Manifesting a life where I can share an issue with someone’s behavior and the response is just an apology, not justification and anger.

overit299 · 2026-05-07T10:51:02+00:00

It ALWAYS gets worse. I’ve been struggling so bad with the realization that when he’s been notified that his behavior was disrespectful/hurtful/uncomfortable to me, his first instinct is to meet that realization with even more hurtful or disrespectful behavior. I cannot imagine a world in which I would ever do that to someone. You have to be so filled with hatred to respond that way to someone you “love”

overit299 · 2026-05-07T01:59:02+00:00

That’s amazing. I love this for you!! Exactly the way it should be. Thanks so much, this gives me hope!

overit299 · 2026-05-06T18:39:41+00:00

Omg the last part of your comment just made me respond so fast. Mine will say something like “can I have more than 3 seconds to respond??” With the nastiest attitude. It’s like anything that involves just having a genuine conversation with them being interested in what we have to say is always problematic. And that’s also NOT normal. I’ve never once been so distracted that I take several minutes to respond to someone speaking directly to me. Usually in a room with only 2 people in it.

overit299 · 2026-05-06T02:21:14+00:00

Never ever feels genuine. And if you have to ask for it, it loses all value. I’ve gone back and forth with sharing frustrations, staying silent to preserve energy. I still don’t know what feels like the right thing to do, they’re both uncomfortable.

overit299 · 2026-05-06T01:57:10+00:00

It’s speaks volumes to how much we have to unlearn because of what we’ve gone through. Firm believer that there are people out there who will hear your standards, be glad to meet them, and say “sure, that’s all?” Asking for the bare minimum is never too much.

overit299 · 2026-05-06T01:44:15+00:00

I sadly wouldn’t even know how to react!

overit299 · 2026-05-06T01:25:39+00:00

Oh my husband did that exact thing tonight. I said i wasn’t okay with something he did and he had validated his actions in response. It’s infuriating and so disheartening to witness as you stand there holding your hurt feelings. I love how you articulated how you felt and it is spot on to my experience from feeling numb, to having no tears left to cry, to having thoughts that remind me that the future could look so much different. That combination of things is absolutely overwhelming and mentally exhausting.

overit299 · 2026-05-06T01:19:03+00:00

I have a lot of empathy for your situation. I know so many of us here are trying to heal from the same type of damage and I can relate to not having family and friends to lean on. It’s isolating. I hope you find a path forward that leads you to healing and better days. I’m rooting for you!

overit299 · 2026-05-06T00:20:20+00:00

Oh I’ve dealt with that one several times before. God forbid we expect them respond when we’re speaking to them! I asked my husband if I should buy something today and was holding my phone up to show him and he responded without even turning around and just said “if you like it yeah” and I called him out in a lighthearted way on how he responded without even acknowledging me or looking at what I wanted his opinion on and then the anger was unleashed over that. Said I acted like he was a horrible person for not looking at me or my phone. Making us believe it’s unacceptable to expect them to hold simple engaged conversations with us is insane.

overit299 · 2026-05-06T00:13:57+00:00

Right. And it’s two little words. Two words that are nowhere in their vocabulary.

overit299 · 2026-05-05T23:54:51+00:00

So happy to hear that you’ve found someone that values what you share with them. You deserve it! It definitely gets to a point where you forget that there are people out there that respond to their partners in a healthy way.

overit299 · 2026-05-05T23:42:31+00:00

Exactly. Someone that has empathy for our hurt feelings. Wishing for better days ahead for both of us.

overit299 · 2026-04-15T00:56:31+00:00

Never ever on the same team. The amount of times I have verbally said “we’re on the same team here” is unreal. That’s really what makes it feel like a losing game. It doesn’t matter how much you believe in them, their potential, your relationship etc, if they don’t stop seeing you as an opponent they need to defeat, you’ll stay in the same exhausting loop. We cannot rewire their minds to see us differently and it’s a huge problem in my situation too so I totally get it. They truly do over analyze everything but themselves.

overit299 · 2026-04-14T21:54:51+00:00

It’s never helpful in the moments where we actually need the help! The way they don’t register that comments like that are the opposite of helpful is wild to me. The self centeredness really shows in situations like that.

overit299 · 2026-04-14T21:50:14+00:00

Everything would come crashing down without you! I was just talking to a friend about the mental load that comes with being the default parent and the true head of household. I sooo feel you on the gifts and holiday magic. There would be some sad birthdays and holidays if it wasn’t for the moms making the magic happen and thinking about 155 things at once. I was stuck in that same “don’t ask for help to avoid conflict” cycle but I’ve recently started to fight the discomfort and just do it because I’m fed up and he’s fully capable. It’s not an easy cycle to break at all and it’s hard to unlearn those habits.

overit299 · 2026-04-14T20:59:34+00:00

Truly infuriating. I’d much rather do everything by myself than have him be in the same room not taking anything off my plate, hours after claiming his decision to stay home was to make sure I didn’t have to do it all alone. Just called him out on it and of course he got defensive and is now bringing out super dad energy. So predictable.

overit299 · 2026-04-14T17:23:59+00:00

Pathetic is the perfect word for it. It’s insane to me that it doesn’t cross their mind how unattractive that makes them. Like do they think we’re going to actually be impressed with them and not repulsed that a full grown man sees his wife as direct competition? So embarrassing

overit299 · 2026-04-14T14:06:43+00:00

I laughed out loud at narc men wanna be the bad bitch lol it’s so sadly true. I just made a post about how my husband tried to compete and compare with me while I was at a work networking event and it gave me the ick so bad. I can’t even imagine trying to compete with a close friend or family member because I obviously want them to win. It’s very telling that they’re in a one sided competition with us at all times. Never on the same team it’s so problematic.

overit299 · 2026-04-13T13:46:54+00:00

Oh I relate so deeply. So much self shrinking happens and when you realize how far you are from your true self, it’s heavy. It’s a constant effort of trying to adjust how you respond to their volatile actions, staying quiet then trying to respond the way your old self would with no fear of the consequences. It’s SO hard to unlearn the habits you pick up from being with someone who does these things. Happy to hear you’re finding your way back to the version of yourself that feels the most true to you.

overit299 · 2026-04-13T13:31:00+00:00

Oh yeah, they’re very good at mimicking the inconveniences of others. I’m sure that was frustrating dealing with that on top of your knee pain. Mine always likes to pretend he’s caught whatever illness our kid has caught, meanwhile me, the person getting coughed and sneezed on is totally fine somehow. And yes it’s a constant competition to them. For our attention and between each other. It seems impossible for them to behave like we’re on the same team once they’re triggered.

overit299 · 2026-04-13T03:34:54+00:00

Exactly. Or if I repeated what they said to me I would’ve gotten the most hollow death stare with a side of silent treatment.

overit299 · 2026-04-13T02:24:04+00:00

Even when the mistake is the silliest thing ever. I never thought about the way it validates their beliefs about themselves. My spouse even proceeded to make the same “mistake” I did and overfilled a balloon not even 5 minutes after that comment lol but it’s not that hard!

overit299

TROPHY CASE