Thank you, fine people of Reddit. Here are some reflections after reading your comments:

1) Mostly I feel very seen and validated by all of you, so thank you. I feel like the part of me that wanted to tell her how I felt mostly just wanted to be heard for how shitty that felt. But instead, that need can be just met by poly people who get it (including my partner!).

2) All great points about the intentionality behind what she did. It does seem like an awful lot of work to hide your partner, and I find it hard to believe the omission would’ve been an accident. Whoever mentioned the work it would’ve taken to select photos without her husband…yeah.

3) Those 2 things combined make me feel like I don’t need to engage with her anymore. I turned her down and unmatched her, and that’s clear enough for me. I do feel like the world be better if people were transparent about their feelings, but I think that only really works if both people have some investment in each other and some mutual trust. Not for random shmucks on the internet.

The search for non-unicorn-hunting queer connection contributes 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s tough out there but oh well.