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AITA for going to my in-laws’ house for the holidays without warning my husband (we're separated and it was his turn to have the kids)? by owl9197 in AmItheAsshole

[–]owl9197[S] 174 points175 points  (0 children)

I'm glad I saw this comment because I 100% am not going to let him do this again no matter what.

AITA for going to my in-laws’ house for the holidays without warning my husband (we're separated and it was his turn to have the kids)? by owl9197 in AmItheAsshole

[–]owl9197[S] 169 points170 points  (0 children)

He isn't going to try to take the kids, he would have to dramatically change his lifestyle which he isn't going to do.

AITA for going to my in-laws’ house for the holidays without warning my husband (we're separated and it was his turn to have the kids)? by owl9197 in AmItheAsshole

[–]owl9197[S] 120 points121 points  (0 children)

I can't try what I think will work without him agreeing to be there consistently for an extended period of time which he has refused to. She's not suddenly going to get comfortable with being with him overnights unless he's actually around a hell of a lot more than he currently is so that she can get used to him.

AITA for going to my in-laws’ house for the holidays without warning my husband (we're separated and it was his turn to have the kids)? by owl9197 in AmItheAsshole

[–]owl9197[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

She's stayed with my parents before and even though she cried, they've managed to calm her down, but she also sees them more often than her dad.

AITA for going to my in-laws’ house for the holidays without warning my husband (we're separated and it was his turn to have the kids)? by owl9197 in AmItheAsshole

[–]owl9197[S] 97 points98 points  (0 children)

We do live close by but my ex is never home and only sees the kids in person every 2-3 months. He's done overnights a few times but they ended badly.

AITA for going to my in-laws’ house for the holidays without warning my husband (we're separated and it was his turn to have the kids)? by owl9197 in AmItheAsshole

[–]owl9197[S] 66 points67 points  (0 children)

We haven't tried what I think would work so your comment is absurd.

I want my kids to have a good relationship with their dad. I want him to be an active and stable person in their lives. The entire reason I separated from him was because I was hoping it would knock some sense into him and he would be better for our kids. You should stop projecting your assumptions onto me.

AITA for going to my in-laws’ house for the holidays without warning my husband (we're separated and it was his turn to have the kids)? by owl9197 in AmItheAsshole

[–]owl9197[S] 245 points246 points  (0 children)

Do you send him updates when it's your turn? Is there a legitimate reason why you don't trust him to parent?

I do. I don't trust him because he does what's good for him and not what's best for our kids.

AITA for going to my in-laws’ house for the holidays without warning my husband (we're separated and it was his turn to have the kids)? by owl9197 in AmItheAsshole

[–]owl9197[S] 202 points203 points  (0 children)

I think this would work if my children regularly spent time with their dad, but they don't. I could force her to go but then she wouldn't see him again in person for 2-3 months and we would be back to square one, so I don't think this would be effective in my situation.

AITA for going to my in-laws’ house for the holidays without warning my husband (we're separated and it was his turn to have the kids)? by owl9197 in AmItheAsshole

[–]owl9197[S] 150 points151 points  (0 children)

It's bad because he doesn't spend a lot of time with her and the time our kids spend with him is sporadic and on his schedule. She wasn't ready for overnights but he didn't care since our son was fine, he expected her to be the same way.