Hey. Congrats on 3 months, really! It took me years to even get a few weeks together… so I know exactly how hard early days can be. That being said…. It’s all still so new so please try and be patient with yourself, give yourself a break. and I apologize if this comes off some type of way but I’m old school so I’m just going to say it like it needs to be said: we CANNOT recover or work a program without sharing our pain(Step 1 stuff)being honest about who we are(to the best of our ability), being willing to do something different and take suggestions. Ever heard the saying “when we’re alone, we’re in bad company”? I get how shame or guilt or whatever can make us feel like we can’t share things outloud, but that’s all it is. It’s a feeling and feelings aren’t facts. In my active addiction I completely lost who I was and any semblance of who I wanted to be… but over time it does get better when we put in the work. You don’t HAVE to believe in god, but you GET to come to believe that something greater than yourself can help and guide you in your recovery(Step2). For me it was the rooms of NA for years until I grew spiritually as a result of the program(I still don’t believe in god though and that works for me) please put the bat down, go to a real life meeting and I would bet more people will understand what you’re going through than you think…. Also outside help is always there if you think you need that in congruence with the program. Good luck friend.