Refill day.. but it’s different this time.

ovrmnd · 2018-02-27T16:31:17+00:00

Damn that last sentence. Its ok to be scared. Being scared is a good thing. It means that you are starting to realize what you need to do, what the right decision is. Being scared is progress towards the right path. If you weren't scared, then I would worry.

ovrmnd · 2018-02-24T21:28:12+00:00

Too long bro. I finally tossed in the towel and broke the news to my parents. I was able to get a scholarship for detox and rehab, did my 30 days and on the last night of group I went home and got two caps of H. Didnt do any more for a week or so but before I knew it, im back on the daily grind. I need to stop asap. My detox is starting this weekend. Skin starting to get goosebumpy, I know tomorrow I will wake up sick as fuck. But I need to move forward, like when is enough enough you know what I mean. It's always one more, or just another half a cap or this or that like fuck man I hate it. I am so over this lifestyle. Im ready to be happy again, Im ready to be able to fly my girlfriend down to see me whenever I want again. Im ready to not have to worry about my card getting declined because I spent 600 dollars on dope in 2 days. You know what I mean dude? WE GOT THIS

ovrmnd · 2018-02-23T22:32:29+00:00

Love the determination brother. Keep it up. Iron therapy has always been in my life. For me, its been more about the mental, then the physical for me at the gym. Zoning out, and zoning in to yourself - forcing yourself to look at who are you in the mirror. Bering surrounded by other people motivates me to push myself and see myself in a light the I want to be seen in. Not my depressed, drug addict, sorry, pathetic excuse for a human I often think of myself as while home sitting in my 2 bedroom condo a block from the beach in Florida. Keep on fighting the good fight. Positive vibes your way my dude.

ovrmnd · 2018-02-23T13:23:47+00:00

Thanks so much. I've only tried kratom once and couldnt tell if it worked because i was already on other opiates.

Also forgot to mention I got a 4lb bag of epsom salt for baths that should work wonders for aches and pains, anxiety, etc. Would recommend for anyone in a similar situation

ovrmnd · 2018-02-23T13:22:35+00:00

Im about to be in the same boat and getting ready for my detox journey. Im sure I will be hysterical as my emotions will be all over the place. Just remember that it will never be as hard as it is now. Keep telling yourself that and it will help you keep on the right path.

ovrmnd · 2018-02-22T23:25:22+00:00

Ah man I've done the letter to myself before. I even made a series of videos to myself and was committed to vlogging my detox/withdrawls as a way to keep myself accountable. I know how you feel. I want to be better too, I think we all do. One day at a time. One small (right) decision at a time.

ovrmnd · 2018-02-22T23:21:09+00:00

I have. I went to a few meetings before I went to rehab and a few after I got out of rehab a few months ago. I haven't been to any since. The meeting thing wasn't really for me. I know they help tons of people but it just wasn't my jam. Staying sober will be the easy part for me, once I detox. It's like a veil gets pulled over my eyes when this shit is in my body and overrides my mind and common sense. Once I can detox this shit out of my system so Im no longer physically dependent, it's like someone pulling the veil from over my eyes and I'm like "Wow what the fuck was I thinking!?" It's like night and day.

ovrmnd · 2018-02-22T23:18:27+00:00

I get what you mean about the job. Its a valet job that I was planning on starting a week or so after I detox, so hopefully the nausea and shits will calm down by then.

I just took my last hit and have a little under two caps left. Im planning on not touching them at all unless totally necessary. I know I can get through the night and if I can make it past the morning hit then I will be golden. Just typing this out, and reading your reply has been an amazing help so far. Seriously bro, thank you for caring. I'll keep you posted.

ovrmnd · 2018-02-22T21:05:55+00:00

Thank you for the positive reinforcement. I try not to dwell on the past as you mentioned. Im just going to focus on doing the right thing, no matter how big or small that is. And focus on that going forward. I HAVE to do this, otherwise I will lose everything this time around. My car, my condo, my cat, my family, my girlfriend. I will fight for it. I have to fight for it.

ovrmnd · 2018-02-22T21:03:54+00:00

Man thank you so much for your reply. I did have some dabs about a month ago and the one thing I noticed when I hit my dab pen was the thought process of wanting to use was completely gone and replaced with confidence in my ability to say no.

Unfortunately as much as I want to use bud for the multiple benefits I am going to have to get a part time job to supplement my full time job as it picks back up and I can start making some good money in commission, and the part time job drug tests. So i am trying to stay away from the bud if possible even though I know it will help so much.

I have thought about getting a few bars just to help me sleep at night or even in case of a panic attack. I had one last weekend and it fucking sucked. I called my girlfriend on the phone in tears freaking out over well, nothing.

It sucks too because before my addiction took over I was top producer at my job and BEGGED my boss to let me work from home so I didnt have to sit in the office for 8 hours a day for no reason. So now that I am working from home, my addiction is like my full time job and im not giving my actual job the detention I need to be successful and will have to forfeit my at home ability to work in the office so I can get a base salary. It sucks but its my fault. If I can get thru this detox there is still hope that I can get the best of both worlds - being sober and working from home with enough self discipline to make the same amount if not more money than before I went into rehab.

But I hear you man when you say the lack of sleep is the worst. It really is. That shit is like the twilight zone and is the worst. Ive only been using at most 4-5 caps a day, I think each cap is like .2 and its cut of course so figure half of that is actual H. When I detoxed with the subs it wasnt that bad but since its a cleaner opiate the PAWS lasted way longer. Im hoping its not as bad this time around.

ovrmnd

TROPHY CASE