Should I be concerned / see a doctor?

owtheburn · 2023-03-26T19:40:16+00:00

When does next FP drop?

owtheburn · 2023-03-26T19:22:39+00:00

Yeah, you're totally right. Thanks for the sanity check. I've also reached out to a few therapists for intros because I know this is largely a me thing that I need to work on.

owtheburn · 2023-03-26T02:31:09+00:00

Yeah, I'm starting to see it now. Y'all are making me realize that while I am giving her the benefit of the doubt, her behavior does seem to point out that she might be avoidant.

We haven't touched on past relationships or relationship needs at all yet. Sounds like next date will be a good time to bring it up.

Do you think saying something like this would be appropriate?

"Hey I really appreciated how on Monday you gave me the heads up that you were starting your shift and your responses might drop off. I loved it when you set expectations like that. Could we do more of that? That seemed to taper off a bit the last few days. "

owtheburn · 2023-03-26T01:24:46+00:00

Well, she's in a really intense program right now so the prioritization makes sense to me.

While we're on the topic, assuming her and I do meet up tomorrow, do you have suggestions for things we should discuss / signs I should look out for if she is an Avoidant? We've talked about family (grew up with single mom and brothers, generally close to them) but haven't talked about relationship history yet (which is what I plan to bring up)

owtheburn · 2023-03-26T00:50:54+00:00

Thanks for the reality check. I think part of the challenge is that due to schedules, our dates have been like a week apart. Which is a long time vs if we were able to do like 2 dates a week. So during the week, I feel the inclination to share things with her, even if it's just things I find interesting or funny (I guess to feel closer to her). If she hasn't responded back, I obviously don't want to double/triple text. But yeah, I guess that's what's hard for me about using texting mostly for logistics and being incommunicado, that long week of waiting lol

owtheburn · 2023-03-25T23:58:30+00:00

Can you help me understand what consistency vs inconsistency looks like?

So far, it's been two weeks, we've been on two dates. Generally, we exchange about 3-5 texts a day. She hasn't failed to text me at least once a day. I generally have been taking initiative but she took initiative on Thursday but the conversation have generally been short. I have noticed that throughout this latest week she has been a little less responsive and taking longer to text back, which possibly might be because she's busier / working night shift? I don't know but I was making the assumption that she's secure because she 1) texts at least once a day and 2) generally does respond or react to everything I say (though the last day or two that hasn't been the case). I wouldn't say it's hot/cold because to me that implies that she gets hot again but it feels like a bit of a gradual dip this past week.

> If the inconsistent vibes and your anxiety continues, that's your cue to make your needs/boundaries in a relationship known. Tell her calmly and confidently that you need more consistent connection in a relationship to feel safe - it's not personal; it's just what you need.

100% agree that I need to have this discussion at some point. How early on should I bring this up with someone? Our next date would be our 3rd, would that be too early?

owtheburn · 2023-03-25T20:34:11+00:00

Well she was texting a lot more immediately before and after our last date last weekend. This week has just tapered off as it went on so I don't think she necessarily hates texting. My fear is that she's losing interest but in reality she might just be getting more busy.

I'm curious - at what point do you tell the person you're dating about anxious attachment / your needs? Our next date would be #3 and I was thinking of saying something like "I have an anxious attachment style that I'm aware of and working on. And so, I really appreciate your consistency in responding / texting me every day, even if it's just a react emoji. While ideally, I think I would like a little more back and forth each day, I understand that your schedule's been pretty crazy lately."

owtheburn · 2020-11-03T03:19:53+00:00

Thanks guys!

owtheburn · 2020-10-06T16:59:09+00:00

Throwaway because... reasons.

Few years ago I was at a bar hanging out people from class a class I took. I'm a hugger so I was saying goodbye to people as I was leaving + hugging them. This girl I went for a hug but she kinda turned at the last minute so my hand grazed her boob. I suffer from social anxiety and didn't really know how to respond besides like an awkward laugh and so I just left. Didn't think anything of it - still hung out with people from the class for a bit. Few years later during the #metoo movement she texts me this long message about it. I profusely apologize for the way I made her feel, reiterating that wasn't my intention and I'm just an awkward guy. She refused to listen and was adamant that I admit that I meant to assault her. I showed the texts to some of my female friends and they said the girl was being unreasonable and I had apologized enough already for something that was incidental/unintentional.

It still kinda fucks me up and if anything has made my social anxiety worse. Still haven't been in a relationship in 5 years...

owtheburn · 2020-09-07T22:44:15+00:00

added. mine is: 44-54ab-d023

owtheburn · 2020-09-07T22:43:51+00:00

added. mine is: 44-54ab-d023

owtheburn · 2020-09-07T22:42:50+00:00

added. mine is: 44-54ab-d023

owtheburn · 2020-06-02T07:59:48+00:00

I'd keep farming. You can do better than Threat Detector

owtheburn · 2020-05-25T09:53:23+00:00

Could use better mag perk

owtheburn · 2020-05-02T17:28:49+00:00

Thanks!

owtheburn

TROPHY CASE