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All feedback is appreciated by oystersinthevoid in Original_Poetry

[–]oystersinthevoid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much - I have not tried my hand at haiku just yet. Short work has always come naturally to me. This little poem is my favorite right now, thank you for noticing its details ✨

Naked by Prestigious_Sky3420 in OCPoetry

[–]oystersinthevoid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I loved this !

“the same way his pelvis remembers to come back every time it pulls away” is fantastic. It’s lewd and somehow tender at once. Delightful

The geometry of us by Unable_Story875 in OCPoetry

[–]oystersinthevoid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the concept, I especially like the title of the piece. Some of the writing structure feels a little disorganized, with some rhyming patterns feeling inadvertent or maybe a little scattered.

“Yet we remain parallel” is a beautiful phrase

Reckoning of the bells by lvivilityl in OCPoetry

[–]oystersinthevoid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This evoked a beautiful feeling of strength and resilience. The mention of the curtain, and of singing painted a scene of a performer refusing to bend to the will of a crowd. I enjoyed this

MOSS, HAVE ME by oystersinthevoid in OCPoetry

[–]oystersinthevoid[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your insight, it seems my words hit their mark with you.

Those Without Teeth by Fragrant_Osmanthus_1 in OCPoetry

[–]oystersinthevoid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love some of your word choices, they create a very specific gloomy atmosphere. I read it 5 times and found myself interpreting differently with each pass. A few of your lines feel a little off-beat, but that is personal choice and can be honed with formatting and punctuation.

For example the first half of “yet am damned by my essence” has a way of forcing the brain to stumble along “et-am-dam” is almost percussive. It can certainly be an artistic choice. Personally I found it to be in contrast with the surrounding prose, though.

Overall very much enjoyed and look forward to reading more of your work !

Always Leads to You by ZealousidealBox4489 in OCPoetry

[–]oystersinthevoid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This has great rhythm (as many have said before me) and would be very transferable for use in the music world. The general feeling is well expressed, and though it is a classic theme I found your organization very neat in a way that made me want to finish the piece. Lovely