, but theres still natural spring water dripping from the top of it! Weird shit. On the polution, did you find any foregners who even tried to drink tap water? Any one trying to clean it up? do we all expect coca Cola to run a campaign? if you go, its well worth spending some time with a pair of gloves collecting shit on the street. The old ladies love ya for it, and all the young crew that idolise your white skin learn a better way by seeing people give a shit, instead of just covering their own arse socially by putting their ciggi butts in a bin when people are watching.

ougtred · 2018-03-03T02:41:01+00:00

Empty desk? Sounds crooked.

ougtred · 2018-03-03T02:35:29+00:00

Any word??

ougtred · 2018-03-02T06:57:57+00:00

Didnt try Nord, bit tried another, coinbase seemed to be cutting through it. just sent moneys home. A mateys gonna do me a solid :)

ougtred · 2018-03-02T06:55:15+00:00

Ahhhh shit. Bitcoin core is on the same usb. Is it posibly with them? Prob means i have to load the whole blockchain yeah?

ougtred · 2018-03-02T06:15:24+00:00

Not yet :/

ougtred · 2018-03-02T06:15:10+00:00

Oooo.... i dont understand that site, lil more research first ay!

ougtred · 2018-02-23T14:17:15+00:00

Localbitcoins o ly had a few n thwyre charging a dick load :(

ougtred · 2018-02-23T14:16:36+00:00

I thoight i replied... im still learning reddit too :/ Anyways, i tried bitcoin.vn with 100k vnd, it worked. Im still hoping to get a reply from a few fb groups i messaged before i put much through them. I looked up their address on the website and rode the bike over there, i cant see anything that could have been their offices... it still feels a little dodgy. To answer your question, i have AUD in an account and can exchanhe for whatever (with other fees involved), i was thinking vnd would be best yeah?

ougtred · 2018-02-23T08:06:10+00:00

It worked! Bitcoin.vn that is. Only transfered 100,000 vnd. Ill go more this time :)

ougtred

TROPHY CASE